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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... for those who are devastated about Brexit, how are you dealing with the fear and depression and anxiety?

775 replies

testytesting · 29/03/2017 09:58

Has anyone got any strategies? I am genuinely not one for melodrama, but I am devastated, angry, terrified, depressed, and I feel so utterly helpless. Nothing in my lifetime has made me feel like this, and I just can't imagine feeling like this for the next two years and beyond. I can hardly bear to listen to the news, but I feel compelled to anyway. How are other remainers dealing with this, what are your coping strategies? And what, if anything, can we DO?

OP posts:
GertyTheGert · 01/04/2017 01:35

Sleepfreezone I basically agree with you - and with the comment it won't be the worst thing that one will have to deal with in life. And with the cosseted comment. The way to deal with it is : experts are not always right. At school we were taught the old adage where well before cars were invented, an expert predicted in the year blah blah blah we'd be up to our chins in horse manure because of the number of horse-drawn carriages on all the roads and we'd all die in the mire, because there was nowhere for it to go. Brexit - we now need to hope for the best and perhaps we'll find some good from it maybe, hopefully, possibly. Its the only way to be really......There's tons worse in the world than Brexit...........

Breadwidow · 01/04/2017 06:49

Livelovehappy: she may be able to steer brexit to get us a quite bad deal rather tan an awful deal, but fact is whatever she does it will be a worse deal for the U.K. Than being a member of the EU. I don't want to 'make the best of it' or 'get the best deal possible'. I want us to stay in the EU

startrek90 · 01/04/2017 08:45

To those saying to focus on relationships: My upset about leaving the EU is nothing to do with material things but instead with the very real uncertainty about being allowed to stay with my family. The immigration rules have been changed retrospectively and is way out of my families price range. As a result I must now look to give up my British citizenship just so I can stay with my children. To all those who say that this is upset over nothing I ask you this: How calm would you be at the potential loss of your children/home and husband? Because that is the uncertainty I am facing right now and all I have is the vain glimmer of hope that maybe the Tories will show common sense and compassion.....my hopes are not high.

I am angry and frustrated with those who seem to have voted leave with no consideration, acknowledgment or compassion for those whose families face these choices. I don't mind people disagreeing but I do think that leavers need to own the consequences. You won the vote but you didn't win the right for 17 million people to be happy about it nor for them to shut up about it.

Alfieisnoisy · 01/04/2017 09:33

I have friends who are very distressed and anxious about Brexit because they are European. They have lives here and children here and families.

Many of them do feel that they will be secure here long term and are okay. One or two are devastated though and very anxious about their future.

justgothesolution · 01/04/2017 09:50

misswatch you sound like Trump telling us that it's all going to be fine the whole time Hmm

lucydogz · 01/04/2017 10:20

Unfortunately it's behind a paywall, but Merryn Somerset Webb, in today's FT is very interesting on this, basically saying that the UK has far more pressing concerns than Brexit on it's plate.

sleepyowl12 · 01/04/2017 13:10

I voted Remain as, though the EU is not perfect, what system is, overall I think the UK benefits more from being part of it than separate. I am sad. I will also miss EU citizenship and that the generation below me will not have it.

armpitz · 01/04/2017 13:14

Can you summarise, lucy?

sleepyowl12 · 01/04/2017 13:20

@startrek90 I am very sorry.

Sostenueto · 01/04/2017 14:01

The people who voted to leave were thinking about their families too. They were fed up with employers using immigrants and exploiting them to keep wages down. How many of you earn 200 pounds a week and can survive on it bringing up a family. That is the basic wage for someone on the minimum wage. So, those who live hand to mouth should consider those that have their own houses several holidays a year and the latest gadget and have never been without anything in their life? Don't think so really.

BertrandRussell · 01/04/2017 14:16

"The white middle class western woman is among the most privileged on earth. Time they got some balls"

Then they really would be privileged!

NameChanger22 · 01/04/2017 14:24

I earn 230 pounds a week and we survive on that. We don't have many gadgets or holidays. I don't blame immigrants or the EU for my low pay. I blame the government because they are the ones that pay me and they decided that everyone I work with should live without a pay rise for 12 years. It has nothing to do with how many people come here or leave or where those people are from.

Brexit means we are giving more power and control to our government; and they do not have our best interests at heart. Brexit voters have been fooled by a right wing press (who work for the government) for many years. Remain voters understand this. Most leave voters don't.

armpitz · 01/04/2017 14:29

It would be very mean spirited to blame immigrants but I think it is possible to disagree with the immigration policy such as it was whilst recognising individuals bear no blame.

