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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is child abuse

190 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 22/03/2017 16:42

Warning as this is controversial.
Someone who I know (will try to keep it vague so I wouldn't out myself) has a child who recently ended up in a&e for passing out. This is the 4th time this happened in last 2 weeks but the child has had a fever so has been brought in to a&e. Said child is 3year old and weighs 8.5 kilo and is strictly fed an organic vegan diet. Child attends nursery 5 mornings a week for 3 hrs a day and has lunch there. A vegetarian nursery that has been given the instructions not to give the DC any dairy.

The DC is happy to eat meat and other animal products as when I saw the child at gatherings/parties it has eaten anything with the child's mother not saying anything. But still 98% of the time the child has an extremely healthy diet. (I am very certain of this as)

When the child was brought to a&e and the doctor questioned why the DC was underweight so much the mother simply claimed the child was a fussy eater and refuses to eat. When asked what kind of diet the child has she said everything and that the child is an omnivore.

Now, this was a lie. I was gobsmacked when I heard her say it but didn't want to ask why she was lying.

So far they diagnosed the child with anemia and the child is undergoing dozens of other test to find out "why it refuses to eat". When given some food in the hospital by nurser child happily ate anything it was given.

Ainu to think it's basically child abuse? The poor child is anemic and is passing out because it's not fed properly. I wanted to tell the doctor the mother was lying but my DH said it'd be best to leave it.

I've tried talking to her before how she should be forcing a vegan diet on a child that small but her response was that "meat eaters force their kids to eat meat and other unhealthy stuff, so she can make her kids eat vegan food if she wants to".

OP posts:

Miserylovescompany2 · 22/03/2017 19:03

She blatantly lied. Her child will have copious amounts of tests because of this lie. She isn't thinking of her child's welbeing here, she is clearly deluded!

I would contact social services. They can carry out their own investigation. I you say or do nothing, you are enabling the abuse to continue.

Beachedwh4le · 22/03/2017 19:16

Child eats burgers therefore is not vegan so that's not a lie.

Given that you're so close to this family have you had no concerns until now?

I don't think there's anything to report. The medical staff aren't going to fail to notice malnutrition if that's the case.

I would be wary of thinking you know better than the mother, maybe she's a "vegan" for show and her child no more follows a vegan diet than flies, I find it more likely the veganism is a lie that she isn't prepared to peddle to medical staff when it actually matters.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/03/2017 19:22

The vast majority of three-year-olds will have their diet completely or almost completely controlled by their parents. What matters is not that this parent has chosen a particular diet, but that the child is not thriving, and she has blatantly lied to the HCPs trying to find out why.

Beachedwh4le · 22/03/2017 19:24

Have a vegan 13 & 8 year old who are thriving, and when my LO arrives in a few months he will be fed a vegan diet too. There's nothing wrong with a vegan diet for kids, certainly in my experience it hasn't damaged any of us.

originalusernamefail · 22/03/2017 19:24

8.5 kg . I have a 3 year old son with ASC. He has a very limited diet and I've been worried about his weight for a while and he's 14kg now, almost twice this poor child. I'm surprised the hospital have let them go with no follow up.

lyricaldancer · 22/03/2017 19:25

Then the mother isn't lying saying that child is an omnivore. There are so many holes in your OP you could catch fish. On your bike, OP. I'm out of patience today. Good topical post, though.

Falafelings · 22/03/2017 19:26

Vegan diets can be healthy. However the consultant needs to know. Can you tell him/her?

badabing36 · 22/03/2017 19:33

I would tactfully ask her why she lied. Surely she has been told by now that kids need protein and fat and iron? They must've given her all the leaflets at the specialists and the hospital visits?

Maybe if they knew the kid was vegan they could work specific vegan on diet plans with the parents?

It seems like a case of some one who has read some internet articles and thinks they know better than the doctors and nutritionists.

Beachedwh4le · 22/03/2017 19:37

the child isn't vegan!! They eat meat, so the mother hasn't lied

extend · 22/03/2017 19:42

Please report. Sounds like munchausens syndrome (sp?) or something similar.

lyricaldancer · 22/03/2017 19:44

Quite, beached

98% of the time the child's diet is healthy, too, you say, OP. You are close indeed, a pity you can't clarify anything at all other than a veganism isn't healthy for children post

FruitCider · 22/03/2017 19:48

YANBU to think this child is malnourished.

YAVVVVU to think the vegan diet is the sole cause. You cannot un-eat meat. The child can choose to begin eating it when they are older.

Beachedwh4le · 22/03/2017 19:49

lyrical you're probably right, 98% seems like a legitimate number, not just a figure plucked out of the sky.

I wonder how many percent vegan I'll still be if I make a steak dinner tonight 😬

greeeen · 22/03/2017 19:51

The vegan diet isn't the problem, the mother/carers are. I would definitely report this to the hospital and SS.

Kadena127 · 22/03/2017 19:57

Please tell someone OP, she's going to end up killing the poor child.

Cagliostro · 22/03/2017 20:03

Poor child. Agree not the veganism but the lying that's the main thing

DesignedForLife · 22/03/2017 20:06

Does the mother have a hidden eating disorder? Not saying that vegans do, but when I was anorexic I became vegetarian to cut out a lot of foods. Just wondering if she's got such a messed up relationship with food that she's pushing it on her kid?

Either way, if what you've described is true and you're close enough to know for sure, the kid needs help asap.

ThePiglet59 · 22/03/2017 20:09

While I find vegans to be ridiculous, and believe that forcing a child to be vegan is in fact harmful to the child, I have serious doubts about this story, and it feels made up to me.

grannytomine · 22/03/2017 20:09

So this child is having unnecessary tests, possibly painful ones like blood tests, because the mother is lying? I think that is awful for the child and is also a waste of NHS resources if the child just needs to be fed. I would report her.

lyricaldancer · 22/03/2017 20:11

Agree not the veganism but the lying that's the main thing

The child isn't vegan, she/he is an omnivore, so where is the lie? OP says diet is extremely healthy 98% of the time, it's the 2% she's concerned about.

Honestly

witsender · 22/03/2017 20:14

A 3 yr old at 8.5kg? Seriously? My son was 4.5kg when he was born.

Beachedwh4le · 22/03/2017 20:21

I don't think, given that the child eats Meat that the mother is forcing veganism on them...

1horatio · 22/03/2017 20:26

Btw....vegetarian nursery and the child is dairy free.

But therefore still eats things containing eggs and honey? And had hamburgers? That's not vegan at all.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 22/03/2017 20:26

8.5kg is 1.33 stone. I find it difficult to believe a 3 year old would weigh this and it hasn't been flagged up before they started passing out. Plus you have given the child's age and weight plus the fact it's having tests in hospital and the mother has lied about vegainsm, oh and you were there, but stating your relationship would out you. Unless it was some sort of mass appointment with a room full of people, I'd say the supposed details have already outed you.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 22/03/2017 20:29

Actually I have just been looking at some figures as I was starved as a child (deliberately) and was very underweight. At 4 I didn't weigh much more than this child (if they exist) so I guess it is possible.

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