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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to the wedding

117 replies

519888888z · 28/03/2017 10:17

Really don't know what to to do for the best. Meant to be flying to brother's wedding tomorrow - it's in Australia with DH and children. Dd (5) has unexpectedly been taken very ill and is in hospital (with me). Not life threatening but nasty. Obviously she can't go. DH thinks we will just have to let DB down. Children all very disappointed but that's being part of a family. DB and SIL think I should go with rest of kids and leave DH to look after DD. I don't feel I can be on the other side of the world from sick child. Supposing she got worse?? I can understand how disappointed it is not to have his only family there but what can I do? He is furious but I'm hoping when wedding madness calms down (and they possibly have their own kids) they will understand.

OP posts:
PandaPolar · 28/03/2017 10:52

I wouldn't expect either of you to want to go with a child in hospital (not sure why it's acceptable to some posters to suggest your DH goes - she's his daughter too).

Hope your little one gets better soon.

wifeyhun · 28/03/2017 10:53

Nope I would not leave my sick child.

Your child is more important than your brother's wedding.

onalongsabbatical · 28/03/2017 10:55

It's not even just that she's sick, is it, but she's in hospital, poor little thing. Of course you want to stay with her, she needs her mummy and you need to be with her! Hopefully they'll understand when they have children, but right now they're caught up in their own drama of getting married and can't see beyond it. Not up to you to collude with that in these circumstances, sometimes you just have to do what you know is right and be brave enough to upset people.

dustarr73 · 28/03/2017 10:56

No I wouldn't leave my sick child.It's not like the wedding is in Ireland,you could hop on a plane.But Australia is way too far.
And your brother needs a big kick up the arse.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 28/03/2017 10:58

YANBU - call the travel insurance and get it all cancelled and your money back.

Your family obviously will be disappointed you aren't there, but they can't expect you to leave a sick child in hospital to go to a wedding. your brother is in 'wedding bubble' and hasn't thought that while this is the most important thing happening to him this year, it's not for everyone else.

Hope your little one is better soon.

Mulberry72 · 28/03/2017 11:00

Not a chance I would leave my sick child.

lorelairoryemily · 28/03/2017 11:01

I wouldn't go either op, your brother is being ridiculous putting pressure on you to go when you have a sick child, I'm sure you can go and visit sometime in the future when she's better. I hope she's okFlowers

StewieGMum · 28/03/2017 11:06

If it were a couple of hours by train which is a frequent service, I might take other kids for ceremony only. I probably wouldn't want to but might think about it. Australia would be a no. And I'd be very very unimpressed with a brother trying to push the issue.

If he were supportive, someone with a laptop could record wedding live for you so you could all watch.

DailyFaily · 28/03/2017 11:07

Of course YANBU, it's the other side of the world, it would take you hours to get back to her if she worsened, it's a complete no brainer! Hope you have insurance though? If so then you can claim your money back and go at another time when your baby is better. Your brother will just have to get over it, I'm sure everyone will be telling him he's being grossly unreasonable. Hope the little one is on the mend soon

SapphireStrange · 28/03/2017 11:12

I can't imagine a family member not understanding your need to stay at home.

But then weddings do turn people into loons.

All the best for your DD and your family. Thanks

Only1scoop · 28/03/2017 11:14

Oh bless her
This is what travel insurance is for
Cancel with a clear conscience I wouldn't go either.

MrsELM21 · 28/03/2017 11:17

2 options as I see it, nobody goes, or DH & other DC's go although I understand he may not want to.

alltouchedout · 28/03/2017 11:18

Of course yanbu. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't expect anyone to leave their sick child and travel to the other side of the world for my wedding (or anything else). It's not like you could just hop in a taxi if something changed and you needed to get back to her asap.

Jaxhog · 28/03/2017 11:19

can't your dh go with the other children?
While not ideal, this would seem to be the best solution. Do you have insurance? What are you covered to do?

LevantineHummus · 28/03/2017 11:22

What honeyroar said.

BadTasteFlump · 28/03/2017 11:22

OP has already said her DH doesn't want to leave DD because he would be worried sick- and I don't blame him.

PandaPolar · 28/03/2017 11:23

Why are people making out it's OK for the DH to leave a sick child but not the Mama. There's two parents in this...

InvisibleKittenAttack · 28/03/2017 11:25

OP has said her DH doesn't want to go. And it's not his brother, I can see he'd be even less inclined to want to leave his sick child.

You don't want to go, your child is sick in hospital. Just give yourself permission to put what's best for your family unit above what the wider extended family want.

Only1scoop · 28/03/2017 11:26

Agree OH wouldn't want to fly to the other side of the world in these circs either

manicinsomniac · 28/03/2017 11:26

Why do people think the dh going is a better solution than OP going?! It's her brother, not his. He would surely be the better choice to stay and look after the little girl. Seems odd to suggest it the other way around.

I can totally understand the whole family cancelling and would have thought anyone would understand.

I would go in your situation (as long as it's definite that your daughter will be ok and it isn't life threatening). But then I am closer to my sister than anyone in the world, including my children - which is unusual, I guess! I'd also be reluctant to let the other children miss out on a trip to Australia.

onalongsabbatical · 28/03/2017 11:28

Both parents - quite rightly - want to stay with poorly little one.
End of.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/03/2017 11:28

Your DD's need for you trumps your DB's.
It's understandable that he's disappointed but he's being incredibly selfish to try to put pressure on you about this. Could a relative intervene and tell him to back off explain to him how inappropriate he is being?
I hope your DD has a speedy recovery Flowers

Pigface1 · 28/03/2017 11:31

YANBU.

Personally, I would go in your situation - IF I was SURE that DD's illness wasn't serious or life-threatening. But that's because I adore my brother and wouldn't want the other children to miss out on a trip to Oz.

But that's me. We are all different and only you know your circumstances. I think that whatever you decide to do - cancel or go - YANBU.

Bantanddec · 28/03/2017 11:32

Yanbu, if you are in the UK that is at least a 20 hour flight depending on where is Oz you're flying too and it's fucking brutal!!

DEMum101 · 28/03/2017 11:33

My mum missed her brother's wedding because I was sick in hospital with something as a baby. It wasn't anything like as far away as Australia either and neither was I suffering from anything life threatening. Far from being angry, my uncle and his wife came over to visit my parents on their way to (or back from) their honeymoon (although I appreciate that probably wouldn't be an option for your brother).

Surely anyone would understand you can't leave a sick child, particularly not to fly to the other side of the world?