To think Young Carers should NOT exist and wonder why we are accepting this?

[OopsDearyMe]

I was thinking about my own situation and after seeing the comic relief story about the young carers group. It got me thinking, Why is no one in uproar that children are doing the jobs of social care workers.

If you are elderly and need help, you receive a care package and a carer assigned to you, who visits the home and helps take care of you, yes ? As it should be!

Then why if you become disabled at a younger age, do you not get the same?

Children who work, do so under strict guidelines, if you made your child do the things young carers do, as an able bodied person, you would be seeing social services pretty soon..

So why are we and the government ignoring the fact that thousands of children are doing the jobs an adult carer should be doing?

AIBU to think this is all wrong!

I am not saying the money should not have gone to the charities helping young carers , as I know they do a really important job. But I would prefer the money paid for a carer for the adult, thus preventing any child from becoming a carer in the first place.

NB: I Understand that currently we haven't got enough carers for the elderly let alone anyone else, which is why this happens, But surely this is because the government isn't being pushed to make changes. People seem to say"Oh how sad" and move on..

A young person should not be expected to be the main carer for their parent.

No child should have to wipe their parent's ass, sort their feet out, help them getting dressed etc.

Children should be allowed to be children.

I would want to be put out of my misery rather than expect my child to care for me.

I'm sure I will be shot down in flames, but I'm a strong believer that children should have childhoods.

It's the least we can do for them.

Elderly people get 3 or 4 visits a day that they mostly pay for. The rest of the time they are on their own - their spouse, neighbour, adult children help out. Or they sit on their own, often in their own excrement until the next care visit. They aren't exactly having a fun time.

If a young adult is disabled and get 3-4 social care visits a day who helps them out? Yes, their spouse or children.

Even if their child does diddly squat to help, and the disabled parent has 24/7 adult help, the experience of a child whose mum is bedbound due to disability and has never been able to make them a sandwich is going to be completely different to one with an able bodied parent.

So Young Carers is always going to exist and it has nothing to do with Social Services not supporting the needs of these children.

Triskele - well that's bordering on eugenics really isn't it?

If they DIDN'T have children who would help them? Presumably the state would have to provide carers, so why can't that still happen? Or should the people you meet at work not have been born too?

Thing is triks* I don't need to tell you how strong the desire to have a child is.

I wouldn't deny anybody that. I couldn't.

A carer in the home, at least allows the child to feel as though the parent has other help, they can go to school knowing its OK, mum has Mrs so and so coming in to see her at 10am for example, it would take some pressure off.

When I first had my accident, I was given for a few weeks a mothers help for four hours a day, it was so valuable, the children could see that mum was being taken care off and they could talk to her about how they felt about my condition.
I understand what was said about family being better than a stranger, but you can build up a relationship with carers that you cannot have with family.

I agree.

There are different types of caring, and obviously a lot of the time young carers are not doing the same thing that paid carers would do. I was never very aware of this issue until a few years ago when one of my students, who was previously very excited at the prospect of going to a top uni, had to drop out suddenly in Year 12 in order to take care of her mother and siblings. She's no longer classed as a YC as she's in her early 20s, but she's still the main carer in the house, and the last time I spoke to her she was still "mourning" the life she had previously expected to have.

Being a Young Carer is about so much more than just performing a caring role. Children with a disabled parent or sibling often don't get to switch off like other children. Even if they provide no physical care themselves a Young Carer sits in school with the knowledge someone at home may be struggling. They can be reluctant/unable to socialise seperate to their family and can become isolated from others as a result of these feelings. Many feel the weight of a caring responsibility even when none falls to them.
Young Carers (as an organisation) can help to provide children who have a disabled relative the chance to be around others in a similar position, they provide physical and mental support where needed and liaise with school to educate others.

YANBU I'm an ex MH carer.

I also have bipolar I usually end up hospitalised once or twice a year. My DD's are looked after by family during bad periods. I dont want their childhood (especially DD1 11) revolving around my illness.

I understand physically disabilities are different and can't comment as I have no experience.

I also agree OP. I have met many amazing young carers in the course of my work. I think it's scandalous, actually, that our society accepts it.

I understand they love their parents and want to help, but quite frankly, they shouldn't be allowed.

Making the odd cup of tea, lacing up shoes for siblings, helping Cary stuff from room to room = fine
Doing loads of washing and ironing, making dinner, bathing youngsters, getting them to school on time = not fine and really pretty cruel.

I don't think the answer is putting kids into care. I think the answer is this government acknowledging that our care system is so hideously underfunded that it was broken a long time ago. If an adult needs a full-time, live-in carer funded by the state then that is what the should get. And if parents don't 'want' a live in carer because they don't Iike strangers in their house and instead they're happy for their children to have adult responsibilities at the age of eight then they should be ashamed of themselves.

