For being annoyed at BIL for catching HIV?

[ragz134]

Or is it "victim blaming"?
BIL got into a relationship last year, he knew the guy was HIV+ before they started a sexual relationship. We said at the time it shouldn't put him off the guy, as long as they stay "safe" then it would be very difficult to catch. He gets regular STI checks and so has found out last week that he's caught HIV. He's admitted they weren't being careful... DH (his twin) and I had a feeling this would happen as BIL doesn't seem to take anything seriously!
AIBU to be really annoyed at his irresponsible behaviour? He already had HepC from sharing needles years ago just got the all clear on that last year. He lives with in-laws (he's nearly 40) and doesn't work (gets disability benefit for addiction and HepC?!) apart from running a business from home but rarely does any work for it so has months of work built up.
MIL (who is already pissed off with him for ignoring his customers and not working) has just been diagnosed with aggressive BC so we can't tell her, it will have to be kept secret for a while.
I know it's not actually any of my business, I shouldn't spend my energy being pissed off at him and it won't affect my life at all I don't suppose... But I am still annoyed. IABU and judgemental aren't I?

You said the virus continues to cause damage after it is cleared.

That is wholly incorrect.

And the main cause of liver transplants is alcohol abuse.

I didn't. I said it can still cause problems after treatment. Treatment doesn't always work. It didn't for my ex. His specialist told us hep C is the biggest cause of liver transplants.

I think I'd be annoyed with him too for being so wilfully careless. It's not victim blaming really, because he's not really a victim - he played Russian roulette with it, and he lost - more of a gambler than a victim.

Sorry re. your MIL though. :(

Birds your information is incorrect, outdated and utterly unhelpful. People may have had false negative results in the past but with new generation tests taken within the correct timeframe an HIV- result is an HIV- result.

Birdsgottaf1y
Testing for HIV is so good now that 95% of people will get a reliable result at day 28.
A small percentage of people take a little longer.
99.9% of people will test either positive or negative at 3 months.
I just want the correct up to date information on this thread for any lurkers.

x posts with Imamouseduh !

The damage it has already done can still cause problems - and yes I am well aware treatment is no guarantee of clearing it having spent many years debating if it was worth it and then taking the gamble of 6 months of gruelling treatment - but thanks for the info 👍

YABU

My BIL is HIV positive, contracted it from his partner, he knowingly took the risks but that's his decision and I'm not to judge him for it.

He's been HIV+ for years, he's in a new partnership now and lives a perfectly normal life.

Crowdblundering
Perhaps you'll think twice before dismissing someone else's post as utter bollocks in future.

It was bollocks -

Surferjet yes that was what I thought, that tests show it pretty quickly.

DH spoke to BIL about it yesterday and his partner is very upset about it, more so than BIL is. DH actually said to BIL "I feel like you caught this on purpose" (they are twins and are always brutally honest!) and BIL just laughed. So yeah, not really taking it seriously...

He was very lucky that the second HepC treatment worked for him before the virus did too much damage, but he isn't particularly healthy. I've no idea what the statistics are for current treatments for HIV, does anyone know a good website yo read up on it all? Will treatment make him I'll like chemo does?

ill not I'll. Sorry.

For factual information try the Terrance Higgins trust and ibase websites. Lots of different treatment options and his specialists will find the right treatment for him.

Yes to terrance Higgins for reliable information. Modern treatments have virtually no side effects anymore. If he does have an adverse reaction his Drs will just try him on a different treatment until they find one that suits. He will be monitored closely for the rest of his life to keep an eye on his liver and kidney function. In fact he will be so closely monitored that HIV+ men are now almost expected to live longer than HIV- men as all unrelated medical issues are picked up and treated so early.