Sostenueto · 01/04/2017 15:29

I think to generalise about those that voted either way is not really helpful. It always sounds as if those that voted to leave have no brains. The difference is that when our laws are dictated by Europe we cannot vote to get rid of those that made them. Yes, I agree the Tories are rubbing their hands together now because if all the laws they can push through to suit their supporters. But we can vote at a General Election to chuck out the Tories and their laws too. We cannot do that in Europe.

lucydogz · 01/04/2017 15:32

armpitz if you follow twitter it's been posted on her feed. It's worth reading, IMO

PennyPickle · 01/04/2017 15:38

*I have friends who are very distressed and anxious about Brexit because they are European. They have lives here and children here and families.

Many of them do feel that they will be secure here long term and are okay. One or two are devastated though and very anxious about their future.*

Donald Tusk gave a speech yesterday, outlining the topics that need to be addressed re Brexit. Re immigration he stated "The 3m EU nationals who live in UK should be allowed to remain within the UK. In return the 1m Uk nationals living within EU countries should be allowed to remain".

Of course this is only in the discussion stage at the moment. Why do some of your overseas friends feel they will be allowed to remain in UK whilst others fear they will be deported? Genuine question. How come there such a divide on what they foresee will happen?

Alfieisnoisy · 01/04/2017 16:42

Tbh Penny I think it's just the way the media have handled things. One of my friends is a lawyer and she feels very secure here and says she is confident that all this will be addressed. Another friend has got very stressed about it all but I agree that this will probably be one of the first issues addressed. It doesn't make any sense to uproot European nationals living and working here in the same way it makes no sense to return all expats to the UK.
I suspect my very anxious friends may have other stuff going on as well which is making them more susceptible to the doom and gloom stuff being said.

itsmine · 01/04/2017 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshinesupermum · 01/04/2017 16:55

Alfie Not so sure I agree - a close friend has a French partner who lives here in the UK with her and their young daughter. They face a very uncertain future indeed. They don't need any other stuff to stress them out - this is more than enough.

PennyPickle · 01/04/2017 17:47

Alfie I agree with what you have said. I also have friends from overseas. None are stressed about having to be deported. In fact some have written to the Home Office and asked the question. The reply was that nobody is requested, at this time, to return to their country of birth and this is unlikely for the foreseeable future.

I am becoming worried about the continued "My friends, from EU countries, are scared that they will be deported from the UK because of Brexit". I have friends from various EU nationalities and I really wouldn't want the UK to deport them simply because they are not British born.

I have seen nothing that backs up recent posts that EU born citizens are due to be deported.

sleepyowl12 · 02/04/2017 00:12

@Sostenuto I have every sympathy for those trying to survive on £200 a week. However, EU immigration did not cause this. Our government acknowledge that immigration numbers will not change much. Also since 2000 EU immigration only accounts for a quarter of total net immigration.

Big business wish for low wages and our govt facilitates that and will not drastically lower immigration. Leaving the EU will very likely damage the UK economy for a long time. With less tax revenue life for those on low incomes will get even harder with even less State support such as tax credits which are already being lowered with the introduction of Universal Credit.

Also it is a myth the EU dictated to the UK all our laws. Firstly, many of our laws have nothing to do with the EU. Those we share with the EU are decided and voted on by all EU member states including the U.K. The UK voted for 90% of EU laws. We were not dictated to, it's a myth peddled by much of the media. No one knows exactly how UK will fare outside the EU but it's not looking good.

sleepyowl12 · 02/04/2017 00:17

Ps also the EU council who suggest legislation which is then voted for in the European Parliament is made up of members chosen by our democratically elected governments. We also vote for our European MEPs so it's hardly the case we the public don't get to vote for those making decisions in the EU.

sleepyowl12 · 02/04/2017 00:22

Pss apologies I meant European Commission not Council who suggest legislation. The Council is made up of each of the EU's member states Head of States.

Fingalswave · 02/04/2017 12:33

Great post Sleepyowl!

I am constantly gobsmacked by how often the myth "the EU is imposing all its laws on us" goes unchallenged in the media. We have had as much part in the decision-making process in the past forty years as any other Member State. And we are about to deliberately exclude ourselves from that decision-making process, significantly reducing our influence, both within the EU and around the world. It will be the opposite of "taking back control".

sleepyowl12 · 02/04/2017 14:02

Thank you @Fingalswave. I have just been reading an interview with Aaron Banks who bankrolled the Leave campaign. He's such a slippery character with strong links to the alt right (i.e far right) in America (Steve Bannon, Robert Mercer) and Russia. Russia and the alt right work together against western liberalism as they both don't like it for different reasons. Farage is on record for toasting Bannon and Mercer when article 50 letter was sent this week and thanking them for helping the Leave campaign. Of course not all people who voted for Leave share the far rights views, but they are unwittingly supporting a group of people with very unsavoury views. Aaron Banks is now spearheading a new movement which wishes to upend our existing political system. With his far right views I find it disturbing.