To get a gift for MIL?

[Saxa]

Ok, not really MIL, but my partner's mum. We've lived together for 6 months.

DP doesn't bother getting his mum anything for mother's day. That's his choice and I'm sure she is used to the arrangement and doesn't expect anything. They have a good relationship but DP doesn't really buy into all the commercial "hallmark holidays".

Since moving in with DP and away from my support network, 'PIL' have helped me with childcare, car trouble, make us lovely meals every sunday, and are just generally wonderful.

I don't go daft on my own mum for mother's day either, just a bunch of flowers and a card, sometimes we go for lunch.

Would it be odd if I gave DPs mum some flowers too? Maybe without a card if that might be a bit much?

I think that would be lovely, I'm sure she'd really appreciate it.

I think its a lovely idea, especially as she has helped you so much. Maybe just a little thank you note, rather than a Mothers Day card though as DP doesn't normally get anything.

Lovely idea.

I think that would be a lovely gesture. As long as your DP won't object. Can't see why he would, but since he doesn't "do" Mothers Day it would be best to run it by him.

And if he does object, save the gift until the day after Mothers Day and give it with a thank-you card!

Get a card from son and partner? And yes to the flowers, am sure she'll appreciate it

Yes, do it. She will appreciate it especially if she's not used to the concept.

Good lord no, don't get a card from son and partner.

If they want to send cards, that's entirely up to them.

This is from the OP.

I wouldn't want to get a card at all, I'd feel it would look undermining to DP since he doesn't usually bother and putting just my name would be strange.

If I got a thankyou card I'd want to get something for his dad too, since they both help.

I'm probably overthinking it, I just want to show her that I appreciate how welcome she's made me feel in her family and mother's day seemed like a nice time to do it?

Flowers sound like a lovely idea - I wouldn't bother with an additional card personally as the flowers usually come with their own little card.

It is easy to sneer at things like mother's day, but it is so wonderful when someone takes the trouble to acknowledge and thank you. I bet your MIL will be thrilled and touched.

Really lovely idea.

I always do a card and small present from DD to MIL. DH says she's his mother not DD's so why should he, but MIL really appreciates it.

One of those flossy little mother's day baskets of flowers or a bouquet of flowers for mother's day from you would be a lovely gift. No card or other sentiment necessary. I reckon she'll be really touched. You win the my kindness badge today OP .

DH once bought my mother a present off his own back (a scarf) for Mother's Day and she was probably more touched by that than anything I ever gave her

We have been together a long time though and he is very fond of her plus recognises she is a very good grandmother to his DC. She genuinely has been more of a mother to him over the years than his own mother who he no longer has contact with, it's a sad situation.

I think in your position it's a lovely gesture but I wouldn't give her a Mother card as that might be too much if you have only been living together for six months

Thanks all, seems it's an ok idea. I'm sure she will appreciate it but I have a tendancy to overthink just about everything

I'll get her a bunch of flowers and maybe a pretty cake or something!

Actually, I think a little blank card which you can write "Thanks for all your help and support" or something like that might be quite nice.

What about the fil? Hasn't he helped too? The present (flowers) seem to be aimed at the mum?

Lovely idea

On Mothers' Day? She's not your mum. My DH would not want me to do this for his mum. He doesn't do cards and hates the commercialisation of letting your parents know how much they're appreciated. He'd walk over hot coals for his mum, but refuses to be told a particular day to do so.

No, Cherry, she's not my mum but since I moved away from my own parents she has been as supportive to me as my own mum has, even though I've not been with her son for that long.

I wasn't able to afford a gift or any gesture of thanks at the times when she helped me out, so I thought this would be a good time to show her I appreciate all of it.

I would of course be doing the same for his dad on father's day.

Maybe it isn't a good idea after all, I don't want her to think I'm being too forward and involving DP in something he doesn't usually bother with. DP isn't fussed though.

Mothering Sunday is not a "Hallmark holiday". It has a long and established tradition in the church, hence it falls when it falls in the year, not on the US holiday later in the year.

Either way, it's a nice opportunity to note people who behave like mothers towards us, and on that basis I think it would be lovely to acknowledge your not-quite-mil. It would also be a good idea to encourage your dp to show his appreciation for her and get him trained up in case he should ever need to get Mothering Sunday gifts for you!

All you're doing is showing appreciation. Who cares if the reason is because of a "Hallmark holiday". It's a good excuse to show her what she means to you.

saxa stop over thinking it, and ignore the odd misery who is trying to put you off! It's a lovely idea, you're not overstepping the mark at all, you're simply showing your appreciation for all they do for you, and I'm sure she will be absolutely delighted! Xx

Do it. It's a lovely idea and it sure she will be chuffed. It's a great thought.

I give my step mum a bunch of flowers, I think it's a nice gesture to acknowledge someone's role in your life without giving a card, which I only give to my mum