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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone actually find parenting 'easy'?

83 replies

MadJeffBarn · 22/03/2017 17:58

I've met several people who genuinely have no complaints. Don't mind the lack of sleep, somehow manage to get their kids to keep still in restaurants, and do activities everyday.
I on the other hand, am really struggling to keep my head above water. I live in a tiny house with two children with huge personalities. I'm abit of an introvert while kids and dh are extroverts. I like my personal space and peace and quiet but it's literally impossible here. My youngest is 2.5 and still wakes in the night and is up super early. I have a mountain of housework to do when they do eventually fall asleep. By the time I'm done I'm so exhausted I fall asleep and have no mental time to recuperate. I'm mad at my kids all the time, at least it feels that way. It's getting to the point where I don't feel cut out to be a mum, and I feel awful because it took alot for us to even have children (PCOS) and now I'm moaning and struggling to keep on top of it all!

Sorry not really an aibu but I need to vent!

OP posts:
ICancelledTheCheque · 22/03/2017 18:07

Honestly? I found parenting babies and toddlers easy and very enjoyable. I didn't much like the lack of sleep but I got used to it after a couple of weeks.

Now I have teens and pre teens it's much more challenging and stressful.

If you're struggling though, I don't think you need a thread full of people telling you how easy they find it!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/03/2017 18:09

I find it really hard. We only have one and won't be having more. It's bloody exhausting.

gluteustothemaximus · 22/03/2017 18:10

Vent away Grin

I would just say, that you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and maybe those who look like they're finding it easy, maybe aren't.

It gets easier as they get older, especially sleeping. Plus if you lower your standards on housework, that helped me!! Grin

MattBerrysHair · 22/03/2017 18:14

Hardest thing I've ever done! The baby and toddler years were so so hard as ds1 didn't sleep through until he was 5. I have ASD which was undiagnosed and the utter relentlessness of parenting just broke me. Things are so much better now they're primary aged and I can get some down time.

Xmasfairy86 · 22/03/2017 18:15

I hate it 🤣🤣 if I'd have known how physically and mentally demanding it was gunna be I don't think I would have bothered!!

MatildaTheCat · 22/03/2017 18:16

Sometimes. Mostly when they were sleeping. Smile

A lot of parenting is just a slog with some lovely moments thrown in for good luck. Can you break things down to identify areas to work on to make life a bit easier? Sleep, for example. Getting a few solid hours alone in the house sometimes? A few hours help in the house? Sharing chores and childcare more evenly? Getting yourself out alone sometimes? Any of these might give you a breather.

purplecoathanger · 22/03/2017 18:17

If you do it properly, it's the hardest job in the world.

ThursdayLastWeek · 22/03/2017 18:18

Fuck no. Never easy.

Fun though Grin

Fortybingowings · 22/03/2017 18:18

It's bloody hard. Don't make it harder for yourself by hanging out with the yummy uber mummies. You know the type. It's all smoke and mirrors. They're at home screaming at their kids and feeding them quavers, like the rest of us

brasty · 22/03/2017 18:18

A friend seemed to have a very easy baby that slept a lot. She used to phone me up bored, saying she did not have enough to do. She always looked amazed if anyone said looking after a baby was hard.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 22/03/2017 18:19

Bloody hell, it's not easy. Enjoyable and amazing at times yes, but not easy. Mostly easier as they are getting older (mine are 6 and 4). What on earth is the secret if you do find it easy?!

gluteustothemaximus · 22/03/2017 18:21

They're at home screaming at their kids and feeding them quavers, like the rest of us
GrinGrin

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/03/2017 18:21

Yes I do much of the time

The most difficult thing for me is the pressure providing a home, pay bills etc as I am on my own it feels very heavy at times

But the parenting is the easy part but I am aware I have an easy child to deal with though he has his moments

HazelBite · 22/03/2017 18:24

I have 4 boys, now all adults, and I'm still parenting them to a certain extent.
They all have had their really difficult phases, each one of them has given me reasons to pull my hair out, and think that I am a truly inadequate parent.
I wouldn't be without them.

The" problems" come and go in phases. I promise you that the bad times have to be very bad for them not to slip into the back of your mind.

