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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DH organised nothing from children for Mother's Day

86 replies

RubyAndCustard · 26/03/2017 15:49

Feeling overwhelmingly upset that ex husband has done nothing regarding mother's day. My two DD (9 and 11) are with him this weekend - and was hoping for a card in the post at least. Instead at home alone looking at everyone's Facebook photos of flowers and lovely messages.

I got a text from the girls and that was it.

AIBU to feel this way, or should I just forget it? He knows darn well I will be upset - and I think it's his way of having a dig at me (which he loves to do). It's his birthday in April and I think I might get my own back (immature?) by not organising anything from the DDs for that.

R

OP posts:
milliemolliemou · 26/03/2017 16:28

Just go for the high ground for his birthday and ignore Father's Day. All these days are supercharged with emotion and parents should just let go and not expect anything on either day. First World Problems?

Boredbeforeievenbegan · 26/03/2017 16:28

My ex never bothered but I always send the kids with a card and token present on his birthday etc. Pretty sure they will remember that when they look back.

Happydappy99 · 26/03/2017 16:36

Mine makes a big and song and dance over Father's Day so I always take the kids shopping to get him and card and presents. The last two years his new wife (now his ex) who was the OW bought my cards and presents from the kids and got me funeral flowers. This year I made the stupid mistake of thinking he might actually make an effort as he told the kids they were all taking me out for lunch and to chose my presents. Called him this morning to he told he wasn't coming until 4pm and my card and presents were at his mums so the kids could write them out. Went round and they the kind of things to OW likes and I hate. The kids are upset that they didn't get me anything and he's stormed off in a mood. I knew I was stupid for thinking he'd make an effort.

January87 · 26/03/2017 16:39

'Your not his mother' - no, that's right, she's not his mother, but she's the mother of his children and the dickhead should have enough respect for her to at least organise a card and a small box of choccies from the kids.

I'm not DH's mother but he bought me some lovely stuff from the kids. Much appreciated. Until the kids are old enough to afford their own stuff.

Hissy · 26/03/2017 16:40

I got a hand made card and 2 little gifts from my 11yo ds. He got the gifts from a sale at school, and drew and wrote the card himself.

If my son, a bloke, can do it, your 2 girls can. Your ex is your ex. Don't expect anything from him.

Likewise, Father's Day/Birthday etc etc, these things work both ways

BCGRMDP · 26/03/2017 16:42

if it makes you feel better my ex gave me another malicious report to social services for my mothers day :D

they may well have made you a card and are bringing it with them. failing that at least you know the level of effort to go through yourself.

mrsmuddlepies · 26/03/2017 16:43

What are funeral flowers? Do you mean a wreath?!!!!

Happydappy99 · 26/03/2017 16:49

Mrsmudpies - it was an arrangement of lillies that normally put on top of a coffin...

Astro55 · 26/03/2017 16:52

My man would organise us kids to buy something for our mum -

My friends sister has arranged afternoon tea for her and the kids

It's not your job to sort gifts for him and not his job tomatoey gifts for you

You need to look at youbwider family (mum sister brothers etc) They should be making sure the kids do these things as you 'cant'

Unless you give them £5 and drop them at a shop -

Don't rely on him - it's your expectation that's making you upset

katronfon · 26/03/2017 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/03/2017 17:01

What a twat. I disagree its not his job. He's a father and part of parenting.

But if that's the way he wants to play it so be it. Ignore his future events. Don't be the so called bigger person re his birthday - its not being a bigger person its being a mug.

Your dc arent too young to learn about the kind of man their father is. Don't sugar coat that. It will help them avoid a husband like him.

EweAreHere · 26/03/2017 17:03

He's set the tone. Ignore his birthday this year and see what he says. IF he complains/gripes, THEN pull him up on it. IF he doesn't say anything/seem bothered, then carry on.

Crowdblundering · 26/03/2017 17:14

OH's kids see something they want to buy for their mum for Mother's Day or her bday or xmas and we buy it (within reason). Ever mind the fact that she's fairly useless, never provides the kids with what they need and the only place she ever takes them is to the pub.

I would hate to think they looked back and thought that me and their dad denied them the joy of being able to treat their mum like all their peers will be doing.

Vegansnake · 26/03/2017 17:19

Next time give them money in advance and take them shopping ,you have coffee and they buy you a present...most exs are exs for a reason,why would they buy you something? It wouldn't of occurred to me to expect that x

Railgunner1 · 26/03/2017 17:24

Does he have to? Kids aren't toddlers. They are old enough to greet their mother themselves.

Avioleta · 26/03/2017 17:25

My ex didn't do anything either and TBH I am a bit hurt.

Luckily, the PTA at DCs school run a Mother's Day stall last week where they were each able to purchase small gifts each for me. And they made cards with their childminder.

But still. I think it's a bit shit of him not to bother to do anything at all. I always arrange something for Father's Day. He has the kids EOW and I do everything else - every school run, every parents eve etc (he lives too far away to be any use there). Still, I guess it's who he is. If he was a nice man I'd still be with him.

Roomster101 · 26/03/2017 17:27

Assuming that his mother is still alive he will know it is mother's day so has deliberately ignored it. You should certainly do the same thing on Father's day and his birthday.
I don't know why some posters think you should take the "high ground". Save your effort for making sure your children get you something on mother's day/your birthday. Your children are now old enough to go to the shops and get you something so in future I would just remind them to do that and/or take them to the shops. In a couple of years they (hopefully) won't need reminding.

Emphasise · 26/03/2017 17:31

By 9 & 11 I think it's down to the DC TBH. I live with their father but I don't think it's down to him to organise something for them to give me. Likewise, I might remind them Father's Day is coming up but I wouldn't "do" anything.

KarmaNoMore · 26/03/2017 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moussemoose · 26/03/2017 17:35

Is in the number one rule of parenting "it's not about you"?

Children need to be shown how to be considerate of others. Children need to be taught how to buy presents other people like. Children have to be shown that even if someone else behaves badly you still do the right thing. You need to demonstrate that behaviour because it's not about you.

You want you children to grow up to think about others and be decent people. So you have to show them how despite other people.

Crowdblundering · 26/03/2017 17:37

Moussemouse

Exactly.

ShaniaTwang · 26/03/2017 17:38

It doesn't really matter if the scheme of things. I think yabu.

Fwiw I'm in the same position as you, not seen the kids on md, they are with ex, we had a little celebration on Friday instead.

ShaniaTwang · 26/03/2017 17:42

Also, no, don't do the same to him on his birthday.

ShaniaTwang · 26/03/2017 17:43

Also, get a grip and stop comparing your life to what you see on fb ffs

Aeroflotgirl · 26/03/2017 17:46

They can make him a card, or something for him, themselves, they are old enough, it does not have to be a present from a shop. Yes it is being a mug tbf, what about mothers with abusive exes! Should they be the bigger person and put their abuse aside!

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