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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

438 replies

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 02/04/2017 11:10

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

OP posts:
Fatbird71 · 03/04/2017 14:45

Forthesakeoffuck. (Sorry don't know how to do the bold thing) I did say that in my post. The majority of people may well be fine, and I'm sure they are but every body is different as is their ability to process alcohol through the liver. Anything that isn't processed feeds through to the baby. All I meant was that I can't see why anyone would want to risk it.

Willow2017 · 03/04/2017 14:48

Fatbird
Fetal achohol syndrome is very different from the occaisional drink.
I know someone who has adopted kids with this, they mothers were pretty much alcohol abusers on a very regular basis and one was a drug user too, their whole lives were messed up. An occaisional glass didnt cause these kids huge problems.

xStefx · 03/04/2017 14:52

Oh I so would have said the wine was for me...... just to make the woman feel awkward for asking.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 03/04/2017 15:00

I can quite see why it would be impossible to understand how someone would take the risk of heavy consumption, which has been shown to be dangerous. But the reality is, there's no documented risk to moderate consumption, and that's not because nobody's looked. There is nothing that isn't dangerous or at least potentially dangerous in sufficient quantities. Even water. That doesn't mean anyone consuming it moderately is taking a risk.

Roomster101 · 03/04/2017 15:14

The advice to not have alcohol is fairly recent. Certainly when I was pregnant (17 years ago) it was considered okay to have 1 or 2 units once or twice a week. When my mother was pregnant there was no advice at all (although I don't think women generally did drink that much). Therefore, whatever the current advice it seems highly unlikely that the occasional glass has any effect and I am sure that there are much riskier things women can do during pregnancy (car, stairs, bath, going for a walk, sex).

Original poster
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 03/04/2017 15:22

Fatbird: All I meant was that I can't see why anyone would want to risk it.

The risk you're talking about is excessive, daily alcohol consumption. The risks we're talking about are minor alcohol consumption. (I take "moderate" to mean the NHS's recommendation of drinking less than 14 units per week, which is roughly "six pints of average-strength beer or 10 small glasses of low-strength wine". Literally no one on this thread has come even fractionally close to that limit.)

This is like when women are told "do gentle exercise" during pregnancy, so we discuss whether walking or running or cycling or horse-riding is okay, and then someone wheels out horror-stories of women who've miscarried after running marathons or swimming the Channel.

Or, "stay hydrated!" and then someone throws out the story about the women who've died from water toxicity.

Or, "get plenty of rest!" and then someone has to post a link to a story about a pregnant woman who got blood-clots and had a series of strokes after laying on her couch for eight straight weeks.

See how none of these are helpful? It's the same thing. We're discussing minor. You've brought up extreme. That doesn't give us the least bit of help in navigating a sensible path.

OP posts:
namechange20050 · 03/04/2017 15:40

I had the same thing in Starbucks! My LO is nearly 2 now but when I was about 8 months pregnant I ordered a frappucino (boiling hot summer) and the barrista said that I shouldn't be having caffeine Angry I somehow managed to keep my cool and just answer 'that's not what the NHS guidelines say'. I was really mad! Patronising twat. My husband had to calm me down after!

VestalVirgin · 03/04/2017 15:50

It's vile, this policing.
And it is all rooted in the vile idea that a woman's body is not her own, to do with as she pleases.

I don't even think any alcohol at all myself, because I don't think the benefits (I don't see any) outweigh the risks, but that's my decision.

Other people have a right to police a woman's food and drink under the same circumstances where they have a right to police a man's food and drink - which means, basically never.

If someone doesn't want pregnant women to drink alcohol, they can write to the government and ask for alcohol to be made illegal for everyone.

Jaysis · 03/04/2017 15:50

I got the caffeine judgement too. They got a death stare and informed that I'd checked with my midwife, thanks.

Coke (cola!) was another one. Offered me soft cheese from a country with a listeria risk yet sucked on her teeth at me having a single can - the first all pregnancy - at 20 weeks.

Here in Ireland we get the third degree on codeine purchases. Pharmacy counter staff (not the pharmacist) asked me what it was for, so I said my GP suggested them for miscarriage pain management. "oh, I'm not sure you can take these while pregnant" was her response. The pharmacist hurriedly intervened in the sale thankfully or I don't think I'd have been able to hold back.

Roomster101 · 03/04/2017 15:51

Are pregnant women told not to have caffeine now as well??

Jenwen22 · 03/04/2017 15:54

I have a friend like this who as soon as I became pregnant became the pregnancy nazi police. I just dont tell her as im of the opinion that the level of stress people go through over an egg is worse than the actual egg itself. What you can eat and drink changes every year and so long as your responsible and everything in moderation then i dont think a glass of wine or an egg will damage the child xx

ElisavetaFartsonira · 03/04/2017 16:13

The NHS advice is to limit it roomster. Not to abstain entirely though. Up to 200mg a day.

www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/limit-caffeine-during-pregnancy.aspx?categoryid=54&subcategoryid=130

Never actually researched the veracity of this myself, I wouldn't generally have 200mg a day whether pregnant or not so not really a concern for me. Much as I would like to eat 20 bars of milk chocolate a day!

