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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Are you on your period"

110 replies

nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice · 22/03/2017 22:05

If I snap or I'm angry about something my OH immediately assumes I'm on my period!! Why? Does my opinion not matter any other time of the month? Does anyone else's dp just assume they are on their monthly every time they are a bit arsey? Aibu to think this is a ridiculous assumption?

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 22/03/2017 22:57

That's a really foul "joke". Are you going to call him on it? Maybe point out to him how belittling and unpleasant it is for your daughter to hear that coming from a man she's supposed to trust and respect?

UglyChristmasPullovers · 22/03/2017 22:59

YANBU at all. This reminds me so much of office situations whereby me stating my opinions sometimes get the "are you on your period"/"did you wake up on the bitchy side of bed today" comments whereas men doing the same are simple "being assertive". It's fantastic.

HandbagCrazy · 22/03/2017 23:03

Similar to sniffle sometimes DH will ask because my PMT generally is irritability directed at him but I don't realised what it is for a while. Usually on day 2/3 he will ask if my period is coming. But that's different as there's no malice in it.

I have been asked it by cocky gobshite in work because I was quite firm in asking him to do something that should have been done a few days before. I took him in a room and gave a very professional talk about what is / isn't appropriate. Work BF told me I had my death-face on though

Have also been asked it by a friends partner. He got short shrift from me - something about my hormones don't control my actions / how insulting / me disagreeing with him was led by me being smart not a period.

It's an awful thing for your DH to say. Tell him it has no relevance and to fuck right off with his misogynistic view

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2017 23:08

No, he wouldn't ever say something like that.

On a slightly different note though, I do wish some women would stop blaming their hormones when they're being massive idiots.

You see it on here a lot. I don't just mean when someone's a bit moody/cranky, but when they're being a complete dick, blaming their hormones is ridiculous.

reallyanotherone · 22/03/2017 23:11

Not dh- my mother.

Every time i was upset, or angry, from about age 8 it was put down to "hormones" and never taken seriously.

so i was never really listened to or supported, she never took the time to see if i had a reason for being upset. It was just dismissed as hormones again.

Wickedstepmum67 · 22/03/2017 23:15

Grrrrrr! An ex of mine dismissed any expression of feelings with the words 'are you due for your period?' It is demeaning. I only wish I had responded with something like 'no, but you are due for a smacking'. My DH never says sh*te like this - and would never get away with it if the thought crossed his mind! 😁

VestalVirgin · 22/03/2017 23:23

He also had joked today that when my daughter reaches "that age" we will both be banned to the shed during our periods!!! He thinks he's so funny. How disrespectful.

Ban yourself and your daughter to a house in a different town. Permanently.
(Unless you own the house you now live in - in that cause, kick him out.)

Seriously, this is not funny. This is one of the ways in which men oppress women in real life.
And he knows it, otherwise I doubt he'd think of it.

Perhaps he is not joking, but just telling the truth about what he will do to you once he has you safely under his thumb. Not saying that it is like that, but it could be.

Short-term, I agree with the person who suggested you take yourself to bed with a hot water bottle.

Northernparent68 · 22/03/2017 23:27

Op, if your anger is irrational it will puzzle your partner, the alternative is to calmly explain what's wrong.

When some women blame their hormones you can't be surprised when men do.

If a man admitted on this site to anger and going apoplectic it would not be excused on hormones, it'd be described as abuse.

Doyouwantabrew · 22/03/2017 23:32

Why doesn't your dh know when you are 'on your period' anyway?

Hate that and dislike women blaming hormones for crap behaviour as I dislike men blaming stress for bad behaviour.

We have 2 girls sbs when dd3 started her periods she told her dad and had a huge cuddle from him.

pointstaken · 22/03/2017 23:32

My elder son uses it to wind up his sister. He keeps using it because it works, it drives her and me mad. The only way to react is to stay calm, if you get in a rage, you prove him right.

