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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not rude?

144 replies

Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 09:48

Would you consider the phrase"have you got the hump today?" to be rude?

Context - business meeting, someone senior from other organisation being very rude, not listening, interrupting aggressively pushing an idea, having a go at junior member of team, then starts having a go at my organisation saying we don't do anything. (We provide thousands of pounds of support and man hours to his organisation that is a charity). He is normally quite jovial but is bossy. I was getting so annoyed by him my options were to end the meeting or cut him dead somehow. I said the hump comment because I believed he had a sense of humour. Clearly not! I recognise it's not the most professional thing to say but when someone is being incessantly aggressive towards you I don't think it is the worst I could have said? Whilst he presents as being friendly/ jokey he is also very "boys club" and my boss has now told me off about this. Can't help feeling he just didn't like a woman telling him to back off and am v pissed off that I have been called over it. AIBU?

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 01/04/2017 11:19

I agree with Bluntness here. There is supposed to be a mutual benefit for your organisations here. It appears that he is not happy with how the partnership is going and your response has just been to say there's no problem and you're doing him a favour. I'm not surprised he had 'the hump' if he was trying to raise an issue and being fobbed off. Asking if he had the hump was incredibly unprofessional.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2017 11:27

I hate when someone says about having the hump. It's demeaning to a child and is rude to peers even in a social setting. You made a joke at his expense and it's just the same as laughing at a child for sulking.

That said, it had the desired effect of shutting him up and putting him in his place. Hopefully this will have allowed him to think about his behaviour. As you are thinking about yours.

Next time, take a break and speak to the person privately as suggested upthread.

Stripeymug · 01/04/2017 11:27

I would have been polite and smiley, riles them massively. Then asked him to advise what he wants changing and you would advise at what cost to your current programs this change would be. The detail current programmes and what has been delivered by your company.

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/04/2017 11:27

AIBU?

Yes you are

No I'm not!

Seriously why do people start threads if they don't want to hear the answer.

HmmOkay · 01/04/2017 11:31

Your manager has questioned your professionalism. Rightly.

You encountered a tricky situation, tried a few techniques to keep things on track and then handled it poorly in the end because of your building frustration. It happens to most people at one time or another. Honestly. But you have to recognise it as an area in which you can improve that's all.

You could do with a bit more training in assertiveness and conflict resolution so this doesn't happen again. That's a good thing, it will keep things running smoothly in future. It will also help you in your career. It is an overall positive for you, not a negative.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/04/2017 11:36

I know men like that. Can give it but can't take it...boy's club all the way!

I say well done OP. Ride it out. He would.

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 01/04/2017 11:40

Another pointless AIBU where OP posts a question but really they only are looking for people to agree with them, not actual answers to the question.

Yep.

"Got the hump" is a horrible expression and not appropriate even to a colleague, let alone someone from another organisation.

I hope the OP is just trying to save face here and actually is hoping to handle things more professionally in the future.

Megatherium · 01/04/2017 11:44

He obviously was in a bad mood for some reason. I find it difficult to understand how you thought that question was going to turn things around instantly when he'd been behaving badly for an hour. The question is, as people have said, would you have said the same to an important client in similar circumstances?

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 11:47

@ThreeLeggedHaggis really? You think it's horrible? Why? I am genuinely intrigued as to me it's not that bad.
I actually wanted to say fuck off you arrogant wanker which clearly would be horrible. But the hump? Pretty tame to me so Im interested why it is so bad?

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 01/04/2017 11:47

I think I'd have gone with something like 'Is everything alright today Kevin? Ony these meetings are usually pretty amicable and productive, while today'.....

Obviously only use this if his name is Kevin Wink

ThreeLeggedHaggis · 01/04/2017 11:49

It's a horrible expression. Mummyoflittledragon explained how I feel about it; patronising and demeaning:

I hate when someone says about having the hump. It's demeaning to a child and is rude to peers even in a social setting. You made a joke at his expense and it's just the same as laughing at a child for sulking.

imnottoofussed · 01/04/2017 11:49

Sorry if I missed the explanation but how did your boss know? Did the charity person grass you up? I think yabu in this scenario and now you'll have to repair the relationship going forward now the other party has complained about you.

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 11:52

@imnottoofussed from
Now on he will be known as kev!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 11:53

@imnottoofussed I told my boss everything straight away. She was fine with what I said until he complained!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/04/2017 11:54

I am obviously tactful in my explanation but I will not be bullied by anyone, whether that's a work setting or otherwise

That's a very left field response. There is no suggestion anyone should permit themselves to be bullied. What is being said is there is better and more professional ways to handle Conflict or dispute that diffuse the situation and not fuel it. None of those ways are asking someone if they have the hump or telling them they are behaving rudely in the middle of the meeting.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2017 11:58

Did you see ThreeLegged's response as to why they think the expression is horrible?

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 12:01

@Mummyoflittledragon yes, don't really get it, there are a million worse things I can think of that would offend me much more. In case you missed it he had been incessantly rude and aggressive for some time. Clearly my response was not the smartest as it didn't work but I don't think it's "horrible" certainly compared to the treatment I had been subject to.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/04/2017 12:03

I actually wanted to say fuck off you arrogant wanker which clearly would be horrible. But the hump? Pretty tame to me so Im interested why it is so bad?

Seriously? You genuinely don't understand? You may not be cut out for interacting in a business environment if uou don't. The first would have got you fired, if uou had told him to fuck off. Asking him if he has the hump, is unproffesional at best, and it's rude. Just as rude as asking if he'd showered that day, or brushed his teeth indicating he smelled bad or had halitosis mid meeting. In a proffesional relationship, particularly in front of peers , you maintain a polite distance.

If your managing director was at a meeting and behaving badly would you have said it to him? If the answer to that is no, then you know full well why it wasn't ok.

Megatherium · 01/04/2017 12:08

Once more: would you have said that to an important client?

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 12:10

@Bluntness100 yes I am fine with a business environment thanks for your concern, survived 15 years so far with excellent results, I'm just stating that I have inner thoughts that I would love to say but obviously didn't.

OP posts:
ThreeLeggedHaggis · 01/04/2017 12:10

yes, don't really get it

It's clear from this thread that there's an awful lot you don't get about professional behaviour.

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 12:11

@Megatherium no I probably wouldn't say it to a client. Again he's not a client. If anything we are his client. I'm not saying that makes it right either way.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 01/04/2017 12:16

We all do op. I remember actually visualising myself giving someone the finger and telling them to fuck off in the middle of a meeting. Of course I did no such thing. I totally get it.

But I think uou want to be told that as this guy was behaving badly and you were all doing them a favour anyway you were justified in your own bad behaviour because uou refrained from doing worse. That his behaviour negates yours. That's not how it works.

And now you're pretending you don't understand why it would be perceived as rude to say this to him because you want to be told you were right. The only person your pretty much agreeing with is the one who has said they would do similar and tell the person they are rude.

Is it really that hard to accept it was rude and there is better ways to handle a difficult person in a work environment?

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2017 12:17

@Megatherium no I probably wouldn't say it to a client

So you do get it totally. You just felt these people deserved less respect from you as they are a charity,

Nice.

Original poster
Lulabell1979 · 01/04/2017 12:29

@Bluntness100 no it's not I don't expect anyone to be rude and aggressive towards me, however when I am trying to help them regardless of who they are yes it goads me.

OP posts:
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