Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

I'm shit at being pregnant. I didn't know most of these except alcohol and caffeine... I don't really drink much anyway but did have a glass at Christmas this pregnancy. And I have a couple of cups of tea a day which is a reduction from my usual 8 or so. I had a blue cheese sandwich for lunch today though and it was delicious .

Huh. I wonder what all the docs/MWs/etc. think when they read my notes then. Doesn't smoke/drink/snort. Exercised a lot in the run-up to pregnancy. Reasonably healthy diet. I wonder if that somehow translates to "yet another couch-dwelling, chip-scoffing, crack-head".

expat I wondered that too

There was a heavily pregnant woman drinking a pint and smoking at pub I passed yesterday. I felt the rage.

I told midwife I'd never smoked and was asked to complete a carbon monoxide breath test - I believe they're fairly common now? It did frustrate me as it felt like I was immediately mistrusted.

I had this with peanut butter. Whilst I never properly went off of food I craved peanut butter and had it daily. A friend gave me a huge lecture about how my baby would turn out to be allergic if I continued eating it, given that I'd told all of my numerous midwives (lots of swaps happened during my pregnancy!) and not a single one said anything about it I figured that I was fine!

rattie turns out you were doing the right thing after all. You should go back and wave the new research in your friend's face.

I'm not at all petty.

Limited it's worms in the raw fish in sushi - and they are killed off by freezing. Some fish doesn't even have the worms so doesn't even need the freezing treatment.

Iirc there was a study showing that for women who drink say a glass of wine a night regularly, quitting completely during pregnancy actually resulted in bad behaviour in the children in early years - they thought because os increased cortisol or stress from not having the regular relaxation. But all the studies point out that genetic factors and other issues like affluence and living conditions/diet cannot be separated out enough to give a definitive answer as to whether moderate alcohol is ok or not. I was told in 2012 that a glass of wine a day was fine by the specialist in my ivf clinic, and when I went to France 5 month pg I was laughed at when I said I couldn't eat the goat's cheese and people kept topping up my wine and telling me they'd simply cut down to 10 cigs a day for pregnancy

A pharmacist refused to sell me a thrush pessary. My midwife had recommended. With the level of cunt itch I had right then I could well have killed her! I had to go get a prescription what a waste of fucking NHS money. Luckily my GP happy to do over the phone but still. . . Next time i got it (still pregnant - bloody hormones!) I sent my DH no questioned him even tho he doesn't have a vagina to stuff it up!
With regard to food didn't have too much but people seemed to expect me to be eating for 3 (twins) kept being told i needed to eat more - first half of pregnancy i felt sick second half i was too big to want to much at once just grazed therefore couldn't finish meals out/ would only have small sandwich for lunch in office (but ate every hour - so over day ate more than normal). Got fed up people telling me 'to stop worrying about my weight!' I wasn't i just ate a little when i fancied cos if I ate more I vomitted! Not great when toilet is other end of open plan office!

I just remembered - back in my first pregnancy my OH actually tried to do a bit of food policing. I think he went after the single glorious beautiful orgasmic cup of tea that I perve over each morning. If memory serves, my response was somewhere along the lines of "Get between me and that, and so help me god I'll rip your face off and eat the flesh". He's never made that mistake since.

Thats the funniest thing I have heard all day, just brilliante

Ha! Dove I have exactly this right now. How I would LOVE to eat a massive three course meal, but there is physically no space left in my body for that food to go anywhere except back out of my mouth again. MIL is the worst. "Are you hungry?" "Yes, but remember, only make me a little portion." She piles my plate with food, I can barely eat a quarter, and then she starts telling me that I must eat more, I'm eating for three, stop dieting, it's not good for the babies, etc. etc. Every. Single. Time.

I need some chocolate.

'I told midwife I'd never smoked and was asked to complete a carbon monoxide breath test - I believe they're fairly common now? It did frustrate me as it felt like I was immediately mistrusted.'

Holy shit! That's treating someone like a criminal! That's fucking unbelievable.

I believe it's standard in my trust, which I don't have a problem with per se. I would rather her have asked me to do the breath test then if the results were high to ask about my smoking habits.

'I believe it's standard in my trust, which I don't have a problem with per se. I would rather her have asked me to do the breath test then if the results were high to ask about my smoking habits.'

I'd rather be treated like a law-abiding adult capable of telling the truth then its being assumed I'm a liar. Can only imagine if men would put up with that if they were the ones pregnant? That is fucking shocking.

especially as people tend to push the boundaries anyway
This is why they want blanket rules. Not because one glass of wine will harm your baby but they think women are idiots and will drink 6 glasses if you tell them they can have one.

People are hysterically telling pregnant women in pain that they can't take paracetamol while quoting 'research' e.g. some trickle down nonsense the Daily Mail have printed as 'PARACETAMOL KILLS BABIES' whilst many of us have had to take much stronger during pregnancy.

Lots of drugs are deemed unsafe in pregnancy because they have not been officially tested on pregnant women (due to ethical issues).

So even if no abnormalities or harm is ever reported despite 1000's of pregnant women taking something it will STILL be not recommended in pregnancy.

Most women are perfectly able to weigh up pros and cons just as they are able to do that when they are NOT pregnant.

My midwife told me it was for carbon monoxcide in air pollution too

'My midwife told me it was for carbon monoxcide in air pollution too'

I'd ask her to explain that. What's the point of monitoring that with regards to air pollution since they can't change that, they can't magic you up a new house if you live in an area of high air pollution, or tell you not to go outside if you live in such an area and you have to go out and make a living. Bullshit, it's done to police women because it's assumed they are all lying idiots.

The carbon monoxide stuff is just awful. Treats women like liars, and the money could be so much better used.

I don't understand the carbon monoxide testing. The air pollution is crap near our local hospital, if they don't know that they must be stupid. If people are smoking during pregnancy then I doubt they will listen to the midwife anyway.

Do you have any source of that? I read studies showing that light to moderate alcohol intake it had either no, or a positive effect - in fact, the major, millennial cohort study showed just that.

Same here.

I do find in these discussions people warning about the dangers of alcohol in pregnancy tend to call consumption moderate when it's nowhere near, though. Whenever you ask for evidence, someone will always cite something with someone having 1-2 units a day rather than a week, which obviously would be high for pregnancy.

I wonder if that's what the poster was referring to, because of course there is evidence that high consumption is risky.

My friend had put up a photo of her doing a spin on a pole when about 6 months pregnant (she's an instructor and had stopped inverting but was still doing v low level stuff)
Someone commented that she shouldn't be reaching up because she would strangle the baby with the umbilical cord. I nearly wet myself laughing at that one
Thank god she didn't see my other friend who is riding her horse this week. On her due date

The CO test might also flag up a failing gas appliance which isn't such a bad thing...

Elisaveta I find in these discussions that most pregnant women turn out to have or have had at least one healthcare professional give them some kind if guideline or advice as to what they should/shouldn't consume and the reasonable quantities thereof - you know, actual professionals. I don't think anyone has a problem with that even though such advice is subject to change given ongoing advancements in medical knowledge and what was allowable before now isn't and vice versa. Whether or not expectant mums follow that advice or not is of course entirely up to them, everyone knows smoking is dangerous for the foetus as is excessive alcohol but no amount of breathalysing is going to shame a self-absorbed heavy smoker/drinker into stopping so what's the point of infantilising ALL women. Just because some patients lie doesn't mean we should all be treated as liars.

I think though what the OP and many others most have a problem with are the random officious, non-professional know-alls who insist on policing their intake of whatever when they are trying to behave responsibly within the guidelines they've been given by professionals and just have a little something which, in moderation, is not harmful.

'The CO test might also flag up a failing gas appliance which isn't such a bad thing...'

Instead of telling women that they should have a CO detector in their home to monitor such failing gas appliances? Or asking if they even have any gas appliances in their homes?

It's done because the system assumes women are liars.

Whether or not expectant mums follow that advice or not is of course entirely up to them, everyone knows smoking is dangerous for the foetus as is excessive alcohol but no amount of breathalysing is going to shame a self-absorbed heavy smoker/drinker into stopping so what's the point of infantilising ALL women. Just because some patients lie doesn't mean we should all be treated as liars.

Yep. And bear in mind those carbon monoxide tests all cost money too. At a time where postnatal care is stretched to the bone, when delivery units close regularly, when women are denied epidurals and one to one midwife care for resource reasons. I imagine we could all think of a dozen better uses for that NHS time and resources.