Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

Oh god, I'm 7 +3 with my first and will go full bat shit crazy if people start trying to lecture me this way! I haven't smoked since the first day of my last period, haven't drank since I got my Bfp and avoided all the other nasties but I am damn well going to have a small drink on my birthday (in June) and am fully aware I can eat peanuts and runny eggs if I choose to. Why does a pregnant womans body become public property?!

The thing is, lots of people really do believe they know best (all the people on this thread saying what should or should not be consumed). The problem is that it shouldn't take a genius to work out that there are lots of different opinions and that therefore it's probably not appropriate to insist on imposing your view.

I have some sympathy when you are buying drugs and the pharmacist asks the question as there is a genuine professional and ethical duty of care there. But everyone else can get stuffed.

My brother tried to police my wine intake when I was pregnant with dd. I didn't take it well

I ignored most of the advice tbh apart from laying off the booze and fags.

Most of it changes and makes no sense. Common sense is the best approach.

Wouldn't dream of remarking on someone else's diet.

I'm not saying I'm old but there was a smoking room (for mums) when I last had a baby

LouLou I'm pretty sure my midwife gave me about a gallon of luzozade before she tested for gestational diabetes!!

I had the same response when ordering a breakfast with eggs. Very bizarre! I can't believe the coffee one!

I lived on tea during pregnancy, I also used to have white wine spritzers about twice a month however I was very strict on pate I found the comments when I was breastfeeding to be worse. I kept having to explain myself to people about guidelines etc.
I wish I'd just told them to fuck off.

The upsetting thing is that when I miscarried my first baby all I could focus on was what I'd done wrong before I lost the baby- I'd had a drink without knowing I was pregnant for example. I also had people asking if I worked too hard, had carried too much or hadn't got enough rest.

Sadly I know I wasn't alone in being asked that sort of thing. When I got pregnant again I was so paranoid and worried remembering those comments that I was rigid with the guidelines.

Some of these are unbelievable! Who do people think they are!?

When I was pregnant with DS, I lost my appetite completely until around 16 weeks, I was lucky if I could manage a couple of biscuits all day. The one thing I could eat was vanilla flavoured yoghurts and my work fridge was filled with them. 2 of my colleagues took it apoun themselves to throw them away as they were 1 day out of date! I was fuming. They are total germaphobes and I'm in the 'if it looks and smells ok I'll eat it.'

I was told by my male gp when we first found out I was preg to immediately stop horse riding as it'd bruise my vagina. I was thinking well surely if I've been riding for years I've already done that.

Midwife and riding instructor were also at gps comments and both said they were happy for me to continue riding if I was. Instructor has minimised the risks a bit - no jumping. More placid pony.

We had a do at work on Friday to celebrate my promotion. Champagne was involved. Most people who have had kids said nothing when I had a glass. The ones wth no kids tried to tell me I'd kill my baby. And tried to get me to switch to orange. Which I did after my glass of bubbly. But because I had to drive home later that evening after dinner. No other reason. I was also judged by them for having crab pasta. Apparently all seafood is bad.

@ememem84 the seafood thing I've had a lot. I went a seafood restaurant a few weeks ago and ordered a huge seafood platter (it was all cooked etc and totally within "the guidelines"). When the waitress served our dishes and I claimed that as mine her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

I then demolished the lot and said thank you as we left as I'd been craving seafood really badly 😜

Oh my goodness I am loving this thread!! This is my first pregnancy (now 32 weeks) and I can honestly say it has been 7 months of being terrified and confused by all the 'advice'. I am a worrier but it has been eye opening to find out who amongst my friends are the scare mongerers. People have appeared outraged that I drink caffeine and at this stage I do not care. I read a great book called "expecting better" which disseminates a lot of the NHS and general advice with surprising conclusions.

I've got a couple of pregnancy apps and I'm considering deleting them because every day I go on hoping to read something nice and every day there is a link to something anxiety making "you are 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant, have you considered worrying about x?!" Then there is a link to how you should check x with the midwife because this might lead to birth defects or stillbirth. Following this advice would lead to a daily call to the midwife. Literally. I absolutely cannot wait to give birth so that I don't have the constant fears and constant unsolicited pregnancy advice about what I should do and when I should do it.

Rant over.

I took my vitamins this morning by swigging a bit of (alcohol free) wine from the fridge as we opened a bottle yesterday. Turned round to see my massive busybody of a neighbour staring open-mouthed through the window at pregnant lady popping pills and swigging wine from the bottle at 7am. I just waved at him .

Can guarantee that all the other neighbours will have heard by the time I get home this evening...

I didn't (and don't) smoke anyway but I did have the odd glass of wine. I would be judgey about smoking but then I am judgey about smoking anyway, pregnant or not.

I didn't drink tea or coffee until I was about 14 weeks in as I didn't like the taste but drank it for the rest (couldn't cope with frothy milk though so just had filter coffee with hot milk rather than my usual latte etc - funny what your body does to you).

Nobody ever told me I should not have a glass of wine. I didn't notice anyone looking askance if I had a glass.

Is it a new thing (ds is 14)? There was an article the other week about a study in Wales where women have commented on busybodyness of other people regarding pregnancy.

Ultimately the advice changes all the time. After all, years ago you were told to "go to work on an egg". Then everyone became obsessed with cholesterol and said you should only have one egg a week. Now they're a good option again.

I'd take all pregnancy-related advice with a hefty pinch of salt. I often think it's all about controlling women. I am a great believer of all things in moderation (except smoking).

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I really needed a laugh, thank you!
That's hilarious haha. I reckon you'll be talk of the street for a good few days!

YANBU. It sounds very irritating. The one time it happened to me I pretended I wasn't pregnant and enjoyed watching the nosey busy body's embarrassment.