I had the comment at work so many times. I just ended up being more senior, that shut them up.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 22/03/2017 23:34

I have the response 'Yes, so for five days a month I get to act like you do all the time' all ready to go, but have not had the opportunity to use it yet.

VestalVirgin · 22/03/2017 23:36

The only way to react is to stay calm, if you get in a rage, you prove him right.

Only if you are a girl who still lives with her parents and is tormented by her brother. (I bloody hope you do something about this other than telling her to stay calm)

As an adult who lives with an adult man who cannot behave, you can just leave the fucker. Then he can feel happy that he was right, but that's not your problem anymore, then.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/03/2017 23:36

It's funny how short-tempered or unreasonable or irrational behaviour by men is not routinely blamed on their hormones when it is recognised that testosterone can make aggressive and impulsive.

I've never been particularly aware of hormonal mood swings^ myself, but once my DH unwisely attempted a humorous quip along those lines... I wish I could remember exactly how I worded it, but essentially I commiserated with him on the difficulty he must have managing his hormones all the time.^ Fortunately for him he took my point.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 22/03/2017 23:37

Somebody at work did tell my colleague 'Have you heard about midol, it can help you'. I heard about it second hand. Apparently she pretty much exploded all over the guy. He had a huge reputation as a jerk, and she was about as pleasant to deal with as a poisonous mutant cactus so I felt they thoroughly deserved each other.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/03/2017 23:39

Dunno what I did to my italics there.

pointstaken · 22/03/2017 23:40

The only way to react is to stay calm, if you get in a rage, you prove him right.
Only if you are a girl who still lives with her parents and is tormented by her brother

Are you kidding? I would have lost all credibility at work if I had started ranting and raging when "suspected" of being on my period. I found the cold and controlled fury works so much better.

maras2 · 22/03/2017 23:41

Dh and I have been together since I was 15. (almost pre pubescent)
I'm now 64 and very post menopausal.
Never has he referred to my (sometimes) mardy behaviour as being due to my menses.
Your DH/DP is well out of order,or where I come from,is an eejit.

AdoraBell · 22/03/2017 23:43

My DH has never said that. I did have an abusive bf who used to. It was one of his ways of belittling me.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/03/2017 23:50

I had this in an organisation lm involved in..l.brought up something l wasnt jappy with and a woman there looked at me pityingly and said ..are you going through the menopause?.. l was livid as it was saying my question wasnt genuine just the ravings of an irrational woman.

Original poster

nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice · 23/03/2017 00:07

I told him to relocate to the shed while me and dd watch chick flicks and munch on chocolate. He doesn't mean anything by it, he's just a bit clueless. He's really good when I am on..throw me wine and chocolate,back out of the room slowly and don't engage and arguments...it just annoys me when he assumes I'm due on just because I'm aggy

OP posts:

VestalVirgin · 23/03/2017 00:15

Are you kidding? I would have lost all credibility at work if I had started ranting and raging when "suspected" of being on my period. I found the cold and controlled fury works so much better.

OP isn't talking about a work colleague.

And, in fact, I would try to get rid of a work colleague who is such an unprofessional, misogynist piece of shit, too.

thequeenoftarts · 23/03/2017 00:36

I wonder has any man been murdered for a comment like that lol

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 23/03/2017 00:44

I always tell DH when I'm on mine so he can duck for cover
Just say "How did you know" before shooting him daggers as if you are about to eat him, every time he asks. He'll soon get clued in.

wettunwindee · 23/03/2017 07:24

at risk of sexual assault because of rules like this?

DH will sometimes give me an over-the-glasses, raised,eyebrow look when he thinks I'm on my PMS'ing and taking it out on him. I usually tell him to 'fuck off' and walk away realising he was right and that I am.

If he asks and is correct and you feel that maybe you were being unreasonable, is he still unreasonable to mention it?

Doyouwantabrew · 23/03/2017 07:30

So many stereotypes here.

Personally I have never had pmt and can say neither have my teen dds. We also don't need chocolate?

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