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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so bothered by friends ignoring my child's birthday?

48 replies

1wokeuplikethis · 22/03/2017 21:29

Bah. I know I am being pathetic but I feel annoyed at the number of friends who didn't bother getting in touch to wish my child a happy birthday. I have lots of friends with children and have their birthdays marked on the calendar and actually always send a card and a present and usually text on the day too. So am I weird and it's the norm to not bother even texting or liking a sodding Facebook post? I must just be an overbearing friend.

I know it's my child and doesn't automatically mean everyone pee's themselves with excitement for their birthday and I'm being a bit precious and everyone has busy lives with lots going on etc but these friends have kids, whom I make an effort for, and they must understand themselves that your own child's birthday is a big deal to you.

I feel pathetic. But pissed off. But pathetic. Anyway, making myself focus on the family/friends who did get in touch and the knowledge my child had a great birthday and certainly won't be saying to me 'mummy it was a wonderful day but I'm so upset your best friends didn't wish me happy birthday via your Facebook page' !!!

OP posts:

esmaesmomma · 22/03/2017 21:31

Yanbu if they are true friends they should of at least acknowledged the birthday especially best friends I would be deeply hurt by this. Happy birthday mini OP!

buckeejit · 22/03/2017 21:31

Most of my 'close’ friends don't & I have a lot going on & don't remember anyone else's child's birthday, barely remember all my own family & that's stressful enough.

If you need that sort of validation, stick a photo on Facebook

ImFuckingSpartacus · 22/03/2017 21:33

I don't have a clue when friends kids birthdays are, unless my kids are invited to their parties.
Marking everyones on a calander and sending cards and gifts to everyone is just weird. Maybe they are trying to let you know that people just don't do that?

PurpleDaisies · 22/03/2017 21:34

Between them, my close friends and family have more than thirty children under ten. It's almost impossible to keep on top of all the birthdays so I only send cards to our god children, nieces and nephews now.

I wouldn't take it too personally. Maybe you should rethink how many cards/presents you're sending.

paxillin · 22/03/2017 21:36

I don't mark my friends' kids' birthdays at all. Neither do my friends mark my kids'. I'd be very surprised if they were upset about it.

Original poster

1wokeuplikethis · 22/03/2017 21:37

I am weird?! I was worried about that, but it's so bloody sad to think that being thoughtful and acknowledging that it's special could be seen as weird. I knew that was going to be said and feared it. But still makes me feel sad.

I'm very hormonal.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 22/03/2017 21:39

Did you really announce on Facebook that it's your child's birthday? Maybe they've all blocked you.

Ginseng1 · 22/03/2017 21:40

I only send cards/presents or remember nieces & nephews. & give cards/presents to kids whose parties my kids go to. My friends kids birthdays wouldn't be on my radar at all. I'd like a Facebook post & say happy birthday if they mention it but that's it!

Aria2015 · 22/03/2017 21:41

Sorry to hear this is upsetting you. I can see how if you do it for your friends kids that this could be perceived as a snub and hurt your feelings.

I don't particularly wish happy bday to my friends children. If they put something on Fb then I'll say happy birthday. I have a rule with my friends though, no cards or gifts for kids, just to each other. As everyone starts having kids the expense would be huge to buy gifts and cards for all and mostly kids get loads anyway and poor mums can come bottom of the pile for spoiling sometimes so we like to spoil each other.

The only exceptions I make are for my god daughter and if my lo gets invited to a friends child bday party. In that case I obviously buy a gift.

Try not to let it get you down too much. Most importantly your lo's won't feel snubbed on their special day so try and just enjoy it with them.

originalbiglymavis · 22/03/2017 21:41

Of my 4 siblings one remembered DS birthday (a card) and his Christmas (a card).

It's so embarrassing in front of the in laws who spoil him rotten - even the great aunt and uncle who live in the states and (when they were alive) his great grandpa and great grandma (who never even met him as she lived the other side of the world). Even dh cousins have sent amazing gifts to him.

PurpleDaisies · 22/03/2017 21:41

I just don't think my friends' children would really care that their mum's friend wishes them happy birthday. A card and present would be pretty meaningless as well.

MrsDustyBusty · 22/03/2017 21:42

I wouldn't bother with friend's children's birthdays. I hope they won't remember mine - no risk of that, so far. It's just too much, nobody needs more obligations.

Hard enough to keep up with family birthdays...

MiddleClassProblem · 22/03/2017 21:43

Was it today? If so a post about a birthday might have been washed out with the big news event I'm afraid

Tobuyornot99 · 22/03/2017 21:44

Christ on a bike, if I were expected to remember all my friends children's birthdays and send a card and a present I'd do nothing else! And I don't expect it for mine either. Different of course if there is a party / get together in honor of the birthday, but if not then no way.
I also tend to ignore "Happy 2nd Birthday to my son Jack" posts on FB too, Jack can't read the post, he's 2, he doesn't have Facebook.

CrockedPot · 22/03/2017 21:45

If you are taking about liking or wishing happy birthday on Facebook then YABU I'm afraid. I skip through my FB feed on a regular basis and like various posts if they catch my eye - a friends childs birthday wouldn't particularly, if I'm honest, and I wouldn't give two shits about my own DCs bday being acknowledged by virtual friends; they have enough family and a few close friends that will send them a card/present. You sound massively over invested in social media, where no one really cares.

EastMidsMummy · 22/03/2017 21:45

Yes, you're being unreasonable. There's probably a bit more going on in their life than your precious little one's special day.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 22/03/2017 21:47

, but it's so bloody sad to think that being thoughtful and acknowledging that it's special could be seen as weird. I knew that was going to be said and feared it. But still makes me feel sad

Um yeah. and this reaction is weird too. It's all "I'm so thoughtful, its everyone else who is wrong, poor me".
It's very over invested. Childrens birthdays are special to them and their families, not to every single person that knows them. Getting a present in the post from a friend (and obviously not a local friend you spend a lot of time with, if you're posting stuff) and worse, knowing that this person expected to get the same back would make my heart sink. It's just one more thing to do, and find money for.

These can't even be children that you know properly, surely?

sooperdooper · 22/03/2017 21:48

Yabu, I barely keep up with close family birthdays let alone friends kids birthdays, people are busy, your child's birthday isn't their priority - doesn't mean they're not friends but not everyone has the time or inclination to prioritise friends kids birthdays :)

gamerchick · 22/03/2017 21:48

Well at least you can stop sending cards and presents

gamerchick · 22/03/2017 21:48

Well at least you can stop sending cards and presents

shineon · 22/03/2017 21:50

Delete all those dates from your calendar. Its not the norm to acknowledge with cards & presents friends kids birthday. Likewise dont expect anything for yours. I buy for my niece's & nephews. Thats all.

MorrisZapp · 22/03/2017 21:50

Kids get presents in two ways: from family members, and from party attendees.

If it isn't your family and they weren't asked to a party then sorry, you're being a bit mad.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 22/03/2017 21:53

How many friends/kids are you even talking about?

Binkybix · 22/03/2017 21:54

YABU! I actually wouldn't want presents from everyone - all that stuff!

Original poster

1wokeuplikethis · 22/03/2017 21:54

Yep. Will obviously be saving money from now on. God. I'm the minority, will reign it in.
And actually yes I did think I was being thoughtful and did think the thought would be reciprocated, but I wasn't doing it TO ensure it was done back. That's different.

Ok well, glad I asked. Off to be less weird now.

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