To think censorship of birth stories should not be allowed?

[NunntheWiser]

I love Standard Issue magazine, I really do. Earlier this week, Milli Hill was published in the Telegraph extolling the virtues of a natural birth and "imaginary pain" guff guff guff. All well and good.

The excellently sweary Cath Janes wrote an opinion piece about this - about how her own experiences of birth were very, very different to this, and whilst it's not right to scare women, it's unfair to expect them not to be honest about their birth experience.

Hill complained about this opinion piece and has forced Standard Issue to withdraw Janes' article, against the author's wishes. Now, I don't know if the fault lies with Standard Issue for not backing up their author, or if it's Hill threatening some legal recourse to the magazine but since when do women's opinions get censored?

In the meantime, Janes' sweary article can only be found using Google Cache: webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache%3An6IV7Qmr9GcJ%3Astandardissuemagazine.com%2Fvoices%2Fbirth-muthas%2F%20&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

IT is good to hear others stories. The recognition that there can be trauma, in all types of birth is important.
I was terrified going into my second labour as I'd been told that what id experienced wasn't traumatic somehow, (who are they to judge?,) and I should have another CS "to avoid the trauma" like no one listens?

I do wonder how people with traumatic first births get the courage to have another. We want two children but whenever I think about the actual process of pregnancy and birth and the awful aftermath, not to me on even ttc as it still hurts to have sex, I just feel terrified.

*not to mention

This is a brilliant piece written by Kim Thomas, a journalist who has written in response to Milli Hill's Telegraph piece. It explains exactly why the 'think positively' messages have been received with such upset. birthtraumas.wordpress.com/

It is difficult starling . I found it very difficult. I think it helps to talk it through, many times.
I also found talking to women that had had relatively straightforward births strangely helpful. It made me realise that it could possibly be different.

Starling it took me eight years.
I then acted like an ostrich throughout the pregnancy (except for very vivid dreams). I told myself the following based on what others told me:
Second births are easier
Second births are quicker
That turned out in my case to be false.
My second was just as long and ended up in ventouse (sunction sink plunger) again.
My third was unplanned. My DH did the pregnancy test with a beaker of my wee and when he told me it was positive I burst into tears.
I then started rereading...and this is where my hurt comes from.
I read that epidurals can cause the interventions. I read that panic/adrenaline/fear can slow down labour. I read a hypnobirthing book and convinced myself I just needed to get through transition and I would feel the urge to push.
I never had the urge to push with any of my three. With the third I stayed at home for five hours after the first twinge. I took a tram to hospital and waddled in. I was already 5cm and then spent the next five hours in between being monitored bouncing on a ball.
I insisted on having an enema in the thought that if rectum completely empty it would make it easier somehow to push.
Where I live now (non UK) there is no gas and air or pethadine. I had already decided against an epidural (having convinced myself the first two ventouses were my fault and I just hadn't got through transition).
Huge. Mistake. Huge.

A friend had had an elective and poor recovery. She felt like a washing machine with hands fumbling inside her. My mum, when she had her tubes tied, said she felt like she had been kicked by a horse and was very slow to recover (she is very stoic with pain. Had 3 kids on gas and air).
So I am not sure how well I would have coped with an elective. I will never know. What I do know, however, is that for me giving birth "naturally" the third time, without even a fucking paracetomol, was barbaric.
I regret it. I suffered from it for a long, long time. If I had a I would have had an elective. I might still be in the same position now and had a rough time of it like pp here. But better to regret something you do than something you don't and sadly, one death you must die.

So to the natural birth advocates I do say:
Not all subsequent births are quicker
Not all subsequent births are easier
Bodies do not automatically know what to do
Not all women have an urge to push
Pain relief even with a cascade of interventions is still better than the alternative for women with a low pain threshold

Oh, and my vagina was never a bud opening, sorry about that.

I don't think you forget a traumatic birth. I can say a huge age gap between kids also has its challenges.
I would suggest anyone wanting another child but being scared to has counselling and considers their options (sticking with one and ignoring all the "aw poor only child" bollocks because it is bollocks. Fighting for a c section and hoping you are one of the lucky ones where the trauma is less. Having a VB and hoping it is different. Adopting/fostering).
If I were to end up pregnant again (never going to happen) I would choose a c section. But only because I now believe birth is pot luck/roll of the dice and given my three have all been traumatic, I could not put my faith in it being different next time round/the "healing" birth twaddle.
If it is a kick in the arse or a kick in the cunt and I'm going to get kicked regardless, I would now choose the method of torture.

I meant to end on a positive note.
Here it is.
I do make beautiful babies.

When I gave birth to my daughter 10 years ago, it was a 3 day labour, resulting in her heart rate dropping, and needing medical intervention to help get her out. I was cut down below, and it was infected, plus she did not take to breastfeeding so a very difficult time. Yes soon after birth, having a finger poked up your bum to check for holes, was not pleasant. It was a very painful and prolonged labour, non of the positive airy fairy images created by some.

Women need to be empowered, not treated like idiots, that means providing all the information about birth, including when yes it goes wrong, or not according to plan. My friend is pregnant, and I have provided her with my own birth stories, including the immense pain when the baby comes out (felt like passing barbed wire through your fanjo), she wants to have the full information, not just the rose tinted version. You cannot predict what can happen.

Starling Reading this thread hasn't been great

I've had that a bit with this thread. I try to avoid birth stories but also feel compelled to read them, then talk about mine then start reliving bits of it. I guess it's better than the first two years where if I talked about it I would not get any sleep that night as I relived the whole thing over and over all night

Thanks for posting the Birthtraumas link, Cath. That piece very eloquently expresses what many of us here have been trying (inexpertly, in my case at least) to say.

It's the minimising of a profound, life-changing trauma that is so upsetting and infuriating. It's the implication that if a birth is not peaceful and empowering, it's because the mother-to-be didn't have the right support or knowledge. It's patronising and insulting to those of us who armed ourselves with all the information and preparation we could...and still had horrible birth experiences.

Thank you all for contributing, very interesting thread.

Even before being pregnant I knew I wanted a CS. Luckily I got pregnant with twins so the consultant insisted on ELCS, all good.
That was until the NCT classes. They made VB sound so easy and natural that I changed my mind. Oh and we had to do this role play scene of a CS birth do show how stresfull it would be (you are the pg lady, you have an IV here, this is the surgeon, you two are nurses, and usually there is a student watching...)
Luckily my DT were breach so I reluctantly accepted the ELCS. Went really well, and I don't feel I missed out on anything re burth experience, bonding...

IT goes to show that there is such a spectrum, of needs and experiences.

I'm not awfully sure preparation is that helpful actually, no one can tell you what is going to happen, or how it will feel, for you. On the outside two situations may look identical but the women feel it differently.