I'd be judgey about smoking, but not seeing a pregnant woman drinking. My consultant even said to me that the benefits of having a small glass of wine or a beer down the pub occasionally, far outweighed the negatives. But I don't drink anyway so it didn't matter.

Unless you're necking shots and eating kilos of soft cheese and shark every day, carry on eating what you can stomach!

Sat here eating the maple and whey snacky bar thing today. Feeling much more militant today. Determined to enjoy every last bite of this one, unlike yesterday's.

I've just had an experience which instantly made me think of this thread because it's given me the serious rage

Dh has hayfever so I went to our local small pharmacy and asked for some hayfever stuff. The woman picked them up from behind the counter, clocked my massive bump then read the back. Conversation then went like this:

Her: 'You can't take these if you're pregnant' (complete with shitty look which I did not imagine).

Me: Oh they're not for me, my husband needs them.

Her: (Hesitating and putting them on the counter with her hand still over the box and shitty, superior look still on her face) 'Hmm, are you certain you'll not be taking any? Because you really shouldn't, they're not safe for the baby'.

Me: (Through gritted teeth) 'Like I just said, they're for my husband'.

Her: Well what's wrong with him?

Me: Uh he has hayfever really badly today. Runny eyes, sneezing...hayfever'

Her: (Clearly delaying and desperate not to sell me them for some reason) 'Well he should really go to the GP, he can get hayfever medication on prescription'.

Me: [Death stare] 'Well if people with hayfever should have a prescription, why do you sell these over the counter?'

She sold them to me, slowly and grudgingly with her shitty look intact. I've never experienced anything like this and it left me bloody furious!

bigegg2 My first pregnancy was very like that. We lived surrounded by a coterie of retired women and the second they found out, after all the "congratulations" and whatnot, it was like there was almost a competition between some of them to try to tell me the most appalling and horrific urban fucking myths stories they knew of their in-law's sister's dog's walker's cousin who gave birth to a baby sideways and promptly squeezed her entire pelvis out of her vagina afterwards and had to be sewn back together with hay-baling twine by a veterinarian because there were no doctors on hand. Every time I met them one had a new anecdote or horror story to share. After I got caught at my garden gate with the worst one who had started a particularly grim tale, and more because I was feeling light headed than anything else and wanted to go sit down, I finally interrupted to ask if she'd tell the same kinds of frightening, unhelpful stories to someone with cancer. It caused a lot of offence and she naturally argued that it's "not the same thing" but it had the desired effect - as a whole group, they stopped speaking to me about my pregnancy. (In fact, they stopped speaking to me altogether but by that stage that was a blessing.) Anyway, for some reason pregnancy, birth, and childcare is surrounded by so much voodoo and witchcraft. It is also a massive industry and the fear-factor is a major, major money-maker. If you should get round to a second pregnancy, all I can say is that you don't get less of it - actually I think I've had more this time because my bump showed sooner and it's already massive - but you do get a lot better at rolling your eyes and carrying on about your business.

Holy shit, secret, that is WAY beyond the pale. What is with this belief that pregnant women are stupid, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and knowingly downright dangerous to their unborn child?! God it really bakes my fucking noodle.

I'm fairly relaxed about it all really. I'm following the everything in moderation rule. Yesterday I had a wine as well. But probably won't have any more until may when I go to a friend's wedding.

The only things I am avoiding are soft cheeses, pate (even though I love it) and steak (I only really like it rare to me it's a waste to have it well done so will avoid until after baby comes).

Hi

Had I ever been able to have my own child, I too would have found it hard to take. However, I now have a daughter who has life long brain damage and other physical issues because her birth mother thought it was ok to drink whilst pregnant. Before I get slammed over this concerning peoples right to choose and that she would have had more than one drink at a time, I just find it difficult to understand why someone would want to take the risk. She's now stuck with permanent disabilities for the rest of her life..... it doesn't seem fair somehow.

*Fat bird
*
I'm sorry about your daughter and what her mother did. But having one small drink a month or even less is not harming the baby. Fetal alcohol syndrome (if that's what your daughter had) is from heavy drinking. These women having 1 small drink is not the same thing at all. The evidence is that there is virtually no affect on the baby in utero from a small amount of alcohol.

I have been really lucky and no one has said anything to me in either of my pregnancies (I think I am so old for this one that anyone who sees my bump just assumes I must have a serious cake habit, or a growth). I ordered a glass of red and ate some rare-ish steak at a Brazilian restaurant the other night and no one batted an eyelid.

My only brush with a pharmacist was over aspirin which the consultant recommended due to concerns over pre-eclampsia. I tried to buy 75mg tablets (the standard over the counter dose is 300 mg) and he wouldn't give them to me without a prescription despite my explanation of the reasons. I don't blame him, but I couldn't be bothered to try to get a prescription, so ended up buying the 300mg ones and breaking them into four pieces. Not very scientific or especially accurate but I seem to have survived.

Fatbird71 Whilst I have every sympathy for your daughter and what I assume is her FAS, there's a substantial difference between the amount that her mother would have had to consume, in a way that simply could not be mistaken for any kind of moderation (multiple drinks daily, probably consistent with alcoholism) and what is being discussed here (a single glass of wine per week/month/pregnancy).

For perspective, every time I get in the car, climb in the bath, have a shower, go up and down the stairs, or go for a walk, I run a significantly higher risk of ending or harming my pregnancy than the risks posed by a single glass of wine a week or month. Again, I have every sympathy for your daughter, but holding up extreme outcomes of extreme choices doesn't really help those of us conscientiously trying to make a moderate, sensible path through the often-conflicting advice out there.