To expect a phone call/text before visiting me in hospital?

[sweetheart87]

I had my little girl by C. Section on Wednesday morning. We decided to not have visitors on Wednesday and to allow grandparents visit on Thursday. My mum and my husbands mum visited yesterday and stayed for a little while but my dad was working and couldn't make it.
Now the AIBU bit is my mum told me my dad was working most of the weekend and they would try visit again at some point so I said that's no problem but can you let me know if you're visiting as only 2 people are allowed visit at a time and also I really want to get breastfeeding established properly before going home so I won't be having visitors during feeding as I'm not comfortable feeding in front of people yet. Tonight I was in my cubicle topless feeding skin to skin and my dad walks in. I'm really upset and I had to stop feeding and then felt very uncomfortable for the entire visit. Im upset as he never sent a text to say he was visiting or planned to visit just arrived up. It's not the it's time this has been done a while back I was admitted in hospital overnight with severe vomitting in early pregnancy and my parents just arrived up without so much as a text to or phone call.

I would have been overjoyed to have ANY visitors when I spent 14 days in hospital . Having recently moved , I'd left friends ,workmates and family many hundreds of miles away and I was so lonely that I stuck my head in a book at visiting times and pretended I didn't care

Go home OP, you'll feel much more human and less vulnerable in your familiar settings.
Congratulations 😀🐣

YANBU. I totally get where you're coming from. Just like Testingtesting said, you gave your mum some instructions and they were ignored. Obviously you're knackered and in recovery, and they should realise they need to look after your needs. If your Dad had texted, you wouldn't have said "no don't come" it would just have meant you could be ready and relaxed...and not caught unawares breastfeeding.

However, it's happened now so put it behind you. Perhaps you could make a joke out of it with your parents "I never got a text so dad walked in when I was topless- I felt a bit awkward actually" so maybe they'll get the message.

Congratulations by the way, and hope you have a good recovery and get breast feeding sorted.

My dad died when I was a child, he never met any of his grandchildren. I would love him to have met my children. It might be a bit annoying but I think you should count your blessings.

Tonight I was in my cubicle topless feeding skin to skin and my dad walks in

I would hate my Dad to walk in on this, no 'hello' from the other side of the curtain or anything. Topless feeding a new baby is really bad form to walk in on unannounced.

I get why they didn't text ahead, but to walk behind the curtain without somehow announcing yourself is really off - as the curtains are quite obviously pulled for privacy and you were semi naked

granny that's really unhelpful. It's very sad that you lost your dad, but it doesn't automatically mean everyone else's dad gets a free pass on bad behaviour just because they're still alive.

God I hate those posts. My dad has died too but people are still allowed to moan about something their dad does. People are starving in Africa but we're allowed to moan about being skint. Some people are disabled but we're allowed to moan about feeling unwell. Etc....

Semaphorically, how is the dad behaving badly? He visited at visiting time, a hospital isn't a private space so you don't need permission to be there. He wasn't shouting or being abusive, he wanted to see his daughter. Yes she might have felt awkward but she only had to ask him to give her a minute. People are so precious.

Granny would you walk into someone's bedroom without knocking or letting yourself known you were there? No one is saying he shouldn't visit, just not barge through the curtains when she could have been naked (she was half naked). For all he knew she might not have been mobile and could have been doing a poo on a bedpan. Is that acceptable?

congratulations 💖😊

very in the middle with this one, should cut your father some slack, he's excited to meet his grandchild! surely an unannounced visit is much better than no visit at all!

however, I do understand with friends and family that are not immediate it's polite to at least let you know that they are going to be showing up, but not everyone will do that as everyone will just be excited to see you and new baby!

I won't try and stop people coming in at certain times when I'm still in the hospital after giving birth, but when I'm at home and adjusting to life with my first born I will definently expect some sort of prior warning or people just won't be getting in 😂

My dad's dead too, but OP's dad shouldn't have walked into her private space without knocking.

granny there are five pages of thread explaining why what he did isn't acceptable to some people. I'm not going to go over it again for you.

Semaphorically, and some people will always find something to be offended by. I bet the OP would be on here moaning about lack of family support if the GPs didn't visit. You can't win.

LineysRun, maybe he did knock on the curtain, she probably didn't hear.

Yab a bit U. He wanted to see his new grandchild. You don't need to be topless for establishing breastfeeding. Most new mum's wear nighties with button openings for the purpose of breastfeeding.

Tisme there's lots of things you don't need to do but the OP decided not to wear a top.

I don't get why it's so much of a bad thing that after major surgery she wanted a bit of notice and wanted some warning that someone was coming through closed curtains.

I wouldn't really expect pepole to text before coming, but nobody should come and open your curtain without checking it's ok so yanbu about that.

Another one of those threads that seems like a bad idea to even start, to me.

OP feels bad about something, starts a thread to vent or validate feelings, and gets told she's unreasonable by a large number of people. And ends up feeling much worse.

You're not being unreasonable to feel the way you do - you made a simple request, and then you felt awkward and embarrassed, and it spoilt the visit.

Likewise though, if that were me and it was my Dad visiting on the arrival of a new grandchild for him, I'd just quickly cover up, and be happy to see him. So I can see both sides.

OP.

TisMe - full skin-on-skin is a well-known way of bonding with a newborn and getting breastfeeding established.

LineysRun, maybe he did knock on the curtain, she probably didn't hear.

He wasn't shouting or being abusive, he wanted to see his daughter.

Yes, clearly. But when visiting someone who's just given birth a sound principle is that your wants come a very distant second to those of the person you're visiting.

OP Enjoy your newborn. You are entitled to feel how you feel but don't let it spoil the occasion, let it go. I'm sure your Dad meant well.