Ideally you would build a relationship with carers but it tends to be a job with fast turnover as to be honest even paid carers get royally shat on.

If a young adult is disabled and get 3-4 social care visits a day who helps them out? Yes, their spouse or children

But surely with most parents, their default setting would be to not want their child to devote their childhood to caring for them?

Most parents want better for their children.
Why would you want to stifle your child's life/

It's wrong.
And I'm sure parents in this situation know that it's wrong.

Children shouldn't be carers for their parents.

Bugger. It took me so long to type my point had been raised!

I think I agree with the ops point. She is saying there should be far more support available for people with illness and disability so their children don't have to shoulder too much responsibility? Of course there should.

I'm not denying the urge to have kids is strong but if it were me I wouldn't do it.

Especially not having seen what I have.

I'm not even saying they have kids to be their carers it's just lack of thought. Still it does upset me because those poor kids...

And the ones being supported by the carer groups are the ones known about. There's so many more slipping through the net - largely because the parents cover it up for fear of losing the kids!

Hulder - what you are talking about is the impact of the disability on the child and that's not what I am, I am talking about a child who is physically caring for an adult and taking the emotional stress and responsibility on their shoulders to get jobs done.

Also its the fact that there is a safety net, whatever the state of it, in place for the elderly. This is NOT the case for the parents of young carers.

And I'm definitely not saying people shouldn't be born because they have been and they're here - but often living a shitty life that a parent shouldn't want for their kid but they chose to have the kid and inflict the life upon!

i say it every time a fundriasing show is on it really upsets me theye shouldnt have to do this they didnt ask for it

Haven't read all of the replies, but YADNBU.

When I was growing up, I had a best friend I was very close to. We never played at her house though. We moved (not very far) away, and gradually lost touch as we got on with secondary school, etc.

My older sister still had friends who lived on our old estate and had friend who new my old best friend, and apparently (despite having an older brother, I think), she was heavily responsible for looking after her mother.

A few years after I lost touch with her, she killed herself by overdosing on her mother's medication. She would have been 13/14.

A small bright side of this tragedy was that it through young carers into the spotlight more. I can't imagine the burden on a most likely already vulnerable young person than having the emotional and practical turmoil of caring for a parent with no support. How on earth was no one aware that this little girl was carrying such a heavy burden? I was too genuinely shocked that children and parents can fall through this gap and be failed so badly.

I don't understand the parents that expect it of their children.
that's what I can't get my head around.

I get that under this current system there is no alternative, but I still can't get my head around the number of adults who don't seem to 'mind' that their children have to care for them (sometimes very personal care such as dressing and bathing)

It's a well, they love me I'm sure they don't mind situation.
the children themselves are eventually brainwashed into thinking that it's something they should be doing.

It's all fucked up. Children should be children. Not carers.

There should be NO CHILD CARERS.

Lots of people do not want carers coming into their home so tend to muddle through as best they can.
I guess if people get disability benefits then they can use some of that money to pay for a cleaner/ carer etc although it probably won't buy many hours care a week.

For me it depends on the level of care the child has to give to the parent, if it's just helping around the house. E.g. washing dishes, cleaning, helping with cooking then fine.

But to carry out tasks like washing or wiping their parents bum then no. In those circumstances there should be an adult carer, childhood is such a short and precious time.

A child should be allowed to enjoy their childhoods without the responsibility of caring for their parent. My partner had to take on the role of "Dad" when his Mum walked out and his Dad had a breakdown. He had to raise his younger brother, keep the house and also care for his Dad. And listening to how hard that was for him makes me think that a child (or a young teenager) shouldn't have that burden.

I think I agree with the ops point. She is saying there should be far more support available for people with illness and disability so their children don't have to shoulder too much responsibility? Of course there should.

This.
Absolutely.
Children should NOT be carers.

It's Child Abuse really.

Lots of people do not want carers coming into their home so tend to muddle through as best they can.

As a parent, I would rather put a stranger through wiping my ass/dressing me/cooking for me (sorry to be crude) than my own child.

I would want to spare my child that.
I didn't have children for them to look after me.

Anyone can have a carer come and look after them if needed but they have to pay for it. The elderly has to pay for their care some of the expenses the council takes care of. Its not cheap and the majority of people who need care pay most of the bill.

Most young carers at our local group are the children of adults who have addiction / MH issues or have siblings who have disabilities so miss out on experiences. I think this is pretty much the norm........young carers doing actual 'physical care ' is pretty unusual.