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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only have one child due to pension worries?

68 replies

AntiHop · 26/03/2017 18:37

We have 1 dd. I'd always pictured trying for a second. I'm nearly 40 so time is not on my side. Dp has no pension at all as a result of being self employed long term. He's going to start one very soon. I only started mine in my mid 30s. We'll be paying off our mortgage well into our 60s.

We'd planned to start ttc soon but I'm really worried about the lack of pension.

I've always wanted 2 children but I'm thinking that the financially wise thing would be to stick with one. I'd be heartbroken to only have one child though.

Am I over thinking this? Is this a ridiculous reason to change our plans to try for another child?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 26/03/2017 18:39

Not at all, I think you're being prudent.

Mari50 · 26/03/2017 18:40

You're over thinking it, have another! If you have two kids and get them well trained they can get really good jobs and look after you!!
Haha, just joking.
There are many issues to limit family size but pension wouldn't factor for me as I'm assuming I'll have to work until I drop dead anyway (and I'm 44)

felinewonderful · 26/03/2017 18:52

I think you should try for another child if you feel that you would be heartbroken at only having one. Lots of people have dcs without good pensions, jobs etc. I wouldn't let it affect your decision regarding this especially as time isn't on your side.

titchy · 26/03/2017 18:59

Second children don't cost much really. Why would your lack of pension provision be the deciding factor?

LondonGirl35 · 26/03/2017 19:01

I think you're being sensible. A lot of older people live in poverty because they didn't plan and have a 'someone else can sort this out for me, it's my right to have as many kids as I like' attitude. I think you are being very smart to think through things realistically. Good on you. Most people in this country sadly bury their head in the sand with regard their finances so it's impressive to read a post like yours clearly written by somebody who is switched on. My mum only had one child and I had a better life for it! I would not have had the same opportunities had she had more kids. And it's expensive being retired - unless you just want to stay at home doing nothing all the time. Holidays and hobbies and socialising cost A LOT. Good luck to you OP. If you're smart enough to be thinking things through like this then you are clearly switched on.

SEsofty · 26/03/2017 19:49

You are likely to work until you are 70. So another 30 years to sort out your position. If you still think that you can't do it over that time frame then don't

Nquartz · 26/03/2017 19:55

This is one of the reasons we stopped at 1. I think you're being very sensible, more people should be better/responsible with their financial planning

TwitterQueen1 · 26/03/2017 19:57

TBH I think that's a totally daft reason. You want another child because:
You love children
You want your single DC to have company
You picture family life with 2 DCs, playing in the garden, on the beach etc
You love the whole kid caboodle - baby, infant, toddler, schoolchild

To NOT have one because of pension concerns is a bit strange. You are putting your potential financial worries before the joy another child would definitely bring (along with a few worries as well of course, but surely these are nothing compared to the pleasures of a child?).

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/03/2017 19:59

Very sensible op. And responsible. There is nothing wrong with having one dc.

10000spoons · 26/03/2017 19:59

Realistically, I doubt by the time I get there that there will be a 'retirement' as such. I suspect most people will have to work so late that by the time you get to state pension age, you won't be able to do very much iyswim, i.e. there won't be costs such as socialising, holidays etc as a pp put it! And as another pp said, you've got 30 years to build up your pension now.

I would be heartbroken too at not having had another, and from reading your post, I think you would always regret it. Of course you can afford to do more with one, but there are always going to be pros and cons of having another. My two have a great relationship, and whilst I might not be able to afford to do as much with them both, they have each other.

burdog · 26/03/2017 20:03

Considering your DP hasn't started a pension yet, it is prudent not to have another child.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 26/03/2017 20:04

I would speak with an ifa. They can give you an idea of what your pension will payout on retirement as well as other investments you have. After that, make the best decision for your family.

SorrelSoup · 26/03/2017 20:05

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous! Have another child. You can feed them, clothe them?? A pension isn't the only route. A lot of people don't even live to make it to their pension. Life is short; grab it. You could buy a rental property or something like that? Overpay your own mortgage? Get one of those new life isa thingies? You are worrying too much imo.

