To think this is not rude?

[Lulabell1979]

Would you consider the phrase"have you got the hump today?" to be rude?

Context - business meeting, someone senior from other organisation being very rude, not listening, interrupting aggressively pushing an idea, having a go at junior member of team, then starts having a go at my organisation saying we don't do anything. (We provide thousands of pounds of support and man hours to his organisation that is a charity). He is normally quite jovial but is bossy. I was getting so annoyed by him my options were to end the meeting or cut him dead somehow. I said the hump comment because I believed he had a sense of humour. Clearly not! I recognise it's not the most professional thing to say but when someone is being incessantly aggressive towards you I don't think it is the worst I could have said? Whilst he presents as being friendly/ jokey he is also very "boys club" and my boss has now told me off about this. Can't help feeling he just didn't like a woman telling him to back off and am v pissed off that I have been called over it. AIBU?

Lulabell1979:

That is why it is a test. Would you have said it if he was a client?

It was unprofessional.
You don't mention if "it worked" either,as you don't say his reaction to the comment or how the meeting proceeded forwards.

Yes it is rude - like saying "ooh someone's a bit grumpy today". You should have asked for specific examples of what he was complaining about ('you don't do anything' is ridiculously vague) and what he would like your organisation to do instead. Otherwise you could have just drawn the meeting to a close. However, that's all easy to say in hindsight

I agree. Very rude. The only people I would say that to is close family and friends. For a client I perhaps would have said something like 'I'm sorry you're not happy with the work were doing for you at the moment. Why don't we both take a break from this and have a think, and you can come back to me next week with any thoughts and suggestions you might have on how we can turn things around for you'.

@Bluntness100 I can't go into more detail here other than to say they get an incredible amount from us, I was instrumental in setting the partnership up and yes I do feel they are ungrateful. Not towards me personally but to the company who could easily pull the plug on it. If someone was giving my organisation the amounts involved I'd be a little more courteous.

Very rude. You need to apologise and learn how to speak to people respectfully.

Okay, he's not a client. But I still think it would have been better to politely close the meeting and turn it around so that he's the one who has to come up with solutions.

Obviously we weren't there and he does sound like an arse, so I sympathise.

Yes-I think that was rude and very unprofessional.

But you have no idea why he was behaving like that - he could be under a huge amount of strain either professionally or personally. No of course he shouldn't have behaved like that in the meeting but you asked whether what you said was rude and it was.

@RainbowPastel did you miss the bit where he was aggressive, rude towards a junior member of staff etc?

I'm clearly in the minority here but I still feel
It was justified in the context.

No he didn't like it, he then sat and folded his arms like a petulant child muttering to himself. I closed the meeting.

If it was rude so be it, i can think of a lot worse. I don't wish to be bullied by a middle aged man who thinks because he is in a position of power he can talk to people how he likes.

Op, but I assume your company gets a benefit from doing this work and that's why it was approved, not least from either a publicity perspective or whatever. They will be doing it for a mutually beneficial reason. You are acting like you are doing them a personal favour and I think that possibly that's the wrong way to approach it and hence why you may not be managing the situation quite well. I'm not sure why you expect the staff to be personally grateful.

My organisation supports charities with different types of work, however our staff are always courteous and polite, and at no stage do we perceive it as of less value or that they should be demonstrating gratitude to us. We see it as worthwhile from a charitable perspective as well as doing our jobs. If a member of staff was rude, irrelevant of the personality type of the individuals from the charity and wanted the charity to display gratitude we would have to think long and hard about whether we allowed that individual to continue to interact with them as well as look at coaching in terms of their personal interaction skills

Why did you ask the question if you're just going to ignore all the answers you don't like? Another pointless AIBU where OP posts a question but really they only are looking for people to agree with them, not actual answers to the question.

It's probably not the most professional way to handle it. Equally you shouldn't be expected to sit and 'take' his venom.

I'd have probably said something like: "okay, I can see we're having a bit of a mismatch in your expectations vs. our output. Let's talk through that piece by piece" and encourage him to explain his issues one by one.

This would give you the opportunity to disprove (or accept) his issues individually and at the same time as making it clear that you were listening (or rather 'hearing') his discontent. In the process of explaining his issues he may well have realised how unreasonable they were.

@MeadowHay genuinely interested on range of perceptions doesn't mean I have to agree!

It was rude, but he was ruder. I'd have a good think about some tactics for dealing with his shit behaviour again and then discuss them with your manager for their opinion. You'll be prepared with better skills next time.

And Fwiw if you feel like tweets the dynamic was affected by him being a bit sexist then it may well have been - sadly you may have to find a softer way of managing this not-client to encompass his shit attitude.

But. If you get this again and these new, more professional tactics don't work, have a conversation about pulling the plug with your boss and if you do, be sure to explain exactly why to the charity.

But him being rude doesn't give you carte blanche to rude back!

YABU.

Of course it's easy for me to say that while I sit in my pjs not being accused of doing a bad job.

I'm clearly in the minority here but I still feel it was justified in the context.

Then why do you need to ask if you were unreasonable?

@NotTheBelleoftheBall I wish I could have thought of something that articulate but in the heat of the moment sadly not!

I did see that but I still think you should have spoken professionally. I haven't worked in business for years and came across some extremely cantankerous people. It can take every ounce of self restraint to be courteous but that is how you should behave.

Another pointless AIBU where OP posts a question but really they only are looking for people to agree with them, not actual answers to the question.

Yep. Sometimes at work, even when you're dealing with an arsehole, you have to take the moral high ground and remain firm but polite. Even if he did have 'the hump' surely you recognise that saying that would hardly have made him reflect on his rudeness and apologise to you all?!

It's. That's something that should have been said in a professional context! His attitude was wrong you weren't wrong to raise it but you should have worded it differently! 'Please don't speak to my colleagues that way', 'we don't seem to be getting anywhere today shall we stop for now' or any number ways.

@PoorYorick cos I have been pulled up
On it but genuinely interested in others opinions and I may get something useful
Out of it for next time!

It would have been professional to ask him to dial it down a bit or you would need to end the meeting, or ask whether there might be a more suitable time to meet when he had some specific issues he wanted to raise.

@MargoChanning I genuinely believed he would respond better to the comment, he appears to have a sense of humour and often makes jokey comments at others, I didn't say it aggressively I said it with a smile. I got it wrong I now. Seems he can dish it out but not take it.