Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

telling pg women TO avoid chocolate I mean!

Sorry. I find it bizarre that anyone can't just 'not' drink for 9 months. If you find it so hard to avoid wine or beer during the stage your baby's brain is developing, even as a 'treat', then you have other issues.

The salient point, though, is why do that when there's no evidence that moderate consumption, ie 1-2 units every week or two, is dangerous? I imagine your response will be something along the lines of not taking the risk, no proven safe level etc. But then that would generally be a standard people don't insist on for consuming other things during pregnancy.

Fuck me I'd be a lot less polite than you!

I ate sushi and peanut butter when I was pregnant. And soft cheese.

YANBU.
Btw, as far as I know some coffee is ok as well (that's what I was told).

200 mg of caffeine (about 10 ounces of coffee) are safe, I think.

Still an amount that makes me suffer through pregnancy, tbh. I don't drink or smoke, so theseare luckily not an issue... But the coffe? I obviously stick to it. But it nearly kills me, tbh... I've been drinking strong coffee regularly since I was... maybe 11? (my mother is Italian)

... I'm stuck on the fact you can buy a full English breakfast as a takeaway. That sounds... awful.

That was aimed at wando btw
Large quantities of coffee are associated with a higher risk of stillbirth etc. But small/medium amounts are considered safe...

Fuck knows how us mums of adult children actually managed to get to term.

I sat in the pub garden once drinking a glass of Pimms whilst breastfeeding my 4 month old, no comments but I could see people judging

I used to work in a shop and used to judge the fuck out of pregnant woman buying cigarettes. I never showed it on my face or said a word to them though, as I'm not a cow!

I still judge smoking and/or drinking pregnant women but I still wouldn't say anything.

Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"

You are not an arsehole, you're a boss!

I had the opposite once, I ask for 1-shot lattes when pregnant to eek out the caffine allowance, some poncey hipster place refused, as it would upset the balance of flavour or something...

Back in the 70s we weren't told to avoid anything.I ate and drank and carried on as normal,my friends did the same and we all had healthy babies. Having babies has been going on since time began and it's only recently that people have become obsessed with cutting out or cutting things down that have always been seen as normal.

I have always preferred rock solid eggs to runny, but even while pregnant in a country which does nothing to de-salmonella its eggs I struggled to get mine cooked the way I want. A waiter once threw a tantrum and shouted "you want it burned?? Burned!! Fine, we burn it for you!!!"

I just did not want it runny.

Not my first pregnancy - already have DS and DD1 and 2, fingers crossed. Unfortunately, I think I have a resting "help me, I'm an idiot" face. I also tend to hesitate at giving offence, so I do bring some of this on myself. So far it's also been a less-than-relaxed pregnancy - firstly twins, then suddenly at one of the scans, "oh fuck they might have major complications", but thank god, as of this Friday, the specialists have declared that everything is fine - there's just a minor growth issue in one to monitor. As a result, over the past four weeks, I've probably spent more time with obstetricians than with my own family, grilling them alive for everything I should/shouldn't do/eat/drink. More protein was definitely not on their list of sins. In fact one of them pulled out some research that tentatively suggests that pregnant woman should be encouraged to eat more, but it's very early stage.

Anyway, I guess after all that stress, having waddled my planet sized bump down to the shops for some mapley peanutty goodness, I just wasn't in the mood for "advice" today. Still feeling a bit shit for the reaction to her though. She was clearly a bit nettled. I get the wish to help, and credit her with having no malice in her "advice", but at the same time, it does feel a bit like pregnant women are deemed as suddenly becoming literally too stupid to even eat food without it being checked on and approved by another adult first.

already have DS and this will be* DD1 and 2...

Clearly to pregnant to even proof-read anymore. God help us all.

*too

I give up.

When I was first pregnant (many, many moons ago) I had terrible trouble sleeping and was in tears at the GP's -- my lovely, hippy-ish/alternative doctor suggested I have a small whisky at night to help me sleep.....

When I was at my grumpiest at the end of my first pregnancy, my midwife told me that what I needed was a nice long bath with a big glass of red wine..

I didn't have any issues with the occasional glass of wine/rare steak/cheese etc. I must have one of those faces too - I did steer clear of pate because of the vitamin A thing though, and I didn't eat runny eggs when out, because whilst domestic eggs from the supermarket are all from vaccinated hens, the eggs that commercial kitchens use may not be.

I read that the last listeria outbreaks in the UK were in butter and bagged salad, so it's not even aimed at the right stuff!

I was so ready to rip anyone to pieces if this happened to me, but it never really did. I must have looked primed and ready to verbally disembowel so people must have decided not to mess with me.

Seriously, when you got hard eggs/ prawnless salads etc did you not all go demand it be put right?!

Pregnant now and current advice is to avoid Liver (Inc pate), shark/snapper, minimum of Tuna but that's about it - ands that's due to Vit A& Mercury levels. Sushi, cheese, reduced caffeine and odd glass of wine is all fine. Think the last listeria outbreak was caused by bagged salad so advice is to thoroughly wash veg and keep eye on health site for product recalls.

I had huge ovarian cysts so still looked pregnant after dc and had this.

Rather than explain the cysts I used to say Ohh I'm not pregnant I'm just fat...

Works better than any put down as they are always mortified and I would be tempted to use it if I was pregnant... (evil)

Imamouseduh You are not wrong. It even comes in squeaky polystyrene (sp?) that somewhat melts if the food put onto it is too hot. That's why there wasn't one for me. [boak]

The worst is when you are towards the end of the pregnancy and people make daft comments like
" Aww you not had baby yet? "
Yeah, I had baby. Left the child at home and shoved a beach ball up my top too keep up the facade.

Or when strangers would try and touch the bump, the amount of times I'd be swatting hands away I felt like I was doing karate.

Just give them a blank stare and remain silent, will throw them off conpletley.

I always recommend 'Expecting Better' by Emily Oster for an evidence-based digest of the facts around this stuff.

FWIW, what I did in my pregnancies:
Caffeine: stuck to the limit at the time - 300mg a day for nos. 1 and 2, 200mg for no. 3. That basically amounted to one decent cup of coffee a day (I don't make it very strong) and perhaps one or two cups of tea, although I had it (the tea) decaf as often as not. Tbh, I didn't generally factor in chocolate.
Alcohol: complete abstinence for approx the first 18-20 weeks (except in nos. 2 and 3 when it was my birthday around 12 weeks each time and I had two small glasses of wine on consecutive evenings (away for weekend)). Thereafter a small glass every 2 or 3 weeks.
Smoking: yuk, no, didn't/don't smoke anyway but eurgh. That is one thing I think is really damaging in any amount.
Food: the guidelines on preventing listeriosis and toxoplamosis made sense to me, considering the potential nastiness of the consequences. I don't/didn't eat most of the foods said to carry listeriosis risk, but I avoided soft/mouldy cheeses or had them very, very well cooked, e.g. on pizza. I made sure I washed fruit and veg extra well. Avoided peanuts the first two times around but not the last time, by which time guidelines had changed. Had runny eggs the third time as I felt able to exclude the potential salmonella risk.

Oh and I was also eating a lot of peanut protein bars. I had huge aversions to all meat while pregnant and eggs trigger my eczema so I had to get protein from somewhere!

Don't feel bad about what you said- it really is none of their business and perhaps now they won't go upsetting anyone else!

You can have funny eggs now, as long as they are lion stamped.

I'd tell them to mind their own business.

However, it reminded me of this blatant bit of faux outrage from Amy Childs.

At least was a bit more subtle about product placement