But either way, no one normal serving of coffee or coke is going to be more than that. So not only are the interferers being dicks, they're being wrong dicks.

loulou1626 · 03/04/2017 16:19

secret I'm not surprised you were furious, that conversation really took the piss! Bizarrely though, on the subject of hay fever, mine seemed to vanish during my pregnancy which was a delight...now it's barely spring and I can feel it coming back with a vengeance!

I really don't understand what it is that makes some people act as though pregnant women are either somehow determined to cause their unborn baby harm by what they consume, or that they are public property which can be touched at any time Hmm

treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 16:22

I don't think anyone has said it on this thread but I've read threads like this in the past where posters have declared that they'd like it to be illegal to drink alcohol in pregnancy. That always has me Shock because the implications of that, the slippery slope that it would be, is utterly terrifying.

Klaphat · 03/04/2017 16:23

All I meant was that I can't see why anyone would want to risk it.

I'm pretty sure the way that it works is NOT that you get an invisible FAS raffle ticket with each glass of wine you choose to drink. I'm afraid I don't think that having adopted your daughter gives you the right to preach at other women without bothering to get a grasp of how it works.

treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 16:39

You could apply that to absolutely anything:

Travelling in a car/train/plane
Walking on a footpath alongside a road
Going to an exercise class
Taking an antibiotic
Putting your central heating on
Taking a bath

Where do we draw the line?

treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 16:40

I meant you could apply the 'why take the risk?' logic Blush

bibbitybobbityyhat · 03/04/2017 17:03

Goodness me FatBird, you seem totally ignorant about FAS which is surprising as you've adopted a child with the syndrome.

I think Mumsnet should get behind a campaign for re-training for the Starbucks baristas! I am being perfectly serious. The stores where it happened - name and shame them. I can't see why anyone would let this appalling treatment of pregnant women go without a fuss! How can baristas in a coffee shop possibly know if a woman is pregnant anyway? It's completely outrageous.

Fatbird71 · 03/04/2017 17:22

Oh I don't think I am ignorant of the facts thanks. When you live with a condition on a daily basis, you become aware pretty quickly. I am well aware that an odd glass here and there probably isn't going to do much harm but in the odd case it will. Any damage will depend on individual circumstances, their ability to deal with alcohol etc. Whilst I adopted I did manage to carry a baby for a while before I lost it and chose not to drink. That was my choice (wasn't aware of FAS back then) I also appreciate that as people are saying that there are plenty of other daily risks out there that people do day in and day out. For me personally ( and in way speaking for others) I wouldn't want that on my conscience had something happened . I'm not preaching at all, just saying I how felt. As it turns out and as I found out recently, I have an autoimmune condition that has permanently damaged my liver do this affects how I process alcohol. Didn't know that at the time....... My point is, you don't necessarily know what it could be doing. Still if I have caused offence, I apologize. This is a forum so posted my opinion which is clearly different to some of yours

Susieangel · 03/04/2017 17:54

Every year someone dreams up another no no. As a young midwife we twisted women's arms to eat liver once a week. My favourite paediatrician reckoned that at least 50% of babies were conceived on a tide of alcohol. If someone questions your right to eat soft eggs ask them if they are infected with salmonella (british eggs have been clear for years). Anyway you need to boil an egg for 20 minutes to kill bacteria. A bit of common sense is all.

glitterglitters · 03/04/2017 17:56

Not to mention someone I know contracted salmonella from touching a tortoise. 😂

Swissgemma · 03/04/2017 17:58

I was pregnant in switzerland - pretty much anything goes apart from unpasteurised cheese... no one commented once on what I ate apart from to make sure the fondue was extra hot with an extra dash of alcohol just in case!

ElisavetaFartsonira · 03/04/2017 17:59

I am well aware that an odd glass here and there probably isn't going to do much harm but in the odd case it will.

What's the evidence for this? Ie a documented case where a couple of glasses during a pregnancy has caused FAS?

AlexRose5 · 03/04/2017 17:59

Coldilocks 😂😂😂

PerpetualStudent · 03/04/2017 18:01

Fatbird you've posted an opinion, others have posted their's back, I don't really see where offence comes into it?

I sort of take your point about not being certain about the risks of even mild alcohol consumption because of individual differences in alcohol processing. Though barring rare auto-immune conditions, surely common sense tells most people one unit of wine enjoyed with a meal is probably more sensible than a shot of vodka dashed down on an empty stomach?

You say that you personally wouldn't want that on your conscience, and that's fine. But others on this thread have said they are fine with it, and from the detail of their replies it's obvious they've read into it to their own satisfaction, not just speaking out of ignorance. So the continued assertions of "Well, it's not something I would do." Can start to feel like judging in that context.