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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DH organised nothing from children for Mother's Day

86 replies

RubyAndCustard · 26/03/2017 15:49

Feeling overwhelmingly upset that ex husband has done nothing regarding mother's day. My two DD (9 and 11) are with him this weekend - and was hoping for a card in the post at least. Instead at home alone looking at everyone's Facebook photos of flowers and lovely messages.

I got a text from the girls and that was it.

AIBU to feel this way, or should I just forget it? He knows darn well I will be upset - and I think it's his way of having a dig at me (which he loves to do). It's his birthday in April and I think I might get my own back (immature?) by not organising anything from the DDs for that.

R

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 26/03/2017 15:50

If that's how he wants it ignore is birthday and Father's Day.

Take his behaviour as the way he wants it to be.

PerryCoxHair · 26/03/2017 15:52

I think at 11 and 9 they are old enough to sort something out themselves. Likewise for his birthday.

TheNaze73 · 26/03/2017 15:57

He's been a twat. I think you've every right to be pissed off. He may not like you but, should respect that you are the mother of his children

Crowdblundering · 26/03/2017 15:58

Maybe they will bring something with them when they come home?

My ex never bothered but TBH all three of my DC 19,17 and 15 make a massive fuss of me and that means more because it's real.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/03/2017 15:59

He's an ex for a reason! I would not be expecting anything if he has to be relied on to do something. Don't do anything for Father's day or his birthday.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/03/2017 16:02

It's his birthday in April and I think I might get my own back (immature?) by not organising anything from the DDs for that.

I don't see how that would be immature. He's letting you know that he doesn't want to do these sorts of events any more (unless he's always been meticulous about arranging your birthday/xmas gifts in the past?)

So take his lead and don't organise anything for his birthday. Your kids are surely old enough to start doing this themselves anyway.

TheCakes · 26/03/2017 16:02

My ex doesn't bother either. We've been separated 10 years now and I've stopped doing anything for him. It upsets me that DH doesn't bother either. It's like no-one actually values me as a mum.
This year, my mum took my boys to sort something, which I'll get when they come home.

Crowdblundering · 26/03/2017 16:03

Don't do anything for Father's day or his birthday.

Do you not think the OP should be the bigger person here? The reason we do these things is because the children (until they are old enough to organise themselves) want to give their parent a gift - regardless of how much both the parents hate each other.

My ex never bothered - I always did.

Tinkerbec · 26/03/2017 16:03

Mine didn't either. She is 8.
Back from her Dad's she has gone into her room and made me a card. She also has a packet of biscuits that my mam gave her. She has wrapped them in tin foil. Bless

In always get ex something from dd. So yes I feel your pain. Not worth it though.

Crowdblundering · 26/03/2017 16:05

...I also always send my OH ex flowers on Mother's Day from her girls even though she does stuff all for OH.

ThomasRichard · 26/03/2017 16:05

My exH hasn't bothered either. Luckily, the DC made their own cards and gifts and got a hot-cross bun for breakfast in bed. They're only 7 and 4 so it was quite cute.

comingintomyown · 26/03/2017 16:06

That's mean and I'm not surprised you're miffed but I would still do his birthday etc , my motto is always retain the high ground. Admittedly I'm still waiting seven years on to see payback on my policy but hey ho.

Huskylover1 · 26/03/2017 16:07

Uugh, what a spiteful twat he has been. I wonder if your DD have asked him to take them shopping, and he said no, and they feel bad? At 11 and 9, they are old enough to know that they should have got you a card and token gift, it's not rocket science, is it? Why are they with him this weekend - they should be with you, surely. Next year insist they are with you, book a nice lunch and perhaps gently remind DD that Mother's Day is coming up and you'd like a home made card at least

MopedManiac · 26/03/2017 16:12

I feel the same R&C. We have no formal contact arrangements in place yet, but I would have thought he'd let the kids know that they could be home with me. Yes, they're old enough to say what they want but I think at the moment they feel that he needs them more as he is all 'weak & broken' poor man. Ironic given what he put me through....

I will make sure they at least have some money to get him something for Father's day etc because I'm the bigger person (alright, the empath / co-dependant who couldn't be nasty if I tried!)

Some Flowers for all the Mum's today x

Moussemoose · 26/03/2017 16:14

It's about teaching children to do the right thing. It's not about you.
Your dd will be upset when they realise, they may take on the guilt, it's what girls do.
Teach them to think ahead and buy presents for him. Explain why presents are important to people. He can play games with their emotions but do you want to do that.

user1483387154 · 26/03/2017 16:15

At that age the children should be able to organise things themselves. They could make cards, bake a cake, make you breakfast, buy a bunch of dafodils from the supermarket etc.
You and not your Ex's Mother and I dont think you should expect him to organise anything, just as I would not feel that you should be responsible for organising anything for him for Fathers day.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/03/2017 16:16

No crowdblundering, I am sure they will make him cards at school. Or they can make him a card at home themselves.

Crumbs1 · 26/03/2017 16:19

Your not his mother or even his wife. Why would he?

knackeredinyorkshire · 26/03/2017 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 26/03/2017 16:20

Do you think your girls will of asked him about a Mother's Day something? They obviously know about Mother's Day and are old enough to ask him, how could he say no if they've asked

When are they due to come home? Maybe they will come home with a small something.

diddl · 26/03/2017 16:20

Is there no one else who could have reminded them/helped them buy something?

Likewise, is there not someone else who would remind/help them with his bday/FD?

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 26/03/2017 16:21

Ds is old enough to sort stuff himself, but I sub him money to buy presents for his dad as his allowance isn't huge. After making him buy my birthday, Christmas and mothers' day presents out of his allowance, ds told me not to bother subbing him again because his dad didn't deserve it.

Kids work this shit out.

Theresnonamesleft · 26/03/2017 16:23

If they have access to art stuff they could have made a card before they went. The older one could have organized something on her way home from school on Friday.
Sorry but it's not your ex responsibility, your not his mum.

greenworm · 26/03/2017 16:25

To be honest, DP and his ex don't organise anything for each others birthdays/Xmas/mother's and father's day from their DS. DS always makes cards himself and gives those. Sometimes he asks to get something specific as a gift, which is fine and facilitated, but most of the time he doesn't have any ideas about gifts or seem bothered about going out to buy something. And if all the thought and motivation is not coming from your DC but from your ex, what's the point really? I believe it's the thought/communication that counts - but a call would be nicer than a text! I hope they ring you later.

user1490123259 · 26/03/2017 16:27

This is why we ignore mothers day. Absolute minefield. Not worth the cost, the aggro and the risk of getting it all wrong.