Crumbs1 · 22/03/2017 18:38

Varied enormously from day to day, hour to hour. I think a lot depends on circumstances and clearly it's going to be easier when there is more disposable income, more support from spouse, partner, extended family and friends and where there are no significant health issues for parents or children.
There were many (the majority) where it was the very best thing in the world, when six beautiful, blonde little ones were all singing Barney songs or dozing in the car after a day at the beach. When four curly heads were sleeping peacefully, smelling of baby powder with their cheeks all warm and rosy. There were the memorable times when a new kitten arrived, when exam results were opened, when university offers poured in. Times when they dressed for school balls and looked both very young and very old at the same time. Heaven on earth!

Then there are the other times when you sit beside an unconscious child in an emergency department, when you're trying to juggle three vomiting children whilst pregnant with twins, the times the money runs out at the end of the month just as the school shoes fall apart. The time your husband is brave/stupid enough to ask why the washing hasn't been done, the time you leave your child in a strange hall of residence, when you go into labour and nobody answers their phone. It's tough sometimes but theses days pass and are definitely the minority.

Oldbrownowl · 22/03/2017 18:47

Nope not easy. It swings in roundabouts, first 4 months were hell, ds screamed for 3 hours every evening for no apparent reason then suddenly stopped and he became easier, toddler years are a mixed bag. Some weeks he's been an angel others a demon. Depends how tired I am to how much I can deal with it. He has asthma so some weeks are spent worrying about his chest. It's all highs and lows but at the moment thank God we seem to be on a high point

littleducks · 22/03/2017 18:52

Babies were easy peasy...caray them round in sling, bf and change nappies done.

Pre-teen dd is another story

Everyone finds different stages easier/harder. I don't think anyone sails through it all.

londonrach · 22/03/2017 18:54

Yes i did until i needed to wean, now im struggling. Newborn stage vvvvvv easy and lovely if you get sleep. Tbh the baby stage isnt hard..feed, nappy, sleep, entertain, hug... however if you dont get the sleep.......

Elvisrocks · 22/03/2017 19:00

I found baby and toddler stage very hard and not all that rewarding. Mine are 4 and 6 now and it's much easier and far more enjoyable. Hang on in there!

Elvisrocks · 22/03/2017 19:02

I should add - I had fairly difficult babies and toddlers. The people who find it easy probably didn't have toddlers who thought nothing of tantrumming for two solid hours while in public and spending days on end whinging. I can't believe anyone would find that easy to deal with!

happypoobum · 22/03/2017 19:04

I found babies and tantruming toddlers pretty easy to deal with tbh. I sailed through the early years.

Teenagers on the other hand................................Nearly broke me.

Ellisandra · 22/03/2017 19:07

I have found it easy so far, 8 years in.

I have one child, who has a relaxed temperament, is sweet natured and is enthusiastic about everything - so easy to motivate on homework type things.

Having one has plenty of downsides: "mummy can you play with me?" looking sad really rips my heart out. But the upside is I'm never doing that bloody awful non stop refereeing that friends do! That said, they also get to see lovely sibling moments. On balance I'd rather a second had been possible for me - but it has made parenting easier in some ways to have one.,

She didn't sleep through the night until she was 4, but I just pressed on through - easier when you have one.

I'm very lucky that we're a good 'fit' for each other.
I'm also very lucky that I work in a well paid job so I can afford to do the kind of entertainment that she likes and I like (swimming lessons, days out). That helps. Also helps that I'm not a SAHM - I'm better for that, I think.

I'm not smug... it's been lovely so far but I'm sure my difficult times are on their way!

I think the hardest thing so far has been the guilt about divorce, worrying that it will cause her long lasting emotional issues. The day to day parenting is easy - but the sense of responsibility is not.

Mcchickenbb41 · 22/03/2017 19:08

I'm so glad pp have said what I wanted to say. Babies / toddlers although energy drainers was easy street compared to teenage years. And I speak as someone who has an adult dc a preteen and a pre schooler ! Although I will add that you defiantly have a lot less time to yourself when they are little. Things will get easier in that respect op

Mcchickenbb41 · 22/03/2017 19:11

I got a bloody eye roll today for asking my 12 yo to charge her phone ! At Least my 3 yo doesn't eye roll me ...... yet

Blinkyblink · 22/03/2017 19:11

Not easy. But not exactly the bone grinding hardship that some mumsnetters convey. This idea that all of us are "screaming and feeding our children quavers", if just not something that I relate to. Oh yes, I get cross and have shouty days and sometimes think sod it when it comes to dinner and junk, but on the main, I'm happy and the children are well behaved and happy.