To think Young Carers should NOT exist and wonder why we are accepting this?

[OopsDearyMe]

I was thinking about my own situation and after seeing the comic relief story about the young carers group. It got me thinking, Why is no one in uproar that children are doing the jobs of social care workers.

If you are elderly and need help, you receive a care package and a carer assigned to you, who visits the home and helps take care of you, yes ? As it should be!

Then why if you become disabled at a younger age, do you not get the same?

Children who work, do so under strict guidelines, if you made your child do the things young carers do, as an able bodied person, you would be seeing social services pretty soon..

So why are we and the government ignoring the fact that thousands of children are doing the jobs an adult carer should be doing?

AIBU to think this is all wrong!

I am not saying the money should not have gone to the charities helping young carers , as I know they do a really important job. But I would prefer the money paid for a carer for the adult, thus preventing any child from becoming a carer in the first place.

NB: I Understand that currently we haven't got enough carers for the elderly let alone anyone else, which is why this happens, But surely this is because the government isn't being pushed to make changes. People seem to say"Oh how sad" and move on..

I'm sure you would rather it brick

But need say you need a poo at 10:30 and your carer isn't coming until 12. Do you sit there with an unwiped bum ?

No of course you don't.

Care can never ever be what people need it to be.

I seriously think that expecting a child to proved care (especially personal care) to a parent is tantamount to child abuse or neglect.

I don't get it.
We are so careful in all other areas, and yet,
we live in a country where it's acceptable for mere children to be sole carers (and all that that entails) for their parents?
Really?

Why is this allowed to happen?
It's Draconian.

I would love to hear a Social worker's views on it.

provide not proved.

I work with young carers, so watching with interest.

PPs who mentioned the need for greater school support are 100% correct - almost all the young carers I've worked with have said that their lives could be greatly improved by better understanding and support from school.

Not all young carers are providing physical or intimate care, such as lifting, washing, dressing. Many provide emotional support, manage financial tasks, household jobs, including shopping or picking up prescriptions.

Even with the best care and welfare system in place, we would not eliminate young people's caring responsibilities as there are multiple, complex reasons why a young person might be caring.

But need say you need a poo at 10:30 and your carer isn't coming until 12. Do you sit there with an unwiped bum ?

If it saves my child from having to sort it out, then yes, I would be a typical, caring parent, I would put my child's needs first before my own needs. I would wait.

Its what you do, as a parent.
You put your child first.

It's not putting your child first to be stuck on the loo for two hours!

Totally agree that children should not be carers. If they have a disablity, their children should not be doing anything more than other children their age do.
My best friend at school was a carer to her mum. Her mum became disabled as a result of a brain tumour when she was already a single mum. And there was no DLA or PIP then, so they could not even pay for a cleaner.
And I agree that it doesn't matter how much you want a child, unless you can care for them and give them a decent childhood, you shouldn't have them. I know a woman who has paraplegia who has had a kid, but her partner and other family members did lots for the kid. The child was not physically a carer ever. So I am not saying disabled people should not have kids. But there has to be someone there who will do the work, and that should not be the child.

""I object more to the fact that no one questions whether young carers should exist !""

I did my SW training many years ago and it was heavily debated, then as part of "when can Care border on becoming control".

Should we force Adults to accept Care? What do we do if they won't? What do we do if the family want to manage what is happening, themselves?

When Home Social Care was in its infancy (as we know it), people didn't want the State interference, strangers in their business etc.

Life has moved on, education has become more important etc, but do we want to be told how our households should be ran, what our roles should be?

We accept children being interpreters for their Parents/Grandparents, how far do we take it?

Take it too far and that would create fear. Which means that people, the children, stop being honest about their needs.

I agree that children shouldn't do the level of care that they are, but I don't think you could put an end to all Care by youngsters, without becoming opresive.

Agreed TheQueen

I believe my childhood friend was mainly responsible for those such practicalities, and possibly responsible for giving her mum her pills.

I'm piecing things together here, but I think maybe her mum was severely depressed.

I'm really at a loss to understand why it's not more of a priority to stop children being left in these situations?

Like, if a non-ill parent was not able to meet the basic needs of their children, surely they would be taken into care? Or is it lack of reporting that keeps their situation hidden? Plus maybe a loyalty to their parent preventing them for asking for help for fear of being taken away from the parent? It's so very sad :(

Many parents feel horrendous guilt that their children are caring.

