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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 year old home alone in the evening?

115 replies

NotTodayBillyRay · 26/03/2017 21:36

My 12 year old was left home alone for an hour last night from 9:30 while at his dad's because the new gf's car broke down and she needed "rescuing", I'm really not happy about it! Ds said it was more like two hours but his dad swears it was one.

AIBU to be angry???

OP posts:
corythatwas · 26/03/2017 21:49

I wouldn't have a problem. But would expect 12yo to have been able to say if he preferred to come with his dad and for him to be listened to.

Original poster
NotTodayBillyRay · 26/03/2017 21:49

Wow sorry, will ask for the title to be changed

Hmm

Ok I'm over reacting. Thanks.

Enjoy your Sunday night Grin

OP posts:
shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 26/03/2017 21:50

1-2 hours alone for a 12 year old wouldn't overly worry me tbh

I assume your DS had the option of going with his Dad but opted to stay home?

ParadiseCity · 26/03/2017 21:50

I'd be totally fine with it tbh.

blueskyinmarch · 26/03/2017 21:51

Sorry i referred to your DD but it was actually your DS. My mistake.

budgiegirl · 26/03/2017 21:51

I think it's fine as long as your DS was ok with it, and if they are relatively mature.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 26/03/2017 21:52

My exh has been leaving my 3x ds home alone while he went to the pub since the oldest was 12 and youngest was 7. Rang ss lots of times and they weren't bothered.

This is why exes are just that. . Twats.

Bluntness100 · 26/03/2017 21:52

I wouldn't be happy with this no, I don't see why he couldn't take your son.

I also don't think it's ok for him to want to go to the pub for a few hours on the one night a week he sees him.

Voice0fReason · 26/03/2017 21:53

I don't understand why this is a problem.
An hour or two in the evening is really not a big deal.

DonkeyOaty · 26/03/2017 21:53

It's fine. The child gets to and from secondary school independently surely, and beetles around town without adults on weekends at age 12?

Jaynebxl · 26/03/2017 21:54

I wouldn't mind too much about the hur alone unless your dc was worried. However I'd be really annoyed about this:
He leaves ds home alone a lot which annoys me as he only sees him one night a week

Ojoj1974 · 26/03/2017 21:54

If your DD was aware I'm guessing she was awake so why didn't she go with her father? If she had been asleep I guess she wouldn't have known anything about it.
Personally I would never leave my kids alone in the evening for this type of reason as you would t know how long you would be..

beautiebyqueenie · 26/03/2017 21:58

Regardless of an hour or all day, there are still many risks. Irresponsible

Kiwiinkits · 26/03/2017 22:00

Home for an hour or two for a one off emergency? You need to get a GRIP.

KingPrawnOkay · 26/03/2017 22:01

I wouldn't be happy. If her car broke down why couldn't she call breakdown cover or a friend? Your ex should have put the kids first. 9:30pm to me isn't evening, it's night time.

Kiwiinkits · 26/03/2017 22:03

If a 12 year old can't figure out that there's a fire and he needs to call 111, or there's a flood of water coming from the overflowing bath and he needs to clean it up, or that he shouldn't climb out a two storey window or leave the stove on after cooking, then frankly you've failed as a parent to equip them with some pretty basic life skills.

I really fail to see what the risks are here.

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 22:03

beautie, would you say there are more risks at 9.30 at night than, say, at 4.30? (which would make life tricky for many families as there is very little childcare provision for secondary school age)

And would you say this is riskier than making your own way home from school, which is a kind of normal expectation on 12yos?

If it had been my ds at 12, I would not have gone out without waking him (if he was asleep) and asking him if he wanted to come or not. Being alone in a house and not knowing you are alone does strike me as risky, in case of fire.

loobylouloos · 26/03/2017 22:05

Would you leave DS alone for an hour at 3pm? 7am? if so, why not 9.30pm? What's the difference?

Did dad give him the choice and he chose to stay rather than go?

Was your DS unhappy about it?

TheFirstMrsDV · 26/03/2017 22:07

fabulous its not less safer now than it was 30 years ago.

applesareredandgreen · 26/03/2017 22:07

Don't see a problem worth leaving a 12 year old alone at that time for an hour, as long as your DS was happy with this. I have done this on occasion with my own DS and he was quite happy.

What is more of oncern to me is the idea that your DSs father is planning to leave him home alone so that he can go to the pub on the days he has overnight contact, if I understand what you have said correctly, I would be very worried how this will make your DS feel, how important he is to his dad if he can't spend time with him on the evening they are supposed to be together.

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2017 22:08

Surely if he wan't to go with his dad then he would have done? Confused

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 22:10

Couldn't agree more with apples: my concern would not be that the 12yo would get into some terrible trouble whilst lying in bed for an hour; it would be how he would feel about his place on his dad's list of priorities. And that would be a serious concern.

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 22:11

I mean re the pub trips.

228agreenend · 26/03/2017 22:12

How was the 12 year old? Did he mind, or was he unsettled?

Some 12 year olds wouldn't bat an eyelid, whilst others would feel nervous.

However, I don't think it warrants being angry, but maybe a stern conversation, especially if your son is a worrier.

Gallavich · 26/03/2017 22:13

Regardless of an hour or all day, there are still many risks. Irresponsible
Like what?