Mysterycat23 · 26/03/2017 20:12

You've no idea what the future holds. Plan all you like, nothing not even pensions are guaranteed. A bit morbid but anyone could drop dead tomorrow so why worry so much about a hypothetical situation decades away.

Whereas if you have your second child you will have that joy in your immediate future.

The saying better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't do seems to apply here.

Enjoy your life now, you can't get the time back.

vaginasuprise · 26/03/2017 20:14

Second children don't cost much really.

That's funnyGrin

viques · 26/03/2017 20:15

And incidentally, while your OH might not have a pension he needs to make sure he has adequate life insurance ,as do you.

grills · 26/03/2017 20:17

I think you're very sensible. Financial stability is one reason we stopped at one. We're very secure financially and DH and I are on track to hit the lifetime limit for our pensions, and we will clear our mortgage in a few years before we're 45. My siblings have bigger families and are always stressing about money and I wouldn't want to live like that.

fishybits · 26/03/2017 20:21

Very sensible. We can afford one child and only have one child.

titchy · 26/03/2017 20:21

Well they don't have to! Cot pram etc already bought, clothes can be cheap or hand me downs, bedrooms can be shared. No one forces parents to spend hundreds a week on hobbies.

Plenty think living frugally in order to have two is a price worth paying for the benefit of having a sibling. Plenty are happy with one. There's no right or wrong.

But OP has a mortgage so has housing security long term which is the absolute main priority and does give options later on in life.

TulipsInAJug · 26/03/2017 20:25

I think you should have another child.

Like a pp said, those of us in our 30s and early 40s will probably be working till we drop dead anyway ..

SorrelSoup · 26/03/2017 20:25

Yes there's a difference between not being able to afford a child on a day to day basis, and worrying about a lack of pension pot. A lot of people have retired with worthless pensions, as illustrated by a thread on here last week.

BackforGood · 26/03/2017 20:27

I don't think that is a good enough reason.
I agree that 2nd child doesn't cost a lot, once you've got past the childcare element for 3 yrs until they start school.
There are just so many possibilities of things that can change over the next 30 yrs, that, although it is good to pay into a pension, I don't think it is in anyway comparable with the joy that a second child will bring you (if, as you state that is what you want).
Do you really think missing the happiness of another dc over the next 50 years, and the comfort your dc will have of having a sibling after that is worth being a few quid better off if you have a long retirement?

titchy · 26/03/2017 20:29

It's funny grills I think your siblings with their big families will have a much richer retirement than you! Money isn't everything.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 26/03/2017 20:36

I agree with pp that the joy another child will bring will be worth it.

I can't see anyone of my generation (I'm 31) doing the cruise twice a year, leisurely retirment thing unless they have made enough to retire early. I fully expect to work until i am no longer physically able so might as well enjoy life now.

Original poster
AntiHop · 26/03/2017 20:42

Thanks very much for all your comments. It has been really helpful to read them all. It is reassuring that opinion is divided, which reflects how I am feeling.

titchy the cost I am concerned about it childcare costs. Both dp and I need to work full time to make ends meet. We'd be planning a second child for after the 30 free hours kick in, or after dd has started school, we couldn't afford to pay for 2 sets of nursery fees otherwise.

LondonGirl35 thanks for your positive comments but the problem is that we've not been financially switched on, which is what we're now realising. Money has been tight for years, and we never seemed to have anything spare to plan for retirement.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret we've got an appointment with an IFA coming up. In our initial conversation he said dp should be putting 20% of his income into pension considering he's not started a pension. We definitely can't afford that!

viques yes I insisted that dp and I got life insurance when I was pregnant.

SorrelSoup yes we can afford a second child on a day to day basis, once the 30 free childcare hours kick in which is less than a year away now for us.

BackforGood You very much sum up what my heart is saying.

OP posts: