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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

438 replies

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 02/04/2017 11:10

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2017 18:02

I was given a lecture about risking giving my unborn FAS because I had half a lager in the pub. It was one of about 4 drinks I had in total in my pregnancy. I let it go because the lecturer was a friend who was a press officer for a LHA and had just researched and written an article on FAS.

Was about the only time I experienced it though, maybe its because I and my peers are all in our early 40's so are not quite as militant as many younger people are who are influenced by US TV.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 03/04/2017 18:07

I had the opposite. I ordered a virgin margarita in a restaurant. I drink some of it and was sure I could taste tequila. I asked the waitress who told me 'Yes, the bar tender said it wouldn't taste of anything without the alcohol' . Apparently the people working in that restaurant have the sort of tongues that can't detect the taste of lime juice and sugar.

ememem84 · 03/04/2017 18:08

Childless colleague today told me that I shouldn't be eating my lunch. Tuna mayo sandwich.

I asked why. Apparently tuna and mayo are both banned during pregnancy. My boss overheard and suggested colleague went out and bought me a new sandwich. I'd made this one myself. I had been looking forward to it since I got to work. I had a nice yoghurt and a can of icy cold ginger beer to go with it. Yum lunch.

To have it ruined by some idiot.

I know you're meant to limit tuna (2 portions a week I was told is ok) and mayo (avoid real mayo because of eggs...) and avoid if it's been sitting out.

As I said before. Everything in moderation.

I've been signed up to a nutrition/exercise study while pregnant. So note everything down and am generally super healthy. This is good as the person leading the study (and probably my colleague) will have a field day with my dinner. Chips and cheese butty. Dh mentioned them yesterday. And it's all we've been dreaming about.

Janey50 · 03/04/2017 18:09

The bloody damned cheek of these people! I can't believe how rude they are. What the hell has it got to do with them what you eat or drink? I think some people see a pregnant woman and instantly turn into the 'food and drink in pregnancy' police. And besides which,the checkout woman obviously didn't know what she was talking about as it has now been decided by the experts that eating peanuts during pregnancy is not an allergy risk for your baby. Indeed,some experts even suggest that it may make your baby LESS likely to develop a peanut allergy. If any of these people (especially checkout woman who was talking out of her arse) had spoken to me like this,I would have been rather rude! I'd have said something along the lines of 'And you are an expert then?'. Thankfully when I was pregnant,way back in 1983,there were nowhere near as many rules and regulations regarding unsafe food or drink during pregnancy. The only taboo was smoking.

lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 18:14

my family gave me lots of grief for being vegetarian throughout my pregnancy. I got anemia which they presumed must be because i dont eat meat.... even though my doctor assured me that my anemia was not due to lack of meat.
The amount of people i got saying 'eat a steak' at me.......

DagenhamRoundhouse · 03/04/2017 18:14

Good heavens, when you think what pregnant women used to eat and drink - during the war years and before and after. Lots of cigarettes, beer, etc. How is that a pregnant woman now becomes public property too?

Winetemptress · 03/04/2017 18:16

Fuck me I just have a scary face as no one has ever said anything like that to me wnen pregnant. Mind you was last pregnant 16 years ago

Maybe people have just got more stupid and rude.

A loud mind your own fucking business would suffice though

ethelfleda · 03/04/2017 18:21

I've prepped DH now in case this comes my way when I start to show - he is now on stand by to tell people to back the fuck off if they start interfering

emmyhNL · 03/04/2017 18:30

When I was pregnant I had people question what I was drinking. If I was buying wine in the supermarket it would be "are you sure you're allowed that?" if I had alcohol free beer even I was told that it could damage the baby.

Some awful outdated advice as well.

treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 18:39

People don't offer advice out of concern for the unborn child.

They offer advice because it makes them feel superior.

paddypants13 · 03/04/2017 18:41

Lazy - I also got anaemia during my second pregnancy. However, I am a meat eater. Feel free to mention that to anyone who tells you you need to eat a steak!

Mummmy2017 · 03/04/2017 18:42

Tell them your fat not Preggers and what they run away..

