Tight or Aibu?

[dailydance]

I'm with my boyf about 7 months. During this time he hasn't paid for a night out / meal. Maybe a few times he has got an extra round in. I have paid for a meal for him early on, expecting that it would be one of those, he'll pay for the next one and I'll get another meal so that it balances out but still feels like a treat. Turns out that I was wrong, we split each bill.

He asked me if I wanted to go to a gig with him soon and told me how much the ticket is so I can give home the money. It's less than £40 so not expensive. Before anyone asks, I'm late 30s, he's early 40s and neither of us are particularly strapped for cash. I have quite a bit less than he does however. For Xmas & birthday gifts he has either cooked dinner and got a couple of other things (can't say as v outing, maybe cost a tenner at most). I've spent about 100 on each of his.

I'm getting the feeling that he's pretty tight, but I am probably being unreasonable too and sound v ungrateful. It would just be so lovely to be made feel a bit special, even with just the odd meal or the ticket. Am I being unreasonable?? I'm half tempted to tell him I don't want to go to the gig (but I actually do want to go so would be cutting my nose off to spite my face)

Yes, he's very thrifty bordering on mean.

Being tight is one of the most unattractive traits in anyone. Ditch.

Nothing wrong with splitting everything equally, and it sounds like this is what's happened apart from that early meal. Cut down on gift spending if you want it to be equal? He might just not be into extravagance. He sounds careful rather than mean.

Just sounds like you both have different approaches. Neither is wrong though.

Does it really matter if you alternate paying or split bills? Surely overall you spend about the same anyway?

Does he have a lot of pricey, or at the very least worth more than a tenner, things himself?

Does he buy more expensive presents for friends or family members?

Is he just one of these people who doesn't do much in the way of birthday gifts?

Either way, I can definitely see why you're upset. It's nice to be made a fuss of now and then. Yet, to bring up the question "why don't you buy me anything?" doesn't give off the best vibe!

But the gig tickets - are you going to be paying for both of you? And he's the one who's brought it up assuming you'd pay for him? Yeah, not OK. YANBU!

I'd rather split everything (am a tightwad myself though!). Though I do appreciate the occasional treat and will treat others if I feel they couldn't pay themselves.
If it's the only thing bothering you about him then it doesn't sound like a deal breaker. He's just tight. Don't marry him if it bothers you though!

Am betting the tickets are £20 and he is stitching you up for both!
Start nit picking about paying half for EVERYTHING - can of pop, dvd, every single thing. . Till he realises how stupid and tight he is!!

whats wrong with splitting the bill?? your older and have your own money so why should he be expected to buy you things. Just because your in a relationship doesnt mean he has to. For the first four years of my relationship we never bought anything for each other for birthday/christmas, too many bills to pay. It didnt matter one bit and I couldnt of cared less as long as we spent the time together. Maybe he is strapped for cash and just doesnt tell you. You havent been together long. But if you want more gifts find a richer guy and dont make him out to be tight because he doesnt buy you things you want.
So yes YABU

Blimey, I read that last post in one long rant.

I can't bear tight people, such an unattractive trait. The meanness usually spills over into other parts of their character as well. I think if it's annoying you now at this early stage it's only going to get worse.

I think at 7 months with neither my of you strapped for cash this would get a bit old and tiring. It does sound a bit tight I know exactly what you mean to be "treated" to a night feels lovely even if you know you will pay them back next time by picking up the bill.

Some men are awful with presents but they should at least ask for suggestions if they are stumped.

Yep.. he doesn't go big on anyone's birthday. I always do. I guess we are just very different in this respect. Hmm... I like buying people I care about things and little bits & pieces. Ok so, thinking out loud here- I guess my options are to buy less or don't change and suck it up. Yes, he spends a lot of money on himself.

This isn't going to change. It will irritate you more and more. If he wasn't spending on himself, then that would be different. As it is...

He spends alot of money on himself? But it's OK to be tight with you? God no, that's so self absorbed and mean spirited. I couldnt be with someone like that

Oh the spending money on himself confirms he is tight for me rather than thrifty.

'I guess my options are to buy less sador don't change and suck it up. Yes, he spends a lot of money on himself.'

You do realise you don't owe him anything and you are perfectly free to dump him if you don't feel compatible or for any other reason. I wouldn't hesitate to bin him. I'm just not the nickle-and-dime-tit-for-tat 50/50 100% of the time type of person and wouldn't want to go out with someone like that long-term.

DH has a friend like this. He's nice enough, but well, he's single and childfree in his 40s.

He does sound a bit tight. Even with friends we take it in turns to treat each other rather than splitting bills. My dh and I have the exact same attitude to money - we like to spend it on ourselves and each other. We'll never be rich but we never clash because we spend in the same way. I can't stand tightness and at the very least, your boyf sounds a bit stingy - maybe chat with him? He might have a reason for doing it that you don't know about (a secret debt he's paying off or maybe he's saving for something special?).

No no, i could not put up with that. I would ditch him.

If he spends lots on himself then he's just a tight arse. It would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I love buying things for people I care about and loathe mean people, especially when they have money.

You also say he has quite a bit more money than you, usually the one who has more, pays more.

Ditch him.

He's tight with you and others, but happy to splurge on himself.

You will resent him if you stay with him.

He won't change.

Id buy him something tiny for the next gift. Smaller than he would spend. Perhaps some biscuits you've made yourself rather than anything bought. See what he says.

I actually disagree here. You've only been going out for 7 months. Why should he pay for you? As for spending money on himself, he earned it, so why the fuck shouldn't he? It's his money!

I think YABU and sound like a bit of a princess. But then again, I like to pay my own way and not feel indebted to anyone.

Dump him, what a stinge

You don't have to suck anything up or change how you behave. He's tight. And selfish. Just dump. 'This isn't working for me anymore. I need to be with someone I'm more compatible with.' The end.

I don't know if it's a dumpable offence for me. I'm pretty laid back in general so I honestly wasn't sure if he is tight or if I'm being a cow. Probably both. I don't want him to buy me things, but do want to be treated, so then I can treat him back (without feeling like a mug) and then it comes out in the wash. Right now nobody is getting treated and it sucks a bit.