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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to buy this?

107 replies

Babypassport · 27/03/2017 07:16

DH got 2k bonus at work this month (hurrah!). At the weekend he bought me the most beautiful handbag for £600, by far my most expensive handbag and one I will probably use a lot.

He wants to spend the rest of the bonus on a Macbook, as he works in IT and is increasingly having to deal with Macbook related issues, so he would like to fiddle with one to get properly to grips with it.

It wouldn't be his main computer, he already has a very nice PC laptop, a desktop and a tablet. Also, I will be back at work from mat leave in a few months and will get my work Macbook back, so he would be able to play with that as much as he wants.

So the question is, AIBU and hypocritical to not want him to have his toy after he bought me my own toy? It just seems like a waste of money for something he will play with and then probably discard until it is obsolete, but then isn't a nice handbag just as wasteful?

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 27/03/2017 08:53

For him to do what he likes with it given that money isn't an issue, but given that he needs the thing for work why isn't work supplying him with one/training him on it properly?

Crumbs1 · 27/03/2017 08:55

You are being churlish. That said, I don't subscribe to his/her money in a marriage - my husband earns a lot because I supported him over the years by allowing my career to go on back burner and care for the children.

Brokenbiscuit · 27/03/2017 08:55

Yabu. If you think it's a waste of money, then the same thing applies to your handbag, and you should return it.

Topseyt · 27/03/2017 09:00

You both sound very free and easy with money.

£600 on a handbag is a colossal waste of money. Also, in my opinion Apples are overpriced computers.

That said though, he has bought you a generous gift already. It is HIS bonus and he should use it as he wishes. Yes, you are being very unreasonable and hypocritical.

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2017 09:04

A £600 handbag is the very definition of frivolous. Which doesn't mean that you shouldn't have and enjoy one, but does make you unreasonable about the Macbook. And I'm amazed your work would be ok with him fiddling with it.

Having said which bonuses are family money in our house (or would be if they existed in our line of work).

mumeeee · 27/03/2017 09:05

YABU. He bought you a very expensive handbag and a Macbook will help him gain knowledge for work.

listsandbudgets · 27/03/2017 09:07

I think you need to have the following conversation with him

"Darling - I've been thinking. I love the handbag and it was so generous of you to buy it for me but I'm worried it was too extravagant and with me still being on maternity leave it may be better to take it back and replace it with something a bit less expensive then we could go and look for a second hand mac for you. That way we'd have something to help with child care costs when I go back to work because they're going to be huge"

If you're going to ask him to compromise you have to compromise too

readthethread · 27/03/2017 09:09

if he's spending £600 for you on a handbag that you love, you clearly don't have any real need for the bonus money.

therefore let him spend it on whatever he likes. YABVU !!

diddl · 27/03/2017 09:09

As suggested, could he compromise & go second hand?

Your work Mac won't always be available to him, will it?

What is your problem/conern?

That he should "only" spend £600 on himself, that he shouldn't get a Mac at all?

AnyFucker · 27/03/2017 09:09

Ha ha ha

Lingotria · 27/03/2017 09:12

Just return your bag, and save 600. Job done. You're on mat leave and so don't really need a bag right?

PrettyGoodLife · 27/03/2017 09:12

YABVU. Stop focusing on the downside, just enjoy the bag and the happy DH.

rookiemere · 27/03/2017 09:13

In theory in our house joint spending decisions get made together. I say in theory as it doesn't always work out this way Hmm.

Personally if someone wants to spend £600 on me then I'd much rather get the choice on what I buy, so for Christmas one year as a "treat" for letting him buy a ridiculous waste of money sports car DH bought me a £500 necklace. I didn't like it particularly and wouldn't have spent that amount of money on it, so it wasn't a particular treat.

In this case though it sounds like you wanted the handbag so at least he knows your taste. Therefore as the bonus was unexpected money I suppose it's fair enough that he buys a Mac with the rest ( although the MacBook I got after complaining about necklace above is in fact rather rubbish as the internet is so slow I've gone back to using ye olde I-padde from 16th century).

WeAllHaveWings · 27/03/2017 09:16

You should have had the discussion on what the money was going to be spent on BEFORE the £600 handbag was purchased.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 27/03/2017 09:16

Sorry different view here to many others. Your DH will lose some of that bonus to tax and NI. eg £500? So the remaining £1500 he has shared almost equally between you both. Although £1500 is a lovely sum of money to have, it is not a life changing sum so life will carry on as normal. If you pay off a bit of the mortgage with it or money owed on credit cards (providing you are not in debt) you will quickly not remember that. It seems fair that he can buy what he wants with his half.

LEELULUMPKIN · 27/03/2017 09:20

YABVVU.
If the money was needed for the family/bills etc and he hadn't spent so lavishly on buying you a gift, then you might have a point. As this doesn't seem to be the case, if I was your DP and you told me how to spend the bonus that I had earned, you would be told in no uncertain terms to shove your new bag where the sun doesn't shine!

You sound like his Mother telling him what he can and can't spend his disposable income on

RhiWrites · 27/03/2017 09:23

Quite apart from other reasons you can't give your work laptop to your husband to fiddle with. What if something goes wrong and it breaks? It's not for him to test, it's for you to use for work. That's called misappropriation.

Gazelda · 27/03/2017 09:25

If i were your DH, and you suggested to me that I could play with your work mac when you return to work, then I'd be demanding you share the handbag with me.

GwenStaceyRocks · 27/03/2017 09:28

YABU. He got the bonus (presumably) because he is good at work. Buying a Macbook will help him be even better. It's not an entirely frivolous purchase. You got your shiny, small dance* item. Let him get his.

  • an item that makes you do a small dance with happiness when you see it/use it - copyright Helen Fielding
SandyY2K · 27/03/2017 09:28

YABVU.

Leave him to buy it and try to be grateful for the generous gift he got you.

chemenger · 27/03/2017 09:30

If your DH is in IT then his definition of "fiddling about with" a Mac will be breaking the rules for your work Mac, as the spouse of an IT person I keep my work laptop well away from fiddling hands. I know that his "optimizing" is my IT manager's "tampering with". Fortunately DH looks down his nose at PCs and is unlikely ever to want to "play" with one. Is the "joy" of Macs not that the underlying system is Unix and therefore the IT bees knees for fiddling?

HerOtherHalf · 27/03/2017 09:39

For me it's not about your handbag or his Mac, it's about the fair distribution of family money. I get a bonus too and when it arrives we put a third aside to spend on the house, I get a third to spend as I please and so does my wife. That seems fair and has worked well for us without issues for many years. My wife probably gets the bigger benefit as she has final say on the household purchases because she's more houseproud than me but that's cool.

Nanna50 · 27/03/2017 09:53

I laughed when I read the OP. This can not be real... to accept a £600 handbag, yet object to him buying a Mac out of his bonus, (after all it wont be his only computer as he has another very nice one). Ask him to take the handbag back and put it towards his Mac, after all it wont be your only handbag as you will have another very nice one. (or more)

YABVU and if I was your OH I would tell you to foxtrot oscar

Stormtreader · 27/03/2017 09:56

600 on a BAG? When theres perfectly nice ones for a tenth of that? What a waste!

rookiemere · 27/03/2017 10:26

I like herotherhalf's approach.

This is after all joint family money - some people work places where they don't offer bonuses and OP is on mat leave so can't get one- so why should OP be falling over herself grateful that he has deigned to buy her a handbag and wants to spend more than twice as much on himself.

Personally I feel YABU as the whole amount should go on a pre baby holiday and any other use of it is frivolous and unnecessary.