Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still have age restrictions for 18 yo? WRT internet?

42 replies

Everleigh · 25/03/2017 01:28

We have restrictions on our wifi (no pornographic material) that's the only thing that's set, everything else there is no restrictions. My mum seems to think I'm being ridiculous and he should be able to make that choice for himself now he is an adult. But then she says she wouldn't have had restrictions on from about 14+ as it's natural Hmm so as you can imagine I'm hardly going to be taking her advice.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WeirdAndPissedOff · 25/03/2017 01:31

Hmm, YABU to make it an age restriction for an 18 yo. However if you don't want him viewing pornographic material in your house then that's fair enough.

Asmoto · 25/03/2017 01:32

I assume you pay for the household broadband? If so, it's up to you what you want to restrict. If you don't want to risk accidentally accessing material you dislike, that's perfectly reasonable.

Original poster
Everleigh · 25/03/2017 01:33

But WeirdAndPissedOff that's why it's restricted - it's restricted in general as neither DH or I watch it so we have it on restricted the whole time. How else are we supposed to make sure he isn't viewing it in our house?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 25/03/2017 01:33

I think YABU if you have the restriction on for him because you think he's too young. But YANBU if it's a principled stand against pornography use by anyone in the household.

steff13 · 25/03/2017 01:33

Well, if it's blocked because you have a moral objection to pornography, I think that's fair enough. If you're only blocking in from him because he's a "child" I think that's a bit unreasonable. He can always pay for his own internet if he doesn't like it.

corythatwas · 25/03/2017 01:48

our house?
Add message | Report | Message poster
BoomBoomsCousin Sat 25-Mar-17 01:33:27
"I think YABU if you have the restriction on for him because you think he's too young. But YANBU if it's a principled stand against pornography use by anyone in the household."

This. I don't want pornography in my house ever. Not what ds is 18, not when he is 48. And that is my prerogative, to decide about my house. My right to decide about my son otoh ends when he turns 18.

peachgreen · 25/03/2017 01:48

I am massively morally opposed to porn and think it's hugely damaging for a relationship but I have to say, I think banning / restricting it is a bad idea. Instead I'd be teaching my son about the differences between porn and sex, explaining the impact it could have on a relationship and then letting him make his own choices either way. I'd probably also explain the differences between porn made by willing participants (Abby Winters etc) and porn that exploits vulnerable people. Banning it turns it into something tempting and illicit when in actual fact it's mostly just a bit seedy and pathetic.

Asmoto · 25/03/2017 01:51

I'm not at all opposed to porn, but I think the OP has an absolute right to decide what happens in her house using a service she pays for.

SpreadYourHappiness · 25/03/2017 01:53

YABU. If he wants to look at porn, he should be able to. He's a grown adult; it's nothing to do with you.

neonrainbow · 25/03/2017 02:00

You pay for the Internet you can put whatever restriction you want. He's probably watching it on his phone anyway.

MakeItStopNeville · 25/03/2017 02:07

Has your son complained he can't access porn? I'm confused...

Asmoto · 25/03/2017 02:10

It seems to be the OP's mum who's objecting, Neville. It would be interesting to know whether the son has raised a complaint - would the average 18 year old bring up something like that with his mum?

musicposy · 25/03/2017 02:11

No, I have parental controls on for porn. Our DCs are 21 and 17. Outside of the house they can do whatever they want but as I see it, I'm paying for the broadband service so I say what gets viewed through it.

The controls apply equally to all of us, myself and DH included. DH is on board with it. It can be frustrating at times - I was once banned from reading washing machine reviews! I don't try overriding it, though, even though I have the password. If I expect the DCs to put up with it I feel I need to myself.

Keeping them on is nothing to do with thinking the DCs are still children and everything to do with not wanting my money to feed into the porn industry in any way. DC1 lives away from home in term time and what happens there is not my business. At home, it is. YANBU.

GoodnightSeattle · 25/03/2017 02:12

It would be massively unreasonable and really bloody weird if you purposely removed this block for the sole purpose of your sons sexual gratification.

And your DM is ignorant of technology in this day and age and, quite frankly, the tenacity of a teenager who wants to see some boobs. If he likes that sort of stuff he will certainly already have access to it with or without your internet!

Original poster
Everleigh · 25/03/2017 02:15

Gosh no, my son has never mentioned it to me.

OP posts:
shyturnip · 25/03/2017 02:17

Bloody weird of your mum if you ask me

Asmoto · 25/03/2017 02:22

If your son hasn't mentioned it, he's presumably happy with or at least accepting of the status quo. If all is harmonious in your house, your mum simply needs to stop intruding on the way you manage things - it's working fine without her "help".

FreeNiki · 25/03/2017 02:52

Instead I'd be teaching my son about the differences between porn and sex, explaining the impact it could have on a relationship and then letting him make his own choices either way.

An 18 yo is just dying to discuss this with their mum.

Unpropergrammer · 25/03/2017 04:00

I think you are incredibly naive to believe that even the strictest family filters block our porngraphic material.

From working with teenagers personally, I can tell you 9/10 they are accessing some form of pornography online despite filters put in place.

MarsInScorpio · 25/03/2017 04:04

If you think an 18 year old boy hasn't very easily circumvented your 'restrictions' then you're sadly mistaken.

Whatever you'd like to believe, he'll be in a tiny minority of teenage boys who aren't masturbating furiously at every opportunity.

I would leave the restriction in place because that's up to you although I think such a restriction is a waste of time.

blubberball · 25/03/2017 05:26

If he wants to move out, and pay for his own internet, then he is free to watch porn to his hearts content. If it makes you feel better to have the filters on in your own house, then that is no body else's business.

StudentMum92 · 25/03/2017 06:09

If he wants to watch porn he will, there are ways around it.

WizardOfToss · 25/03/2017 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harderandharder2breathe · 25/03/2017 06:51

Your mothers interest in your 18 your old watching porn or not is bizarre

Yanbu for restricting porn on internet you pay for. Even though he'll find ways around it if he really wants to.

Gallavich · 25/03/2017 07:03

I assume he's got a smartphone with 3G internet so he can still watch porn if he really wants to.
You're absolutely right to have a restriction on the wifi. I will certainly do the same when ds is old enough to have less monitored access to the internet.