Kittymum03 · 03/04/2017 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ericaequites · 03/04/2017 18:57

Everyone should have CO and smoke detectors in his/her home, regardless of pregnancy. It can be especially dangerous when heating with wood or coal.

raspberrysuicide · 03/04/2017 18:59

I made chicken satay with peanut sauce when I was pregnant and loads of people on my Facebook told me I couldn't have peanuts!

Ericaequites · 03/04/2017 19:01

In the United States, FAS and FAE are a serious problem, especially among First Nations populations. America is also full of litigious people who are terrified of any sort of risk. Finding unpasteurized cheese is very hard now.

VestalVirgin · 03/04/2017 19:12

I had the opposite. I ordered a virgin margarita in a restaurant. I drink some of it and was sure I could taste tequila. I asked the waitress who told me 'Yes, the bar tender said it wouldn't taste of anything without the alcohol' confused. Apparently the people working in that restaurant have the sort of tongues that can't detect the taste of lime juice and sugar.

WHAT?
I hope someone sues them, soon. That's attempted poisoning and could kill someone if things go bad - someone takes medication, has a weak liver, etc.

vixen68 · 03/04/2017 19:13

Seriously what gives people the right to tell what to do .. obviously if you were clearly shooting up and swigging White lightening then fair play a small look and tut .... but WTAF.. I'd have said I'm not pregnant I'm fat and you can sod off

ElisavetaFartsonira · 03/04/2017 19:24

That's so awful about adding alcohol without you knowing! What if you were an alcoholic and on the medication that makes you sick if you drink? Or people who don't drink for religious reasons, or are on medication where alcohol is contra-indicated, or who have cirrhosis?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 03/04/2017 19:36

I want to see the evidence that the occasional alcoholic drink in pregnancy has ever caused a single case of FAS anywhere in the world.

The "no alcohol" guideline was concocted with the very patronising coda that it was intended to simplify the advice for the poor silly women who don't understand what "an occasional drink" means. Luckily, I and the vast majority of pregnant women, do understand the concept of an occasional drink and so made our choices accordingly. Once I was past about 20 weeks, I probably had 1 drink every week for the rest of my pregnancies! Fancy that.

I don't believe that the no alcohol advice has saved many babies from FAS, sadly, because the women who would drink to the extent that they'd harm their unborn child, are in the grip of an addiction which even pregnancy is unlikely to alter.

falange · 03/04/2017 19:39

Not good. It was much better in the olden days when you could smoke, drink, eat what you want and eat absolutely loads and loads. nor were you expected to lose any weight you'd put on within 3 months of giving birth. Ahh the good old days

ChangelingToday · 03/04/2017 19:39

I love those peanut butter and maple bars! 😋

BabychamSocialist · 03/04/2017 19:43

I know what you mean. It's almost like you become public property and people think they're helping.

I ordered a drink once in a bar and the waiter was a bit iffy about it because he thought I was pregnant. I wasn't, I was just on new medication at the time that caused me to gain weight and retain water...

We've come a long way from the days when doctors recommended women drink Guinness every week in their pregnancy!

MaliceKitten · 03/04/2017 20:22

I know exactly how you feel. While pregnant with my twins my co-worker refused to sell me a snickers bar as it had peanuts (my doctor and midwife said these were ok). I bought a bottle of mead for my husband and was reminded by the shop worker that drinking was bad for me in my state. I got dirty looks in Yo Sushi for getting my cucumber and avocado maki fix (there was no fish in it). And best of all when at bar/ restaurant with my father celebrating him being a grandfather again and sipping on a glass of lemonade a woman walked up to me and started ranting at me about drinking while pregnant. I was 16 weeks along with my twins and it was noticeable.

BlooBagoo · 03/04/2017 20:52

The only judgement I got for eating things when pregnant was in online groups, I was one of only a few Brits and the members in the US were astounded at me having a simple ham sandwich for lunch. They couldn't believe it was recommended in a booklet my midwife had given me for "easy lunch ideas" and with no mention of "zapping" the meat at all.

This entire topic has led to me having to go buy myself a Snickers though, and I'm not even pregnant.

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