To be fed up reading this on every Mother's Day thread?

[Saxa]

"You're not

Also, actually, and I'm aware this makes me sound very old fashioned, but I really like cards. I keep them all. Birthday cards are kept until the next birthday, Mother's Day cards have all been kept. I'm not particularly good at expressing my feelings so I spend a lot time choosing cards that help me convey my appreciation for the recipient. I'm not the only one, I have a couple of friends who are really enjoying "doing cards" at the moment as well.

In your world no children would get birthday presents or cards miss

Personally i dont give a shit, seems to stop at about 14

Same here isuppose

YANBU, it's a twatty thing to say. I have kids young enough that they need DP to facilitate them getting something. They were so excited to bring me my card and gift in to me in bed. 2 year old DD then kept showing me her scribble in my card all day. I do think some people say it to justify the fact that their own partner is shit.

I didn't realise you were only referring to expectant mothers in your comment, Goggins. I thought we'd all fallen into the consumerist trap of unnecessary gifts. Most of the women who have complaints are that the day has gone unmarked because the dad can't be bothered. they're not asking for anyone to spend a fortune. They're asking for their partner to appreciate their hard work and teach his children the same appreciation.

It' s one thing for dad to help the kids, but it's different to expect a present from him. I do find it ridiculous, but if you are both happy, who cares.
The problems is that some women are completely ridiculous: throwing a tantrum because husband dares going for lunch with his mum (on Mother's Day, bastard!). Or separated mums being fuming when the kids spend the day on Mother's Day, because yes, dad should cancel a weekend with his own children for that.
Moaning because the 3 weeks old baby did not give you a Mother's Day card is a bit weird.

We all have different expectations, I don't understand why you expect a lay-in on Mother's Day - what about every other weekend? You don't show love and respect the rest of the year , do you? I would be a bit puzzled to get a card on Mother's Day from the man who lives with me. I much prefer plans to spend the weekend away together, or the weekend after if we each see our own mother that day.

I dont really see how you can really fuck up mothers day.

By "forgetting" (not giving a shit about it) and not helping dc get anything sorted, getting up late (if tradition is to be up before mun, maybe even with breakfast!)...loads of ways.

Agree with pp, no, your not his mum but he could take a minute to appreciate you're part of the reason he's a dad (same for mums on father's day) and especially when kids are small enough to need help getting to shops or gathering bits to make something. It's just being nice. One of those weird things that shouldn't be expected but when it's not done it looks/feels shitty.

Ive never had a card from dh

I expect one from my children

And yes i would be disappointed if i didnt get one

Moaning because the 3 weeks old baby did not give you a Mother's Day card is a bit weird
That made me laugh. That would be weird.

There was a debate discussing if it was reasonable or not to expect a gift before you gave birth, should fathers celebrate Mother's Day or not during pregnancy? (I am not entering that debate now )

I remember getting a mothers day card a week after dd1 was born, it was lovely. Of course dh bought it, dd1 was only just mastering 'not screaming' so it would have been a bit much to expect her to get down to Card Factory. It felt momentous with my lacerated bits to have this bit of card saying 'Best Mum Ever'.

I doubt all the people who feel unappreciated on Mother's Day are spoilt the rest of the year. Doesn't it just all come to a head when you've been working hard all year, and there's a particular occasion that people could have used to show that they care and appreciate your effort, and it goes by?

I've had jobs where I've worked way beyond my role to help out, but had a simple request turned down because they couldn't be bothered to make it work. I felt unappreciated. Surely most of the Mother's Day complaints are about the same sort of thing.

hazey that's lovely 😊 it's not that it's just pretending it's from the child, it's nice to be appreciated and acknowledged. If you'd gone nuts at not getting one it would be a bit though lol. My mum actually got me a little gift this year "for being a good mum" but I think she's missing hers and wanted to give someone something. Was very nice though.

Absinthe ah, that makes sense...(stepping away quietly to also not awaken that debate...)

I think basket is right, sounds a fair summary.

(I received a lovely piece of jewelry for the birth of each of my kids, I like bling!- and I would have been upset to get nothing then, so I am probably just as unreasonable )

A lot of women spend their lives taking care of people. I'm not just talking about SAHMs - women are often doing the childcare, care of elderly relatives, the ones thinking about friends and family in need of a bit of help or comfort, the ones listening to their friends and colleagues when they want sympathy or advice. The ones showing the new guys the ropes... it goes on.

It's a bit ungenerous to paint the women who want a tiny bit of recognition for their work to be moaning about not getting a present.

I'm sick of reading 'FFS it's a hallmark holiday' Fine if that's YOUR opinion but it's obviously NOT the opinion of the OP and it's certainly not helpful to someone who's upset!!

I think there's a difference between a spouse helping a young child choose/ make a card for his mum and maybe buy some flowers or reminding a teenager, and a spouse buying stuff when the child is too young to give a monkeys when it just becomes another present and card for the sake of it exercise.
I really don't think my ex and I did anything for mothers' fathers' day when the kids were under 2, but then it was only a card and token chosen by the child when they got older.
They're not days I've ever got that excited about. Some women do sound very princessy about it all, and I doubt their husbands would give a monkeys if the kids forgot fathers' day.

hazeyjane If that had been my DH he would have handmade me one saying

Best Mum Ever
Too Soon To Tell...

And we would have laughed our asses off!

Yes, I think it's a shitty response too, so no, IMO, YANBU.

I personally don't do gifts on Mother's Day. All I would like is a card written by my children and some flowers (even just a £1 bunch of daffs) because, well, I like flowers, and I don't get them often. But mugs and scarves and beauty sets are not for me. But I agree, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a DP helping or enabling a child to buy their mother a gift/card/flowers on Mother's Day.

Thanks everyone - this thread has just given me the kick up the arse to email DH about Mothers Day. Mine ended the second I got out of bed (I had to stay in bed and listen to DH trying to wrestle DS into writing my card out. I was presented with said card and a box of chocolates and that was it for the day.

We went food shopping, did chores... usual Sunday shit. I was hurt and upset and would have liked a coffee in bed and breakfast made (like I did for Fathers Day) and a few 'Mammy shouldn't be doing chores, it's a special day'

I've emailed DH to say I'd have liked him to have taught our son that it's nice to show appreciation for everything I do. I emailed because I'm naturally emotional and would end up crying and not getting my point across.

Good on you playmobil. Some of the posts on here are just part of the growing trend I see on here of women undervaluing themselves and their time. I'm usually reasonably chilled but I'm getting very annoyed by it.

Nice to see someone taking appropriate action about how they feel and I hope he listens.

I think I need to go spend some time in feminism chat to recover!

I've emailed DH to say I'd have liked him to have taught our son that it's nice to show appreciation for everything I do. I emailed because I'm naturally emotional and would end up crying and not getting my point across.

This made me laugh because it's nice to know there's someone else like me. Well done for getting it off your chest Playmobil.

Getting as far as having a child was such a fucking hard slog (7years of trying, fertility treatment, 2 miscarriages - one of which led to me having cancer, a year of chemotherapy, the possibility of never having kids) that I think dh just wanted me to realise that even one week in, with stitches, failed breastfeeding and all, I really was an awesome superhuman (I still am now of course!)

YANBU OP, I started a thread about MD, and got flamed by a couple of people.

I wasnt even wanting gifts or cards (as personally, for me, I feel they are a bit of waste of money) , just a nice cuppa and a bacon sarnie in bed (which my DD (17) had already offered me) , and to spend time with my DCs.
My DD blew me out by going to a sleepover party, meaning she wasnt here the next day and needed a lift home from 15 miles away. And I had to ask my DH 5 times to help my DS (10) make me a cuppa! 🙄 I wasnt angry, or devastated... just a little miffed to have no one really bother at all.
Thankfully, My daughter apologised and said she would make up for it next weekend, so I expectantly ordered some bacon and naughty white processed bread with the shopping . However yesterday she announced has decided to become a vegetarian.

Thanks RJ and Never I'm not sure how much good it will do - he's a nice bloke but is very thoughtless. I'd kind of set myself up to grit my teeth and not mention it but this thread has definitely prompted an uproar in me! No reply but he is at work...