12 year old home alone in the evening?

[NotTodayBillyRay]

My 12 year old was left home alone for an hour last night from 9:30 while at his dad's because the new gf's car broke down and she needed "rescuing", I'm really not happy about it! Ds said it was more like two hours but his dad swears it was one.

AIBU to be angry???

Maybe if they had been left alone the odd time as kids they wouldn't be.

Or maybe they were left alone a lot and didn't like it? Or maybe they suffer from anxiety like many kids do. The point is everyone is different, some children are just more anxious or immature than others. I think it's a bit daft to say every single 12 year old should be absolutely fine with being left alone late at night.

If a mum posted on MN saying they were thinking of leaving threat 12 year old alone for an hour so they could pick up someone who was stranded, the responses would go as follows:

Do it!
Of course it is fine - he/she is 12, not 2.
Secondary school age, so an hour or so at night is fine.
Unless he/she has SN, I don't see why not.

Why the difference in views from so many posters here? If it is a difference in views - could just be different posters. Hmm.

1 or 2 hours alone for a 12 year old wouldn't worry me if the child was happy about it but it sounds like your DS wasn't so his dad shouldn't have left him.

My own DS is 12 and we left him to go to a school event last week. He had strict instructions not to answer the phone/door and to go to bed at 9pm. He had no problem with this, was happy to be left on his own and just spent the evening on the xbox. In the end we were back for bedtime (which he was quite disappointed about).

Generally i dont see the issue with leaving a 12 yr old at home however in your situation i wouldnt be happy.
Your ds wasnt happy about it and your ex wants to leave ds in the evening on the only night that he sees him so that he can go to the pub. Im guessing there is no talking to your ex about ds' feelings.

I don't think that the DS being a bit scared is necessarily a good enough reason to leave your gf stranded.
The child was perfectly safe, it was just a bit unfamiliar to him. Children will not come to any harm by being a bit scared on their own for a short time. It will probably help him learn that he can cope with it.
I'm not suggesting that it's ok to terrify children, it's not, but I don't believe that this child was terrified, and if he was, he probably needs some help.

The NSPCC says that under 16s should never be left alone at night.

That's overnight. Not at night. An hour from 21.30 is not overnight. And the NSPCC do not dictate what you should do. They merely provide advice for those without any common sense.

And if your son was scared by being left alone, you must have brought him up wrapped in cotton wool. He needs to grow a pair, and you need to get a grip, OP.

Most kids by the time they've reached 12 have got quite a bit of independence. They're at secondary school, usually get buses on their own, go up town, cinema etc without adult supervision. Can't see why if they do all those things, an hour in the house on their own is going to be any more dangerous for them. It's preparing them for adulthood which isn't far away.

Jeez!! Can tell who actually reads the thread by some of these replies.

Yes ds was scared, it was dark, he was at his dad's flat, there were noises from others coming and going. BUT he is fine. He would have preferred to go with his dad or to even come home but nothing happened to him so that may help his confidence.

He is a very anxious child and we are working on that (other issues that I'm not getting into).

He goes to and from school alone, he goes to town with friends, he goes to the shop alone, he is left home alone rarely as he always wants to go where we are going!

Also I'm not mad ex went to help his gf, I'd be worried if he left her on the side of the road! Just wish he had taken our son with him but it's done now.

That's it I'm done with this thread

Now where's ds's cotton wool?

He is a very anxious child and we are working on that (other issues that I'm not getting into)

So there ARE other issues you haven't told us about that are of relevance. Talk about drip feeding...

And if your son was scared by being left alone, you must have brought him up wrapped in cotton wool. He needs to grow a pair, and you need to get a grip, OP

What a delightful way to talk about a 12 year old child

Every child is different - just because your child was ok with something at 12 doesn't mean the OP's son is ok with it.

I think it's fine at 12 and she was safe at home.

Some people let their children wander the streets from a much younger age.

Sorry meant to type he.

My 12 year old spends a hour or so on his own a couple of times a week but I always give him the choice. At 9.30 pm he would always choose to come with me. Totally depends on the child. Mine is happy in daylight but wouldn't stay alone after dark.

Every child is different - just because your child was ok with something at 12 doesn't mean the OP's son is ok with it.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, a 12 year old should be able to cope on their own for a couple of hours. Perhaps you need wrapping up in cotton wool too?