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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone actually find parenting 'easy'?

83 replies

MadJeffBarn · 22/03/2017 17:58

I've met several people who genuinely have no complaints. Don't mind the lack of sleep, somehow manage to get their kids to keep still in restaurants, and do activities everyday.
I on the other hand, am really struggling to keep my head above water. I live in a tiny house with two children with huge personalities. I'm abit of an introvert while kids and dh are extroverts. I like my personal space and peace and quiet but it's literally impossible here. My youngest is 2.5 and still wakes in the night and is up super early. I have a mountain of housework to do when they do eventually fall asleep. By the time I'm done I'm so exhausted I fall asleep and have no mental time to recuperate. I'm mad at my kids all the time, at least it feels that way. It's getting to the point where I don't feel cut out to be a mum, and I feel awful because it took alot for us to even have children (PCOS) and now I'm moaning and struggling to keep on top of it all!

Sorry not really an aibu but I need to vent!

OP posts:
leccybill · 22/03/2017 19:12

I have one. She's 7 and it's been a breeze. She slept through early, has been in good health throughout and is bright, cheery and well-behaved. It's been a pleasure. Wish I could have had more though, regardless of what they were like Sad

luckylucky24 · 22/03/2017 19:12

When I had just DS I found it easy. He was an easy baby and a pleasant toddler. He is now 4 and getting a bit lippy and is quite boisterous and in need of entertaining a lot. I also now have 18m DD to add to the mix and am exhausted! I just spent a "mothers day tea party" chasing her as she tried to escape whilst my eldest ran around with his friends.

Not easy. Constantly tired! Ready for bed already!

NotYoda · 22/03/2017 19:14

No. I found it unrelenting at times and did not cope well with sleep deprivation. I found that I was often thinking "I don't know what I'm doing" in the early baby bits and parts of the toddler bit.

But I've found it easier and easier as mine have got older. I feel the work I put in when they were little has paid off now they are teens

consciencemakescowards · 22/03/2017 19:19

Mine are honestly not much trouble unless and until they have to DO anything such as get dressed quickly, leave the house, find belongings, do homework etc.

If they never had to go out or be educated it wouldn't be too stressful.

enchantmentandlove · 22/03/2017 19:22

My dd is only 9 months, so I certainly don't have all the experience as a mum many others here do - but so far I found it hard and first, but now pretty easy. Dd was lovely but very fussy for the first few months, but as she's gotten older I've been finding it pretty easy.

BUT...She is my only baby, I'm a sahp (which I know some find harder, but I personally think I'd find being a working parent harder), and she's fairly easy now with a lovely, cheeky personality. I'm sure that in the future there will be times I find it really hard.

FumBluff1 · 22/03/2017 19:23

People who find it easy aren't doing it properly!

I found under 5 very difficult, life is easier now they are 9 & 7

GinIsIn · 22/03/2017 19:26

My baby is 4 weeks old and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Gatehouse77 · 22/03/2017 19:26

Peaks and troughs here. Some parts I find either easy or manageable, others are harder or a struggle.

I didn't/don't have a problem with the monotony of bringing up children although am finding meal planning a bore!

The emotional roller coasters are bloody hard though.

welshmist · 22/03/2017 19:26

I found it easy in the summer when we could go out and about, in the winter when they caught bugs and were ill at the same time, that was hard, one winter we had six weeks of continual illness that did wear me down. They slept through the night one at 6 weeks the other at three months so lack of sleep was not really an issue.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/03/2017 19:29

Well I hope I am doing it properly

Confused wonders now if teaching ds to cook, clean and make his way to school alone from 5 was the correct thing to do

fourcorneredcircle · 22/03/2017 19:30

oh... I was rather looking forward to the teenage years...

Allthebubbles · 22/03/2017 19:34

I've loved it so far but I've had a lot of support, in that my husband works from home and is flexible, my sister is near by with similar aged children and we don't have money worries. Also my children have fairly calm temperaments which definitely helps. They are 3 and 6. I have no doubt that I would have a different perspective if those factors weren't in place as I need some space to myself and I'd struggle if I didn't get that.

