To think that an 18 month old should sleep on her own???

[M2R2]

DH think she is still too small and he prefer to sleep next to her every night than to see her crying.
She is sharing a bed with us. Even if i put her to sleep in her bed she would wake up middle of the night and come to us.
I am tiered and fed up

Actually soupdragon I often do.

Cos I see posts on here from women who haven't had their DHs in bed with them for 4 years cos the child wants to co-sleep. And who insist it's fine, he doesn't mind honestly, it's more important DC is secure, it's only for a short while, yeah it's been longer than anticipated but they're only young once etc etc.

But I'll admit my opinion (that its not good for any marriage) is usually drowned out so I don't bother so much anymore.

ElspethFlashman there is more to a marriage than sleeping in the same bed. We don't co sleep with our DC and rarely share a bed. He snores like a trouper, I am the lightest sleeper on earth. The resulting exhaustion would be far worse for our marriage than not sleeping in the same bed.
We also manage to have plenty of sex... there are other rooms in the house other than the bedroom, and other times in the day other than bed time!

I've coslept with both my kids from birth and still do now (oldest is 5). 5yo now sleeps in a bed pushed up against mine. It's how we all get a great sleep and my kids are always happy when it's bedtime as it's a time of comfort and happiness. So IMO, 18 months is not too old to be in your bed.

What complicates things is that you are pregnant. I'm guessing the baby will be in with you? To avoid waking my eldest, DH slept in their room and I had the big bed in our room with baby. Felt safer (baby could have own half of double bed). What about bunk beds in your DD's room?

I agree. 18 months is not a baby. She's a child and should have her own room and bed.

Thank you everyone, i am having a hard time on this thread.
She was in basket till about 5 months she was sleeping great and loved it. When moving to a cot the hassle began although she was still in my room she wanted to be in bed with me and thats when we went wrong in allowing her as she never wanted to sleep in a cot after that.
When i found out i was pregnant i moved to the smaller room, bought dd1 and dd2 a day bed the one that open to a king size.
She was happy to sleep with her sister for the start but as I mentioned, she doesn't wake up for feeds she just wake up and need us to be there. So at the start i was getting to her room when she wake up put her back to sleep and come back to mine. Started going wrong as she was sick few months ago and i wasn't too good myself. So DH woke up couple of times when she did and instead of putting her back to sleep in her bed he brought her to ours. Few days after that she is daddy's girl who would only sleep with us.
She was sleeping by 8pm when she slept with her sister, now she is awake sometimes up to 11 waiting for us to go to sleep.
Thats why i strongly feel she was sleeping better without us. Not so grumpy during the day. Again thats me dealing with her during the day not dh.
He slept in her bed last night, was putting her to bed and fell asleep. I think i will try that for now at least will have my room as to get ready for new baby.
Laughing at being jealous ☺️

I can't believe how many precious people are on this thread.

Yes, getting your DD's enough sleep has to be a consideration too. She must be exhausted if she's not sleeping until 11pm.
There are gentle methods of sleep training you could try. Does your DH know that sleep training doesn't necessarily involve leaving her to cry?

It helps though. A hell of a lot of marriages need it.

And I'm sorry, but this notion that co-sleepers are forever shagging up against the cooker or in the downstairs loo or whatever leaves me cold. I just want to lie down in my own bed and have a warm toasty horizontal shag and drift off to sleep snuggled into my DH afterwards. And I have no idea how people with kids that young find the privacy when they follow you everywhere. It's always perplexed me how people do that for years so the toddler can sleep with Mum.

I must add that i have a small double room and doesn't fit a cot. Baby will be in a basket till he hopefully move before he needs a cot.

Was thinking of swapping the rooms again to put her in cot which wont be easy as she hates it but room isn't that big either and having a double bed and cot and basket will be too crowded. Plus once baby is born she will be waking up every time he does.

We don't do it up the cooker either . Like I said, we don't co sleep, we just don't share a bed most nights.

It's tricky as I don't think either your DH are wrong, YANBU to need your own space to sleep but your DH is also NBU unreasonable to not agree with having 18m old crying if there's a solution. Personally I don't think what your DH is doing is spoiling a child, it's just a different parenting style - Our 11m old sleeps with us too - DH (Asian) slept with his DPs till he asked for his own room when he started reception.

Maybe look into some of the 'gentle'/ 'no cry' methods of sleep training. I had some success with waiting till DS was in a deep sleep then putting him back in the cot next to our bed (but I found it exhausting staying awake/bad on my back so decided it was better for us just to co-sleep after his first wake up.)

I hope you find a solution that works well for you all.

I have a 6 year old and a 7 month old, I've never shared with either, both in their own rooms, one in bed, one in cot. I would not be able to rest, I'd be worried all night. I understand why some people do it but for people like me it's never going to work. At 18 months i think she's old enough and if you're struggling i would definitely make the transition now. Might be hard work but so worth it. I think sometimes people hang on thinking it will be easier when they're older and they won't want to share anymore. But from what I hear they still do want to share, some as old as 6 or 7 because it's what they've always known. And then they have more stamina to fight you. Good luck.

My DD was very similar to yours OP. Moses basket was absolutely fine. Cot was hated.
We had the cot in our room so she would wake and end up in the bed!
Putting her in her own toddler bed solved it.
There was maybe a few days of crying at bedtime. No more than 5-10 mins on the first night, much shorter on the days after, not a peep after that. She now settles very happily.
I have to admit, I'm a bit perplexed about why you put them in together. Maybe she would like her own big girl bed?

Sounds like your dh completely sabotaged the good progress you were making before.

ElspethFlashman Haha, I very much doubt most co sleepers are regularly shagging in the toilet. I co sleep with mine and we cuddle on the sofa when the kids are asleep so sex is there. We don't have sex in the middle of the day behind the garden tree

Livia just seen your post, I saw the implication regarding me being the op lol, I am just a normal mum, young nana, and apparently a sock puppeteer!!! I have been a lurker for some time ...reading with interest and sometimes horror at the comments on various threads, I was so angry though at how the op was being treated that I actually signed up just to give her some support,

Ohh thank you iris40

She certainly shouldn't be sleeping with her sister.
She should be in her own bed.
Is your OH trying to avoid intimacy with you?