To feel much more comfortable with men than women

[user1489943514]

Almost all my close friends are men. Wherever I've worked I've always found it was men who made more of an effort to chat to me and who I became friendly with.
I feel nervous and shy with women who are older than me and lack confidence communicating with them. While with men I am the most bubbly person around.

Wherever I've worked, I've always had very positive feedback from Male managers but female managers criticise more.

Men just seem to 'get me' more than other women.

I have some female friends and have female colleagues I got on great with but generally, Men just seem to much prefer me and I feel more comfortable with them. It's rare I meet a woman I feel I can really be myself with and feel confident around.

Is it just me? AIBU?

I agree with MargaretCavendish about the labelling of male/female behaviour.

Just one anecdote - I sat open mouthed as a male colleague of my husband's ticked off all the men another colleague had slept with on his fingers. Five minutes later he was talking about another female colleague and saying she was a gossip!

It's been my experience that men are JUST as bad as women when it comes to gossip/"bitchiness", but women are still perceived as leaders in those characteristics.

I am a man. I'm generally somewhat unsociable, but I'm (completely unintentionally) more talkative with and friendlier to attractive women than I am to everyone else. I have no agenda, it's almost as though some hidden part of my brain feels the need to override my natural personality, causing me to be sociable.

Missed this gem. Wow, man strangely finds himself friendlier to attractive women. Who'd have thought?

Men who only have time for attractive women, are not men that I am interested in getting to know.

Anyone who has worked with men know they can gossip and be as bitchy as some women. Tip - if you don't like this behavour, spend time with people who don't do it.

u 23-Mar-17 15:57:13
I am a man. I'm generally somewhat unsociable, but I'm (completely unintentionally) more talkative with and friendlier to attractive women than I am to everyone else. I have no agenda, it's almost as though some hidden part of my brain feels the need to override my natural personality, causing me to be sociable.

I'm so glad a man came along to tell us this, otherwise I'd never have known that it happens.

I think the "hidden part" of your brain that causes this unintentional behaviour can be found in your pants, firesuit

It's possible that older women evaluate you negatively because you behave negatively towards them. What you say is awkwardness in their presence may come over as dismissiveness. And what you think of as being bubbly popularity among male staff members may be seen (not saying it is) as using your youth to flirt, which may come across as manipulative.

I think YABU simply because not all men are great or all women monsters, and to dismiss a chunk of your colleagues just for being older women is missing out on the chance for some strong friendships and work relationships. You are not seeing individuals.

This was true for me when I was younger. But then I spend most of my childhood in fear of a choatic mother. I don't think I was very pleasant to other women (most other women).

Fwiw, I grew out of it in my twenties when enough life experience had demonstrated that it was my own prejudice.

I am a man. I'm generally somewhat unsociable, but I'm (completely unintentionally) more talkative with and friendlier to attractive women than I am to everyone else. I have no agenda, it's almost as though some hidden part of my brain feels the need to override my natural personality, causing me to be sociable.

I missed this too. "I have no agenda". Hahaha! How sad for us less attractive women though, that we're deprived of your attention.

Floatingfrog - yes minefield is the right word.

Yes I was also laughing at the man on this thread saying 'I seem to like taking to attractive women, goodness knows why'

Classic, isn't it? As well as the assumption that none of us knew this happened, because we're so oblivious to how men treat us when we're attractive compared to when we're not.

But the Cool Girls and the men whose approval they so desperately seem will still say women are the ones with no self awareness and governed by their hormones and emotions....

I've never heard any compliments about me as a person.

That such a sad sentence.

What's your next step?

You've realised that you get on better with people where you can expect them to be nice to you because of attraction, and that you don't like to start conversations where you'll have to rely on your personality. But meaningful friendships are based on personalities. So what are you going to do now?

Well it's well know that generally people respond more positively towards attractive people. So not sure why that man's comment is such a gem it's pretty obvious and it applies to both males and females.

Known

OP does not respond positively to attractive older women.

I also feel more comfortable around men but that's because I grew up in a house full of abusive women and went to a very rough girls school where I attracted as friends, some abusive people that I have only just got rid of 30 years later.

There is very little trust with me around women just because of my experiences, though I am not labelling every woman, as I am one myself. I am not a cool girl though, I am very married and I have never sought to surround myself with men so they could be my monkey butler harem and I could keep them all dangling and guessing, far from it. I have never want to sleep with any of my male friends, god forbid. I just think in the way I behave and speak I am more like a man than a woman. The idea of having an intimate female friend doesn't appeal. I would feel I was always watching my back for the hatchet. It's a shame maybe, but that's what I feel.

Cool Girls can be married, in fact they usually are eventually. If they stay single too long they risk being labelled a man hating feminist for whom no mere mortal is good enough, or whatever the fuck.

I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experiences, Ampers, but glad to see that you recognise the causes and that it's to do with your awful experience rather than because women are inherently bad people.

Thanks Yorick, yes it is all skewed and I do know that. I have dreams of meeting 'the one' someday, haha. as long as she doesn't want to talk about her fucking feelings all the time, lol

Will people fuck off with their 'cool girl' comments if someone said they prefer the same sex no one would bat an eyelid

fundamentally you cant be unreasonable as your feelings cant be changed even if you want them to be changed

Do the female posters who claim that women are bitchy and two-faced mean to imply that they themselves are bitchy and two-faced?

Or are they saying "every single woman on the planet except me"?

(and if so, how do we square this with the fact that there's more than one of them on this thread?)