In terms of the shouting and feeding quavers behind closed doors, of course that happens but I think the key thing is not to beat yourself up about it. I think believing that good enough affectionate parenting is really good enough is crucial. You don't have to be perfect, no one is and letting go of guilt helps.

NotYoda · 22/03/2017 19:36

fourcornered

There are regular "teenagers are OK" threads on here. Don't despair. There's lots of fun to be had with teens. A laugh, watching proper films, meeting their lovely/daft friends, them making you cups of tea and asking how your day was, and man-hugs are all great

Ellisandra · 22/03/2017 19:44

I am Hmm at the several people who say if it's easy you're not doing it properly.

50% of the reason I find it easy is because I have an easy going child who likes the things I like.

40% of the reason is circumstance - things like only having one child, being able to afford the things we like to do.

10% is actually because I do put a lot of thought into how I parent her Hmm I work hard at it.

Can't we just be supportive of each other, why do you have to make cheap shots about other not 'doing it properly'? Confused

HulahoopsAreGreat · 22/03/2017 19:45

I think people hide it well, I'm one of them. I'd never admit to finding it difficult, but that's just my personality, I keep things to myself. That being said, I don't find it dreadfully hard, I find it relentless. When people say "what's it like having kids" my answer is always relentless. I love my children more that anything but some days it's a long hard slog.....

NotYoda · 22/03/2017 19:48

I agree people hide it. I thought i was the only one struggling at baby groups etc. Only when i made proper friends with some of the same people I used to meet back then, would we admit those times were hard.

JoffreyBaratheon · 22/03/2017 19:51

5 kids. 4 of them very easy - even during the teenage years. Never a problem. I wondered whether other parents were exaggerating. One of them - a nightmare child (now teen). If I'd had him first I'd never have had any more kids.

Mcchickenbb41 · 22/03/2017 19:59

Fenella. I remember when mine were about 4 weeks it became quite hard all of a sudden. I think the lack of sleep catches up. It will get easier Flowers

Porpoiselife · 22/03/2017 20:04

Didn't find it particularly hard until age 13. Then bloody hell! feeling it now!

RebelandaStunner · 22/03/2017 20:08

Age's that I found the hardest: 14m- 2ish
12-15 years
In between those ages sometimes it was great.
Hopeful that it's not too long before it's back to me DH and the dogs tbh. No empty nest syndrome for us.

Canyouseethis · 22/03/2017 20:09

First 6 weeks = hard
6w - 12m = wonderful
1-2y = testing but still bearable
2-4y = fucking horrendous beyond words.

My 4.3yo has just levelled out and become a lot more easy going after 2 long years.

Although it is transpiring that he won't be a patch on the 2yo, who has opened a new world of pain to me.

Have just discovered I amight unexpectedly pregnant again so by the time my 2yo is through the worse I'll have another 2yo Shock

Nikitasol · 22/03/2017 20:15

Exhausted with one really hectic and physical toddler. Won't be doing that again in a hurry!

Gertrudeisgerman · 22/03/2017 20:21

First 6w - hard
2-8 months - easy
8-18 months - great
18 months to 5 - nightmare
5-10 years - okay
10-12 years - weird
13+ years - I can not even begin...

I have a 13, 9 and 5 year old. I'm skint, LP and work FT though so might be having an off day Grin

LauraMarling · 22/03/2017 20:29

You need to do more for yourself, parenting will be easier because you will feel better.

Something as simple as listening to music you like around the house all day.

Playing sleeping lions and having 1min to shut your eyes.

"Mummy's having a coffee I'll be back for one game in 10mins"

It's okay to say mummy's is busy or mummy has to put the washing away, feel free to come up with me but I'll be busy.

In the whirl of things it's easy to forget mummy's are people too.

JumpingJellybeanz · 22/03/2017 20:36

It depends entirely on the child. I have 2. Parenting DS is a pleasure. He's an absolute delight. Easy going, permanently happy, obedient child. Every parenting technique works like a dream with him.

DD, on the other hand, was an absolute fucking nightmare. Nothing worked. She did what she wanted, when she wanted and didn't give a hoot about any consequences. She's in her 20s now and admits herself that I deserve a medal for parenting her.

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