Also, we need to be extremely careful about suggesting caring is tantamount to abuse. It is, in most cases, certainly NOT abuse, and wrongly labelling it as such can only harm people.

It all boils down to the OP's question:

Young Carers should not Exist.

Lets face it. As a responsible loving parent, none of us would wish that on our children?

Children shouldn't have to care for their parents.
It's wrong.

I'm really at a loss to understand why it's not more of a priority to stop children being left in these situations?

Money.

I felt so sorry for that one young girl who cried when she said she had to care for her mum, I thought who is caring for you? Her mum as clearly very ill and it is a huge burden to put on a child.

But it's not that simple, brick

Many provide emotional support, manage financial tasks, household jobs, including shopping or picking up prescriptions.

No children should not be doing this. Maybe a little bit of shopping, but just the odd bit of chores, not shouldering responsibility for it. And certainly not providing emotional support.

By the way I have a chronic illness and when I have been very ill have sat at home waiting for my partner to help me with basic tasks. I do know what it is like.

I admit I am ignorant so find it hard to comment.

However I did watch the comic relief section on the young carer who was the same age of my Ds.

I found it quite shocking the difference in the young girl, making her mum a cup of tea and giving her , her medication compared to our school morning where I constantly repeat myself, remind him to move his bum and repeat instructions over and over. The girl seemed older well beyond her years.

We accept children being interpreters for their Parents/Grandparents, how far do we take it?

Depends what they are interpreting. I have heard horrendous stories where children have been put in terrible situations in what they are being asked to interpret. No I don't think that is okay.

Also, we need to be extremely careful about suggesting caring is tantamount to abuse. It is, in most cases, certainly NOT abuse, and wrongly labelling it as such can only harm people.

I beg to differ.
You only get one childhood.
If your childhood is taken up with caring for a parent, instead of doing things which children should be doing, such as playing, having fun and having adults taking care of them then that is abuse.
Or if you don't like the word abuse, maybe neglect is a better word.

Children should be allowed to be Children.
They are not carers and shouldn't be expected to be carers.

I absolutely agree. I watched a programme a while ago about young carers and they seemed to celebrate the fact that this youngster got up at an unearthly hour got their mother dressed, made her breakfast, got younger siblings up and ready. I thought it was certainly not a cause for celebration that this young person had to do this and then thought it must just be me. It was total exploitation.

Can't believe I've never done this but have just googled the girl I posted about...

This is the article about her, it's such a harrowing read :(

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1549221/Overdose-death-of-girl-left-to-care-for-mother.html

I was told be SS when my DD1 was 9 that I did not need carers as she could empty my commode, she could put a meal in the microwave and she could put a wash on and hoover.

I had badly broken my ankle in three places. They were unstable fractures and I was not even allowed to bum shuffle up the stairs. Luckily I had friends who were able to step in for the very worst!

I then went to hospital to be operated on and demanded requested to see a social worker. I told them I would not go home until we have the necessary support. I got a half hour care morning and evening.

There are many children who are looking after parents who need long term care.

My DD2 is among them. I have recently become disabled, eligible for PIP, no less. She does a fair bit when DP is not here, but I have a DP who does a lot. DD is 11. She already knew how to make a cup of tea, use the microwave and make toast, because she wanted to learn. We have not got to the stage where she needs to deal with my bodily waste and we will not. Some people do not have that choice though!

It is a disgrace in a so called civilized society that it happens!

Is there any definitive definition of young carers? My dc have a disabled parent and I would not class them in any way as young carers. They do the odd chore. Having said that, when their df has been chronically ill they helped out fetching things, sitting with him etc. I'm wondering where the threshold begins?

People do have care packages but just like a lot of older people are looked after by their children more than outside agencies, the same goes for kids in families where the parents have additional needs.

Yes, it's appalling that it's falling to the children to do, but unless someone wants to dig deep and find some money to properly fund social care, it will continue to happen.

That's a horrendous story but do you not think it was more to do with her mum dying than caring for her?

In other words I'm not convinced adult carers administering the morphine would have made life any easier. Losing your mum as a teenage girl is one of the worst things statistically you will undergo. Poor thing.

Agree Brickit and Vivienne

Maybe it's a throwback to the old fashioned notion that children are miniature adults and can and should share the burdens of family life.

It's just wrong, surely we should be moving forward, given all we know about child development and capabilities? How can they be expected to cope, in any capacity, with feeling and being responsible for the health of an adult?