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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to buy this?

107 replies

Babypassport · 27/03/2017 07:16

DH got 2k bonus at work this month (hurrah!). At the weekend he bought me the most beautiful handbag for £600, by far my most expensive handbag and one I will probably use a lot.

He wants to spend the rest of the bonus on a Macbook, as he works in IT and is increasingly having to deal with Macbook related issues, so he would like to fiddle with one to get properly to grips with it.

It wouldn't be his main computer, he already has a very nice PC laptop, a desktop and a tablet. Also, I will be back at work from mat leave in a few months and will get my work Macbook back, so he would be able to play with that as much as he wants.

So the question is, AIBU and hypocritical to not want him to have his toy after he bought me my own toy? It just seems like a waste of money for something he will play with and then probably discard until it is obsolete, but then isn't a nice handbag just as wasteful?

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 27/03/2017 10:44

I didn't realise that when the clocks went forward they went all the way forward to 1 April!!!

Guitargirl · 27/03/2017 10:46

A pre-baby holiday? Maybe the money could also be spent on turning back time.

MirandaWest · 27/03/2017 11:08

If the OP is going back to work soon then I imagine the baby has been born already.

Was thinking more about this. If either DH or I got a work bonus (unlikely but could happen) then we'd discuss between us what should happen with the money. It depends what your financial situation is what should be done with it I think. Also is it £2,000 net or will a £2,000 bonus push him into a higher tax band for the month and mean it's worth quite a bit less?

How are your finances normally structured - separately or together? Do you see it as "his" money or "joint" money? Was it an expected bonus or not? If for instance a car needs mending then that would be a more important use of the money but if you have everything you need then it's fine to spend it all.

rookiemere · 27/03/2017 11:11

Oh sorry didn't appreciate that.

Pumpkinnose · 27/03/2017 11:16

Completely unfashionable view here by why isn't all the money going straight into a savings account? I'm making the assumption that you're not millionaires as otherwise £2k would not be worth mentioning. I just got a £5k bonus. Half went into my pension, the other half into overpaying our mortgage. Said mortgage is virtually paid off now as this is what I do with "extra" cash. Why are you both just spending it? I have kids and we are saving for their future.

Original poster
Babypassport · 27/03/2017 11:26

It's a bonus he gets every year - up to 2000 net, depending on his performance - but he works hard and deserves it.

Yes there are plenty of other things it would be more sensible to spend the money on, but it's such a pleasure to be able to splash out once a year, especially as until relatively recently we were struggling quite a lot.

It's not the fact that he wants to spend the money - he works hard and we can essentially afford it - it's just the choice of thing he wants to buy. I also said that work should provide him with a Macbook but it's not technically part of his job so they won't. Thing is that I know he'll enjoy playing with it for a few weeks then it'll get put aside in favour of his PC. I don't understand why he can't hang on until he has access to mine and save the money until he finds something a bit more enduring or useful. But like a lot of you said, a laptop is more useful than a handbag.

I know I sound totally controlling here but I wouldn't actually stop him buying it. I've told him what I think and now he can do as he pleases.

Interesting to learn that letting him on my work computer might be a problem. As there's no confidential information on it, and as most staff use their laptops for personal stuff as well, I assumed it'd be okay. I'll have to check.

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 27/03/2017 11:30

So you get £600 of the bonus he earnt on a designer handbag yet you object to your dh using the rest of his bonus on a mac book which will help him get more knowledge for work.

Of course you are being unreasonable, how could you think otherwise?

Original poster
Babypassport · 27/03/2017 11:30

pumpkinnose, what on earth are you going to do with your proper-size bonuses when you've finished paying the mortgage? You'll have nothing else worthy to do with it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to continue contemplating my pauper's bonus and being a bad parent by buying myself something Hmm

OP posts:
TedEriksen · 27/03/2017 11:38

I bought a PS4 with my overtime bonus, and am happy as a clam with my choice.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 27/03/2017 11:39

So your dh got a bonus and spent £600 on a designer handbag for you which you accept and are very happy with but you object to your dh spending the rest of his bonus on himself with a MacBook. I can't get my head around how ridiculous that is, surely it's up to him what he buys himself seen as you got the £600 bag?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to continue contemplating my pauper's bonus and being a bad parent by buying myself something hmm who said you were a bad parent?

Yabu but one would hope you already knew that

VeryButchyRestingFace · 27/03/2017 11:39

pumpkinnose, what on earth are you going to do with your proper-size bonuses when you've finished paying the mortgage? You'll have nothing else worthy to do with it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to continue contemplating my pauper's bonus and being a bad parent by buying myself something hmm

That's the spirit, OP! There's nothing like an OP who takes an almost universal YABU on the chin and accepts it with good grace without twisting the advice into something that was never said.

Or not.

Pumpkinnose · 27/03/2017 11:41

Babypassport - honest answer, school fees in a few years. The L way we can afford them without remortgaging/ not having financial insecurity is to no longer have a mortgage to pay. That's my priority. Also I was made redundant a few years ago. I got another job relatively quickly but having the financial cushion of knowing we could maintain our lifestyle for several years (and it's not an extravagant one you won't be surprised to hear Grin) meant I didn't have to worry. DH and I have a combined income well into 6 figures and we are extremely lucky and our children don't need to go without. But part of that reason is because of sensible/boring financial decisions we've made. The fact is the OP says herself now that they were struggling quite a lot and I find it strange that no one was saying why spend all this money just on stuff? And yes I do have a designer handbag but I am in a financial position where spending several hundred pounds was money I could miss.

Pumpkinnose · 27/03/2017 11:45

Apologies - poor reading here, didn't realise you were the OP Babypassport Confused I know we all have different priorities but the one thing in life I don't have to worry about is money. I know there's a lot more things which are more important than than that - there have been some horrific bereavements in my family and close friends, I just want to give my childten a future where they don't have to worry about money either. It's not something I shout about in real life. I shall get off my soapbox(which I'm well aware I'm on) now!

Amar1na · 27/03/2017 12:00

OP - I'm glad you got you're new handbag, but beyond that, I'm not really sure what you want people to say. To some, £600 is s lot of money, others regularly spend over £2,000 on a handbag or similar and will be wondering what the fuss is all about. Talk to your DH about the fact you have a limited budget and make decisions within that. Nobody can really advise you how to spend your own money.

Original poster
Babypassport · 27/03/2017 12:01

I'm sorry Pumpkinnose, I saw your post in the same spirit as some earlier posters who thought I had no business to buy a bag in the first place and reacted unfairly.

You're quite right to put money aside for your kids when you can, and yes I should be doing the same thing. I wouldn't spend if it was causing an uncertain future for my family though; school fees are all sorted, the mortgage is going well and we're insured to the hilt in case anything ever happens. Still, it's always important to pause for reflection.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babypassport · 27/03/2017 12:03

And I think I made the mistake of trying to explain myself and ended up looking defensive. I totally agree that IABU and DH should have what he wants. I never would have stopped him and this post was really only theoretical in nature.

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 27/03/2017 12:03

If he does buy a MacBook then he can sell it once he's used it for what he needs to.

My DH is in IT and likes to fiddle around with different computers. I would not want him fiddling with my work computer as he'd probably change something that made sense to him and not to me

peachgreen · 27/03/2017 12:06

If you were struggling until relatively recently I'd say it's even more important to put an annual bonus into savings. But either way, if you're getting an expensive designer handbag YABVU to not let your husband buy something for himself.

Pumpkinnose · 27/03/2017 12:08

Thanks Babypassport - it does sound like you're in a good position. As I said I do have a designer handbag which my husband bought me! I just have friends on good salaries who just spend spend spend with huge mortgages and can't understand why we are not upgrading to a larger house not that I would ever tell anyone our mortgage situation. House is perfectly large enough in v nice area!! If you're that financially secure then no reason not to spend as you see fit, though if the Mac is just a plaything that will discarded then maybe a weekend away (or another handbag Grin) might be better.

I'm actually a lawyer and would caution re him fiddling/using your work computer - there's probably a policy somewhere...!

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/03/2017 12:11

" I will be back at work from mat leave in a few months and will get my work Macbook back, so he would be able to play with that as much as he wants."
And won't your employer be thrilled at that Hmm.

I used to bring home a works laptop as part of my job, it didn't get touched except for work. The idea that your husband should 'play with it' is quite horrifying.

xStefx · 27/03/2017 12:13

Sorry OP, YABU

Original poster
Babypassport · 27/03/2017 12:23

I'll definitely ask for my work's computer policy ... more fool me, it never occurred to me to not use it as I wished. Blush

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/03/2017 12:26

600 quid for a handbag is obscene.

CountessYgritte · 27/03/2017 12:26

Let him buy the MacBook. Stop being so churlish.

Then sell it to me when he is bored of it. Except he is far more likely to get rid of the other laptop.

I love MacBooks.

OnionKnight · 27/03/2017 12:26

I'll definitely ask for my work's computer policy ... more fool me, it never occurred to me to not use it as I wished.

I'm surprised that you never realised this.

It's simple really, it doesn't belong to you. I have a work laptop that I take home when I WFH, it's not my property therefore my wife or anybody else can't use it