"Are you on your period"

[nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice]

If I snap or I'm angry about something my OH immediately assumes I'm on my period!! Why? Does my opinion not matter any other time of the month? Does anyone else's dp just assume they are on their monthly every time they are a bit arsey? Aibu to think this is a ridiculous assumption?

When DH and I had recently moved in together he was being a dick and I called him out on it. It was probably our first 'proper' row and he smiled patronisingly and asked "do you think you might be due on?". I think I was so cross my head spun a full 360 and I screeched "I'm cross because you've been a twat, not because of my menstrual cycle". He's not mentioned it since.

It's shitty and rude and something more men should be called out on.

It's pure speculation. Hormonal changes do have well known effects on mood. No, not all women experience the same menstrual symptoms. But some undoubtably do experience psychological symptoms.

I would go mad if my dh said that to me. Especially as I'm fine at that time of the month (God bless the pill for making it so much easier for me)

I've never said it, but when DW is particularly snappy or rude I often think it.

YABothBU. Periods affect some women's moods. That seems to be the way of the world. Some women are more aware of this than others. If it is that phase of the moon and you are being more sensitive/emo/whatever than normal I think that it's a reasonable question. The answer can be no it's not, yes it might be or yes but that's got nothing to do with it or other answer. But...
Sounding off about "how dare you even have the temerity to ask?" or calling men misoganistic (can't even spell that!) just for asking is a bit much. Obviously there is a line everywhere and I don't write off ForestMum's thoughts and feelings at those or any other time. If you've been together for a long time you hopefully know a lot about each other, this normally includes the ups and downs.
Just give me 5 mins to put the body armour on.

IT may be true, but does not need to be said. The things that upset you, even if they are silly, are still stressful, and need respect not mocking.

YANBU. Ridiculous sexist crap.

But then do people deal with this by really screaming at their partners?! Bizarre.

DH doesn't say this to every emotional episode/angry reaction, however he does know my cycle, and I am a very impatient snappy cow in the days leading up to my period, so his is a pretty valid assumption in the 3 days or so before.

I am a member of a sub-forum elsewhere that is related to cars.

99% of the members were absolutely fine, but every so often a new member would pipe up with that bullshit period line when I [or any of the other female members] replied.

It got to a stage where the other male members would be taking the piss out of the new one about my impending reaction before I even saw it (as in, they had my back and were telling new member what they thought of his stupid comments as well).

ForestDad: "If it is that phase of the moon and you are being more sensitive/emo/whatever than normal I think that it's a reasonable question."
PMS doesn't make me particularly 'sensitive' or 'emo'. But it diminishes my tolerance for bullshit.

I used to work for a man who blamed any female unrest as hormone related. He didn't realise that acting like a complete dickhead had the side effect of pissing off all his staff, most of whom were female. Funnily enough his mood swings were much more noticeable than any of ours. Nobody accused him of being hormonal though when he was yelling at us.

It's a bit like confirmation bias isn't it? I don't think anyone's mood, female or male, stays the same over a period of time. We all get pissed off or snippy sometimes. It's just that when a woman is grumpy, because we 'know' that our hormones can cause moodiness, that's an acceptable explanation. The PMS post above was really interesting, thanks for posting it.

No, my PMS symptoms are not "confirmation bias". They are very much real.

I am snappier and anxious when I am on my period, so I wouldn't feel annoyed, because I know it is true for me.

There is no consensus but it's known that a drop in progesterone can cause depression, so it's hardly a huge leap to think that these powerful hormones involved in the menstrual cycle have an effect on mood in some women. No, not all women, but it's as shitty to dismiss women's lived experience as it is for men to assume it's a factor whenever a woman is pissed off. Diet might be a factor in the cultural differences. Something Knifegrinder didn't respond to on the other thread.

My dh would never say that, as he is not an immature knobhead.

OP, does your do 'banter'

*your dh

I never claimed that your PMS symptoms are not real venus

We're not talking about actual PMS though here, are we? We're talking about men assuming a woman is on her period if she gets a bit pissed off at him.

Diet might be a factor in the cultural differences. Something Knifegrinder didn't respond to on the other thread.

No, I didn't. Shoot me. I don't know whether anyone's studied diet and PMS in general anyway, or done equivalent studies to the Mediterranean diet and cardiac health, or Japanese rural diets and longevity.

But if previously unaffected immigrant women are starting to report PMS mood swings more the longer they live in 'western' countries with a culture of PMS, you would presumably need to check whether they are now eating a different diet -- if they are still eating the way they would in their home country, then some other factor is operating.

All I cared about was your high handed, patronising dismissal of my very real PMS symptoms and those of the vast majority of women on that thread. Clearly you haven't thought it all through in any great detail.

As a guy its usually easy to tell when DW is experiencing PMS albeit I would never mention it, that would be the height of stupidity.

Sometimes she's just be uncharacteristically quick to pick fault and be blaming without what seems to be much basis, sometimes she is downright argumentative and occasionally she is spiteful.

I had this once when I was 21 or 22, a man made a comment about me being on my period. I just snapped at him "you'll never know what that's like will you?!" (Eg he'd never have a period).

It didn't help that I got very heavy periods (often bleeding right through one sanitary towel, had awful period pains and headaches and this all happened even when I was on the pill, I also got bad PMT too) but I never made anything of them.

The whole office went silent (i worked in a different part but had to walk past this department to get to another department). The 2 women who worked in that department next time I came round congratulated me for putting the man in his place...

Harmless how easy is it to tell exactly? Is there are a difference between a woman being simply annoyed/angry for a non hormonal reason or for a hormonal reason like having PMS/T?

My mother did this to me recently. I was annoyed about something she and my Dad had done gang up on me to undermine my decision because I rejected their bad advice and she made a sarky comment about me being menopausal. I could not believe it.

Harmless ah I see you said that about your wife.

ForestDad PMS/T isn't related to the moon, kindly re-educate yourself.

There have been noted in certain mental health facilities that around the time of the full moon both men and women's mental health problems can be made worse probably as the result of idiots like you spouting lunar nonsense and then when the moon wanes, get better.

PMT/S happens before a women menstruates usually 2 weeks, but some women can also experience similar symptoms during their period.

Until you yourself as a male experience periods etc I'd advise you to STFU.