To think that an 18 month old should sleep on her own???

[M2R2]

DH think she is still too small and he prefer to sleep next to her every night than to see her crying.
She is sharing a bed with us. Even if i put her to sleep in her bed she would wake up middle of the night and come to us.
I am tiered and fed up

You do need to get her out of your bed so you get sleep at the end of pregnancy,and to make space for the new baby. We moved our toddler into her own bed at a similar age for the same reason. I'd previously liked co sleeping, but becoming pregnant meant that I couldn't bear it and I desperately needed uninterrupted sleep.

However like your dh I wouldn't want to leave her crying. Fortunately our child slept through in her own room when we moved her. If not dh would have gone and slept in her room as a temporary measure.

The new baby arriving will prob mean that she regresses and seeks more comfort temporarily. I'd definitely move her out of your room now as you don't want to be sharing a bed with her and new baby, and you want her established in her new bedroom before baby arrives so she doesn't feel pushed out.

However I wouldn't get too fixed on your husband not sleeping in with her. As a temporary bridging comfort that might be v useful. It won't be forever. Our child slept through from her first night in her own room at a similar age, but when new baby was born she was waking up during the night with bad dreams. On the surface she was v happy with new baby, but it's a huge change for then and can make them feel insecure. It was great that my husband went to sleep in her room as she had comfort, it built their relationship and it left me free to concentrate on newborn overnight. I would have felt very cruel leaving her crying with the upheavel of a new baby.

After six weeks or so my husband came back to our bed and she slept well again. If she does have a bad dream or something she asks if one of us will sleep with her and I think that's a positive thing, to give her that comfort whilst she is young.

I also found she slept better when we put her in a toddler sleeping bag with legs, as she had been kicking her duvet off. We bought one from Slumbersac and it definitely improved her sleep as she feels all cosy and warm.

I do think the op is getting a hard time. She is SIX MONTHS PREGNANT people. Despite being an avid co sleeper, by six months I was desperate for uninterrupted sleep.

So the op is jealous and resentful because she doesn't want to co sleep? Not everyone wants to co sleep. It doesnt make her jealous and resentful op you're right. If you try and get her out of your bed when the baby comes it might make her jealous of the baby. I have absolutely no idea why you're being picked on about the use of the word train. The terms sleep train and potty train are widely used. Some people are just weird about petty shit.

Awaiting accusations of sock puppetry.

I'm with the OP on this. In 3 months there will be a new baby and a toddler in the bed. And the toddler will certainly be less inclined to leave if she thinks the baby is the reason.
If OP want to make a change it needs to be now.
I would suggest a special trip to the shop for a "big girl bed". Make a big fuss, let her choose bedding etc..
Then leave DH to work out how to keep her there.
If he is so concerned then let him get up to settle her. If he thinks she needs his presence, fine, let him curl up in the toddler bed with her. Or sleep on a mattress in her room for a bit.
And let his pregnant wife and 9 year old daughter sleep undisturbed in their own beds.
I hate when men have really specific parenting ideals and expect women to make the sacrifices for them.

Hi OP I also have an 18mo so I know the hassles of sleeping with them, however I don't let her into our bed, I put blankets down in her room and sleep in the floor, roughly once a month she wakes and wants me and we end up sleep together but in her room, she knows I am there if needs me and so does feel the need for it every night. I don't do crying it out as she just winds herself up.
I have also banned television as she seems to be better behaved and sleeps better without it.
I'm not an advocate of any parenting style I'm just doing what works for us.
Good luck and congratulations on pregnancy

DS was in his own room at 4 months. Monitor on.

You know it really doesn't matter if other people on this thread co-sleep and love it, have 2/4/7 year olds in the bed. Have sex everywhere but the bloody bed! The OP is 6 months pregnant and doesn't want a toddler in her bed, it's her bed and her toddler. Just because you don't co-sleep and love every kick/cuddle bullshit doesn't make you a better or worse parent, it doesn't mean you respond to your baby more or less than someone else. It's not your child so let's just get over it. Op can u put your dh and toddler in a room together and you claim your bed back? She is 18 months old. Children don't get to dictate where their pregnant mothers get to sleep or not sleep as is the case here.

Is it a 2 or 3 bedroom house? Is there a third bedroom that dd2 could sleep in with dh for a bit?

Is your bedroom big enough for a super king bed?

I get that you need your sleep but it seems like dh is willing to do the night time parenting but on his terms. At 6 months pregnant how much energy would you have over the next 3 months to train her or would you be asking dh to do it?

How will that work tho? Mum not happy co sleeping dad wanting to co sleep, if things change to make mum happy, dad won't be so do they change again?

I think 'pregnant' mum trumps 'soft' dad in this instance. It certainly would in my house. I don't think it's fair to change a grown adults sleeping situation ie pushing op put of her bed when she doesn't want to. If he wants to co-sleep then he should do it somewhere else.

Iris Pps are trying to be oh-so-clever by implying that you are the OP under a different name

I don't agree that OP gets to dictate that her DH can't co-sleep with his 18 months DD and has to let her cry instead.
Your DH is doing the night parenting, take it as a positive and get some rest for upcoming storm baby.

