Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think that an 18 month old should sleep on her own???

119 replies

M2R2 · 01/04/2017 23:31

DH think she is still too small and he prefer to sleep next to her every night than to see her crying.
She is sharing a bed with us. Even if i put her to sleep in her bed she would wake up middle of the night and come to us.
I am tiered and fed up

OP posts:

MommaGee · 02/04/2017 00:15

You and DH really need to talk. Why is she more spoiled than older sister and what happens when there's a new baby in 3 months? Presumably baby will be in with you and baby is going to be waking up the toddler? Personally I think she need's to be in her own bed in the room with her older sister by then

LovingLola · 02/04/2017 00:18

She is 18 months. Her older sister is 9 years!

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:18

It drives me crazy to think that i will have the new baby and she is still sharing.
She only wake up at night to make sure she is next to us. Or one of us at least.
It feels so weird not sleeping in same room as DH. To be honest it annoys me to feel that he doesn't seam to mind 😞

OP posts:

LovingLola · 02/04/2017 00:19

Well then you need to talk to him about that. Don't be blaming your baby for that.

ScarletSienna · 02/04/2017 00:22

Again-what you say about how you feel is easily comparable to how she does. You feel 'weird' not sleeping in the same room as your DH and so does she. You are able to rationalise this however. She cannot.

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:23

Mammagee that was supposed to be the idea of her sharing with her sister.
She is not more spoiled than her sister I remember he was the same with dd1 at this age he loves the baby 0/3. but clearly he think in 3 months she will be older and will understand that she need to sleep in the second room. The way i see it that it will be harder for her to see that she have to sleep in the other room because there is another baby. The second option will be for DH sleeping in the girls room while i sleep with baby in my room for God know how long.
Yes lovinglola you got this right.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 02/04/2017 00:25

If you are unhappy about this you need to talk to him and try and get her in her own bed could you buy her a big girl bed do your dds share aroom?

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:27

Scar i sure understand that. But she need to learn that mommy and daddy have their room and kids have their own.
Or do you think its normal for parents to be in separate rooms so they can share with kids until they are happy to let go??

OP posts:

lyricaldancer · 02/04/2017 00:27

Dd1 was about 6 months when i trained her to sleep in her cot. I would be in the room but she will sleep in her own in about 10 minutes. When she was 1 she had her own room stayed in her cot and was sleeping all night with no problem.when i trained her he was working nights i think

Training a 6 month old Your other child is still very young too. However if you're against co sleeping, as seems obvious, then you'll have to find a compromise.

ScarletSienna · 02/04/2017 00:28

Well you're much older and don't accept for yourself what you're asking of your 18 month old. It may work well like this-your DH can do the wake ups etc with your 18 month old and you can with the baby.

LagunaBubbles · 02/04/2017 00:29

Scarlet, I know, when I said eventually I meant by 1 year old, couldn't have a toddler in bed with me!

ScarletSienna · 02/04/2017 00:30

I think you're massively overestimating the ability of an18 month old to rationalise and understand!

lyricaldancer · 02/04/2017 00:33

Co sleepers I know of still have 9 year old sleeping in the bed, but less frequently. Ideally ending co sleeping should be at the child's instigation and be a natural process.

You don't sound like that sort of thing is for you, however. The co sleeping etc

MommaGee · 02/04/2017 00:33

She is not more spoiled than her sister I remember he was the same with dd1 at this age he loves the baby 0/3. hair enough I didn't mean to be rude just you said how attached he is and how he can't say no but clearly is an age thing.

In 3 months time if she's kicked out for baby she'll resent baby. Needs sorting sooner rather than later even I'd that means Daddy sleeping on the floor of their room for a bit.

Surprised how many people think OP should sleep in D's bed for as long as it takes for DD to decide she's ready to sleep in her own bed

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:33

Mrsjay thats what i did they have the bigger bed in the bigger room. She was happy about it at the beginning then had flue for about a week and DH felt she need to be with us and thats how she didn't want to go back to sleeping with her sister.
I did speak to him. But he doesn't seam to understand where i am coming from. He doesn't mind sharing the bed even though he complains in the morning that he didn't sleep much. He doesn't mind me or him sleeping in the other room and he think she will be ok in few months. But if we don't train her to accept it I don't think she will be ok for a long time. It will be a lot harder when the baby is here.

