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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

438 replies

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 02/04/2017 11:10

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 03/04/2017 20:59

One gastropub refused me a cheeseboard when i was pregnant and where i worked told me i couldn't have the brie sandwiches on the platter.

I went to Canada while pregnant and a lot of the bars have pics of pregnant women in a red circle with a line thru it. I had a small wine in couple of places and was told it was alright as i was European so they knew we were alcys different.

BunsyGirl · 03/04/2017 22:17

With DS2 I had an argument over a steak in a restaurant. I requested it medium, the waitress insisted that it should be well done. This was in France of all places!! With DS1 I went out to dinner with some colleagues. One was pregnant and she made a huge issue out of me having mayonnaise. She'd also got on her high horse previously about me eating cheesecake. She gave birth two months early due to stress and her child is still having medical issues seven years later...meanwhile, I ate what I wanted, went to full term and had a fit and healthy child.

apringle · 04/04/2017 01:18

I feel bad for babies whose mothers drink alcohol while pregnant but never say anything as if that's the type of mom they're going to have, it's probably going to be the least of that kids problems!

BillSykesDog · 04/04/2017 02:14

I used to work in a pub and it can be a tough call sometimes. Obviously nobody gives a shit about a pint of Guinness. But when you've got an obviously pregnant woman on her third double whiskey you do wonder if you should stop. It's a hard one, because you know they'll just go elsewhere.

ememem84 · 04/04/2017 06:45

apringle assumingly you feel bad for those kids who's mothers drink regularly during pregnancy or to excess? Not just one beer or one glass of champagne/wine at an event. Huge difference.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/04/2017 07:36

It's the tea thing that makes me laugh. Between dd1 and 2 it went from 6 cups a day to 1. I stuck with the original advice, drank as much as I wanted and just Smiled at the student midwife. Interestingly I went off it at the start with dd2 but with dd1 it was the only thing I could drink when I had ms (dd2 though I couldn't drink anything at all and had anti sickness meds and nearly ended up in hospital). About 50% of women I know have continued to drink tea as usual in pregnancy. I think the Starbucks type coffee can be really strong though, particularly if you are drinking caffeine elsewhere. I stuck to decaf coffee but if you only drink coffee not tea then it's different.

I thinking yanbu op, and the worst thing about it is the blame aspect and how it makes people feel if things go wrong. I also think that the most dangerous thing pregnant women do is probably traveling in cars.

This thread makes me really relieved that pregnancy is something I won't be going through again in this life.

treaclesoda · 04/04/2017 07:44

I feel bad for babies whose mothers drink alcohol while pregnant but never say anything as if that's the type of mom they're going to have, it's probably going to be the least of that kids problems!

I had the occasional small glass of wine when I was pregnant and my children are just fine thanks. They're loved, well cared for, healthy, they have boundaries, and they are at the top of their classes at school too. Your judgement concern is very misplaced.

On the other hand, I feel sorry for kids whose mothers are so judgemental, so maybe all this feeling sorry for the kids all evens out in the end...

Willow2017 · 04/04/2017 08:34

Apringle

I wonder if you know the difference between heavy drinking and an occasional glass of wine?

Big difference, huge difference.

Someone as judgemental as you appear to be would probably affect their kids more than the odd glass of wine. Must be tiring having to look down your nose at people all the time.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/04/2017 08:36

I feel sorry for children living with judgemental/stupid parents.

I don't tend to have people interfering in what I consume or trying to grope me. My expressive fuck off face is clearly working.

Roomster101 · 04/04/2017 08:56

I hope that this thread is not representative as if it is things have really changed in the last 20 years. I remember there being a big fuss in the US 20 years ago when a bar wouldn't serve a pregnant woman a glass of wine. Not only does that seem to be accepted practice there now but even in the UK complete strangers suddenly seem to think they can tell pregnant women what they can and can't do with their own bodies.

eurochick · 04/04/2017 09:02

The only issue I had was with drugs. On a couple of occasions Boots refused to sell me things - low dose aspirin for me, which I was told to take by my consultant, and codeine for my husband who was in agony at home. I just took off my baby on board badge, loosened my coat and went to another branch. It is ridiculously infantilising.

Winetemptress · 04/04/2017 09:03

Seriously random strangers come up to pregnant woman and demand they not drink that glass of wine? Really? Honestly some of these posts are a reveal as never ever have I heard anyone doing this or suffering this in all my years of pregnancies and my friends either. Where do you all live? Serious question.

treaclesoda · 04/04/2017 09:07

I was hospitalised due to illness when I was pregnant, and I was an inpatient on the maternity ward. I was prescribed strong pain relief by my consultant, after discussing risk, side effects, risks of not managing the pain properly etc. Some of the midwives refused to let me have it, despite it being prescribed. One of them even tutted and asked how I would cope with labour. With hindsight I wish I had complained because whilst I respect midwives as trained professionals, I also feel that advice from a consultant obstetrician trumps their personal opinions.

pollymere · 04/04/2017 09:15

I'm a Type 1 Diabetic. I have this every single day of my life. I once had low sugar levels in hospital and they refused to give me any sugar! Waitstaff are reluctant to let me have puddings and well meaning friends question everything I eat. Quite a few diabetics these days eat low carb but I use a different diet. It doesn't stop other diabetics telling me what to eat though! At least this is only temporary...

Roomster101 · 04/04/2017 09:36

I was hospitalised due to illness when I was pregnant, and I was an inpatient on the maternity ward. I was prescribed strong pain relief by my consultant, after discussing risk, side effects, risks of not managing the pain properly etc. Some of the midwives refused to let me have it, despite it being prescribed.

That seems a bit odd if you were an inpatient and it was prescribed by a consultant and dispensed by the pharmacy.

Original poster
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 09:48

Entirely believable though roomster if my current pregnancy is anything to go by. I was advised by a registrar to have aspirin, the MW at my next appointment questioned it with a somewhat scandalised air, and the consultant she raised it with then determined I didn't need it after all, but concluded I was a borderline case anyway so that to her mind, she could entirely understand the registrar's decision.

Admittedly slightly different circumstances but MWs pulling faces at consultant advice is something I'm quickly getting used to. (Not suggesting here the MWs are somehow the devil. I could write an essay on the consultant just a week ago that nearly drove me to file a very serious complaint and it was a fabulous MW absolutely saved the day. I just think there's a bit of dysfunction between the MW/doctor factions. But that's a whole 'nuther thread.)

OP posts:
Juliepops05 · 04/04/2017 10:01

I have a work friend who always tells me how she gave up all her favourite things during her pregnancy including alcohol, sushi, soft cheese, cold meats and caffeine as she didn't want her baby to be underweight! I'm dreading telling her that my obstetrician told me that I ( currently 5 weeks pregnant) can have all the above in moderation and by using my common senseSmileI just know she'll judge me Sad

Mulledwine1 · 04/04/2017 10:04

the checkout woman obviously didn't know what she was talking about as it has now been decided by the experts that eating peanuts during pregnancy is not an allergy risk for your baby. Indeed,some experts even suggest that it may make your baby LESS likely to develop a peanut allergy

Yes. I was advised not to eat peanuts when I was pregnant because DH and I both have families with allergies. But as you rightly point out, the advice has now changed.

Mulledwine1 · 04/04/2017 10:07

And best of all when at bar/ restaurant with my father celebrating him being a grandfather again and sipping on a glass of lemonade a woman walked up to me and started ranting at me about drinking while pregnant. I was 16 weeks along with my twins and it was noticeable

Did you tip your lemonade over her? She deserved it, nosy [enter expletive of choice]

Original poster
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 10:09

Julie congratulations and many best wishes for the most boring, textbook pregnancy in the history of childbearing. Flowers

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/04/2017 10:12

Julie why care if she judges you? See it as initial motherhood training. Once baby is here you will be judged for everything until they are 18, so get used to it and learn to avoid people like that

Willow2017 · 04/04/2017 10:23

Julie
If she says anything congratulate her. If she asks why say you didn't know she had become an obstetrician in her spare time otherwise stfu😂

God! thankfully I never had any of this shit with my 2. I would have lost the plot by the time I had been accosted by some random more than once😠

Juliepops05 · 04/04/2017 10:30

Increasingly you're right - I should start practising my comebacks Grin
Forthesake - thank you Smile

Juliepops05 · 04/04/2017 10:31

Willow - love that GrinGrin

S4RA · 04/04/2017 11:14

Whilst writing cunt on the roof of your mouth ^😂😂😂**This