This thread is bloody ridiculous

OP, there is nothing wrong with wanting your 18 month old toddler to sleep in her own room. There is nothing jealous or resentful about that, ignore the preachers on here who think you should be co sleeping until your DD decides she doesn't want to. You're about to have another baby so the sleep issues need to be resolved before then, otherwise everyone is going to be sleep deprived and miserable. Co sleeping is no longer working, and that's fine.

You said your DD is sharing a room with her DS, is there any way you can get a cot for her rather than a bed? The bed might feel big and exposed which is why she can't settle. My 22 month toddler hates the bed but loves his cot and a sleeping bag. If the cot isn't possible is there something you can do to make her feel more secure? Sides on the bed or something? There are sleeping bags you can get which have legs in them.

I'd start by getting DH to sleep on the floor in DDs room until she's happy to be left, it will happen eventually and as long as she isn't distressed it will be the best thing for her.

Then have a think about what you want your night times to look like once the baby arrives. Clearly, if DD has been moved out then starting to co sleep with the baby doesn't seem very fair and is likely to make DD refuse her bed, it's going to be tough on her anyway. And if you do co sleep with the baby then you are probably going to end up in the same situation 18 months down the line.

FWIW mine were both in a Moses basket in my room until 5 months, when they'd outgrown the basket they went into cots in their own rooms. When they woke in the night we went to them, avoided taking them out of their rooms where possible and they weren't distressed by this. They've both slept well since birth anyway. Now my eldest gets out of bed on a morning and comes in with us which is lovely but no one gets back to sleep. There is no way I'd let him in my bed overnight, we'd all have rubbish sleep and that would affect the next day.

Some people are suggesting that it's ok for husband to get up and sort out the 18 months old when baby comes. If they could sort the 18 month old now then it means she might have some support when it comes to getting up with the baby. Why should she have to do all the wake ups with the baby because the husband doesn't want to deal proactively with the 18 month old now?

How is op jealous? How ridiculous. It's uncomfortable having a child in your bed full stop. And what I mean by this is wear is starts.. you will have her in till she's god knows how old because she can! Trust me I have a six year old that gets into my bed by habit because I didn't say no in the start. I'm not making that mistake with my 20 month old..
And as for sock puppeting really?

Cant believe how many people are willing to let a toddler decide where each parent sleeps! Way to make your toddlers into precious little kings & queens. Good luck with that in the future.

Op is pregnant, she needs her bed back. Dh needs to be supportive in getting dd back in her own room before baby arrives. If he cant be supportive he needs to sleep elsewhere. Every time dd gets out of bed, she needs to be escorted back to her own bed.

YANBU. I could never sleep with my babies in the bed. Both were in their own room at 4 months. I didn't realise this was considered odd or unreasonable. Nobody I know well has done co-sleeping.

Eatthechocolate how do you figure that the only alternative is to cry it out? He can go sleep with the baby somewhere else.

Where not bloody wear.

And what I mean by this is wear is starts.. you will have her in till she's god knows how old because she can! Trust me I have a six year old that gets into my bed by habit because I didn't say no in the start. I'm not making that mistake with my 20 month old

Trust you? Because your experience is the same as everyone else's? Because yours still co sleeps at 6, everyone's will?
For balance... DD1 co slept until 18 months. She's 3 now and never comes in with us.
DD2 slept in her own bed (Moses basket/cot etc) from day 1, never ever came in my bed. She's now 20 months and the past week, the only way I've been able to settle her is to bring her in with me as she's suffering from some separation anxiety.
Hey, whaddya know? All children are different.
However... back to the OP. I actually think you're right OP. Much better to try and deal with it now than when you have a newborn. My DD1 slept awfully when DD2 was born and it nearly broke me. Yes DH dealt with it but our house wasn't big enough that it didn't wake me up too, so as soon as I got DD2 back to sleep then DD1 would wake me up.

MN is so ridiculous about co sleeping.

All "well mine slept with me till they were 35 and they were FINE ACTUALLY"

And the OP never said she was going to do controlled crying. As if theres no other types of sleep training, FFS!

OP needs to have a proper row with her DH about this. Fuck that.

YANBU.

Surely, if your DH feels so strongly about co-sleeping, he should set up a sleeping arrangement with her in her room and leave you to rest in your space?

OP needs to have a proper row with her DH about this. Fuck that.

No one ever seems to say a father should have a proper row with his pro co-sleeping wife about this kind of thing.

Soupdragon, the father would never be 6 months pregnant.

I wouldn't dream of putting my 18 month old to bed on her own, and she's my third. My eldest was still in with us (cot on one side of our bed) aged 2.4 when middle one came along (bedside cot on other side). They were both in their own room around 3, IIRC - the middle one might have been 2. Mine have always needed that closeness and all bf at night well into their second year. Other babies (and they are really still babies at this age) are different and sleep better alone from a certain point. So I do think it's ridiculous to state a blanket 'oh, an xx month/year old is too old to be sleeping in with their parents' rule and imply anyone who does differently is spoiling their child, rod for their own back etc.

So I do have sympathy with the dh here. I'd suggest that if the OP wants the child not to be in her bed, she is the one who needs to make it work, pregnancy or not. But tbh I'd do what we did and put her in a cotbed on one side of your bed now and have the baby on the other. There is the real risk that she may feel pushed out by the new baby, which would be a terrible way to start the sibling relationship. I do believe these things set the tone - tandem feeding really smoothed the relationship between my two eldest from the start, and they've only really started intermittently not getting on in recent months (now aged 11 and 9).