OP posts:

5moreminutes · 02/04/2017 00:37

Kids are different though - I could share a bed with both dc1 & 2 when travelling, and indeed did - we all slept soundly. DC3 slept on my head though - nobody can sleep with an average sized18 month old on their head... If moved off my head he climbed back on or woke fully and wouldn't resettle, if physically held next to me he'd twist my ear or nose as a self soothing thing - but my ear or nose, not his own. I couldn't sleep through that even when (as back then was often the case) I'd only had about 4 hours sleep in 48 hours - the sleep deprivation was mood changing and rage inducing and I had to make him sleep alone eventually, though it took me til he was 2.5...

If it had been DH he'd been sharing with and I'd had another bed to get 8 hours in I'd have taken that if she was happy, but people are different, nobody's wrong for not having identical emotional responses...

Not all toddlers settle down next to their parents in a compatible with sleep way, they are all different.

My pesky head sleeper is a 1meter 20cm nearly 6 year old now and when over tired still goes into a state of extreme wiggling, squirming, kicking unrest in which tries to crawl under my skin and play with my nose and ear, and put his entire other arm up my sleeve til I can get him to bed, as if he thinks somehow crawling inside my cranium will be the only way he can rest... Whilst his siblings will nod off on sofas or rugs or chairs, or get a second wind and stay awake, if kept up too late... Kids are weird...

Just because yours snuggle down cutely for cuddly sleep and let you drift back off doesn't mean they all do...

lyricaldancer · 02/04/2017 00:37

I didn't see you were pregnant, it wasn't in the OP.

But if we don't train her to accept it I don't think she will be ok for a long time.

I do wish you'd stop talking of training her, she's not a bloody dog

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:43

Yes i am against coo-sleeping as I simply can't sleep with a baby in my bed.
It is called training a baby to sleep, and there is potty training as far as i know thats how it's called. That doesn't mean i am referring to my dd as a dog
When you start a new job you get some training don't you???

OP posts:

catkind · 02/04/2017 00:45

We did one parent in with each kid when DD was newborn, it worked really well for us because DS didn't feel he'd been pushed out by the baby or baby was getting something he wasn't. I'd much rather share a room with a child than with DH though, he snores

So I don't think there's any should about it except that you should have a proper discussion with your DH and agree what your plan is, both now and when new baby is born.

She's still very little, if you do decide to keep her in her own room please be gentle about it. She's doing a natural thing coming to you, it's not bad behaviour. Why not get DH to give her a cuddle and tuck her back in and pat her back till she's asleep again or something. Then she's in her own bed so you're happy and she's not crying so he's happy.

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 00:46

5moreminuts i feel your pain. Although she doesn't sleep on my head anymore she keep pushing until i am sleeping on the edge, kicking my tummy, so double the fun kicking come from inside and outside.

OP posts:

MommaGee · 02/04/2017 00:55

5more sorry bit that did make me chuckle. Oh he does love you so

lyricaldancer · 02/04/2017 00:56

'Training' a 6 month old to sleep, and now your 18 month old, is quite different to training an adult for a job. Sleep training, and controlled crying, is not something I agree with...at all

You say your dh doesn't want her to cry, and is spoiling her.

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 01:18

Not agreeing with it doesn't make it a term to use on a dog only

OP posts:

Original poster

M2R2 · 02/04/2017 01:22

My 6 month old was fine with it in 3 nights as I mentioned before. Plus i am not saying that i leave them crying till they fall asleep.
Dd1 was in a cot so I stayed in the room and put her back to sleep every time she was trying to sit up. For dd2 she is getting out of the room and i am taking her back kissing her and telling her its time to sleep.

OP posts:

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 02/04/2017 01:22

No!! My 20 month old is in a cot in our. Room due to space reasons otherwise she would be in s different room! This is where it all starts you know.. she needs to be in her own bed.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread