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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To 'f' it and leave my job!! Today

38 replies

Hadenoughtoday01 · 27/03/2017 08:16

I've never quit a job before - but I have a boss who appears determined to get rid of me. I've had performance reviews etc and I'm doing my job effectively - I've been in my profession since I was 16 and now nearly 47. My boss is a decade younger than me. She wants to do things differently from me - but keeps changing the goalposts. I'm now at my wits end - I've developed eczema in the last few months - directly related to my job. I tried to leave in January but was convinced to stay. My union believe I may have a case for constructive dismissal. My GP wanted to write me off work for 2 week for stress to see if my eczema disappears. I've been told by the consultant I also need to have a break from work. The last straw was winning an appeal to work from home only for my working from home conditions to look like I'm being subjected to a performance review. As I said no issues with my work. The managers I manage have never been off sick and we meet all our deadlines with quality work. I can't go into too much detail but I want to go. Have two DC - 8 and 4 and my whole family are urging me to go - apart from DH who wants me to stay until I find another job!

OP posts:
Topuptheglass · 27/03/2017 08:19

Go off sick & look for another job whilst off?

I'm returning today after some time off - I was sick though, & am sort of dreading it.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 27/03/2017 08:20

For your health it sounds wise to pack it in. Your children are still young enough that you can explain away any gap in your cv with looking after them. Does your dh not see the stress you're under and probably that change in you as well? Good luck!

Creampastry · 27/03/2017 08:20

Go sick with stress. Enough people do it where I work for far less convincing reasons than yours. Got to think of yourself and your health.

OuchBollocks · 27/03/2017 08:21

Have you money in savings?
Are you likely to get another job soon?
How long can your family cope without your wage?
Could you not go sick or do the working from home whilst jobhunting?

gottachangethename1 · 27/03/2017 08:21

While I firmly believe that life is too short to be this unhappy in your job, I agree this should be discussed further with your union, if only to stop this nasty boss treating others in the same manner. Take some time off sick and speak to your union. Flowers for you, must be awful.

ShiroiKoibito · 27/03/2017 08:21

Go sick and job search

JakeBallardswife · 27/03/2017 08:22

Do it, you're not happy, if necessary you'll find something else fairly soon. I've just recently started a new job and the relief on changing roles is great.

helpimitchy · 27/03/2017 08:24

Go sick to give yourself some time to plan. It will also strengthen your position if you need to claim constructive dismissal.

PetalMettle · 27/03/2017 08:25

How dependent on your wage are you as a family?
How easy would it be to find another job or contract work?

EBearhug · 27/03/2017 08:27

As a general rule, I'd say find another job first, but if it's causing eczema to flare up, then maybe not. You could take the doctor signing you off, though.

How does she want to do things differently, and what are your objections to doing so? Have you tried the new methods? How do the goalposts change?

What will the financial hit be if you quit? Can you afford not to work? For a week, a month, three months, a year, forever?

What state are your CV and LinkedIn profile in? Are they up-to-date?

Be aware that even if you resign today, you might be expected to work your notice.

Witchend · 27/03/2017 08:28

Depends:
How well can you cope without your wage?
How long? 2 months? Three months?

How transferable is your skill set? How prepared are you to take a lower grade (with a pay cut)? Are people in your field recruiting or cutting back?

I would urge caution unless you are confident you can cope without a salary for a while. I know someone who was like you and resigned, thinking they'd get a job within 3 months easily. It's now 18 months down the line, they're struggling in a huge pay cut, but all they could get, and far far more stressed out than they were in their job.

Believeitornot · 27/03/2017 08:31

Gave you started looking for other jobs? How easy would it be? Looking for another job might make detach from this one and you relax slightly.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 27/03/2017 08:32

Also trying to find the courage. No advice had , as can't even advise myself, but firm believer in being happy, first and foremost. Happy doesn't pay bills though !! I would be inclined to take sick leave and look for other work - not much help I know

Original poster
Hadenoughtoday01 · 27/03/2017 08:32

Husband works full time - I also freelance in my work. In fact I was asked the other day to ask some on. We could survive. I've been to several interviews in the last few months and been offered other roles - this one pays slightly more so I've stayed. But it's doable. I'm speaking to my union in a bit!

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 27/03/2017 08:36

If you've be been offered role then go for it?!

PoorYorick · 27/03/2017 08:43

Let us know if you do. I might do the same. Sitting on the train right now and anxiety is through the roof. I hate my job.

willitbe · 27/03/2017 08:50

Go for constructive dismissal, with the support of the union. Go to gp and get signed off sick, until the eczema clears up at the very least. But find another job as soon as you can.

I had to go through constructive dismissal proceedings in the past as have two cousins of mine, each completely different circumstances, but none of us stayed with the jobs consequently. Your faith in the company systems has gone by that point I think.

When I was younger I was effectively being constructively dismissed from a job I had worked in for 8 years (they wanted to rearrange the company but did not want to pay for redundancy), at that time I ended up handing in my resignation, with no job to go to, but it worked out ok as I was so young. Being older it is better to go to another job, unless the freelancing can carry you through.

readthethread · 27/03/2017 08:51

Get signed off for a bit. Don't just resign and move into another role. take some time and have some head space.

AtHomeDadGlos · 27/03/2017 08:51

Life's too short to be unhappy. Jack it in.

MintToBe · 27/03/2017 08:57

I was told on Thursday they were cutting my hours down to 8 per week from next week.
I was tempted not to turn up today.
I would go sick if I were you and if you can afford it. It sounds awful. Sometimes it's not worth it .

Original poster
Hadenoughtoday01 · 27/03/2017 09:35

I do have a reputation within the field I work as being reliable, creative and pleasant to work with. I have freelanced successfully in the past. My youngest DC starts school in September. I'm going to see if I can get signed off.

OP posts:
helpimitchy · 27/03/2017 09:49

Getting signed off gives you the time and space to begin to see things objectively and formulate a plan. You can also begin to repair the damage that the stress has done to your body and mind.

Liiinoo · 27/03/2017 10:25

It sounds financially viable so don't delay. Make a plan and go - the sooner the better.

My biggest regret in life is that too often I stayed in jobs/roles that made me unhappy because I was too ashamed to admit 'failure' and quit. I got stuck in a mindset driven by what I 'ought' to do or 'should' do and caused myself a lot of unnecessary unhappiness.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 27/03/2017 10:47

Go off sick, find another and pack it in. It will serve your shite boss right.

Allthebestnamesareused · 27/03/2017 10:48

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES RESIGN ON THE BASIS OF CONSTRUCTIVE DISMISSAL UNTIL YOU HAVE TAKEN LEGAL ADVICE.

It is far harder to succeed in a claim for constructive dismissal than people on mumsnet will have you believe.

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