Who is in the wrong?

[lucee12]

Who is in the wrong?
My grandad is very ill, he has cancer and is now in a hospice with not long left to live. My cousin has asked him if she could have some of his ashes to have made into a necklace, my grandad said yes and wrote it down on paper "x is to have some of my ashes for a necklace". I've told him that I wouldn't like him split up, and to reconsider so I think he is. I also think she is selfish to even ask him. But now I'm getting called selfish for getting him to reconsider.

Send them this link. Why should their wishes overrule yours?

Vultures going through the house now 😡

If it helps any you can also do this process with a lock of hair but yes your cousin is selfish and only out for herself.

This is a reverse, I just thought that was a fairer way of explaining the situation.

Reverses dont work like that if your cousin actually posted this it could include all sorts on details that you dont know or haven't included through choice.

That could sway opinion either way.

Just don't say anything else to him about it. Save the argument about his ashes until after he's actually dead.

I think YAbothBU - the ashes necklace thing is really a bit grim I think. Your grandad is a person and shouldn't be worn like a souvenir, and certainly shouldn't be bickered over like silverware or furniture, and it's up to your grandad what he wants his ashes to be used for.

Reverse threads are very annoying

YABVU She asked, he said it was fine. It was his choice to make. All you have done is made it all about you and made his last days harder by asking him to choose whose wishes to respect when the reality is HE is the one who gets to decide if your cousins request is fine. Her request has nothing to do with you.

I understand that it is a request that doesn't sit right with everyone and I really do get that but it isn't your choice to make. Please try and understand how you've now put him in a really difficult position because he's going to feel like he is upsetting people. That's the last thing he needs right now.

Blimey you are massively in the wrong.

Ok reverse thread. Then you are in the right but reverse threads are annoying.

Youre both in the wrong. Who asks dying relatives things like this?!

You asked for a portion of his ashes before he's even dead?

My uncle was talking about where he'd like his ashes scattered and we were almost having a joke about it, I went inside and told my grandad what was said, then said I'd like some of yours for a necklace or bracelet so you'd be with me forever, he replied I'll always be with you forever and that I could have some, he then wrote it down on paper in case anyone said anything.

I do think it's in pretty bad taste to be discussing distributing his stuff before he's even gone...

I think you're all a bunch of entitled twats. Asking a dying old relative for their ashes? Ffs, it doesn't get much more crass than that does it. Disgusting thread, and I can't believe people like you exist.

You are all disturbingly creepy.

Well I had a chat with my colleagues who provide counselling to people with terminal illness and their carers/family members and we decided not to change our guidance on difficult conversations about end of life. So we wont be adding how to discuss with someone who just got a terminal diagnosis how to give permission to be made into jewellery. Since there are a few more sensitive issues to deal with and our main focus being the preferences of those who are dying. In our experience, no one who has had that diagnosis ever expressed a preference for how their ashes would be turned into keep sakes/jewellery. Just saying. But we only counsel 15,000 - 20,000 people a year!

Creepy af

Are you actually being serious it's his body and his ashes you get no say in it learn how to respect his wishes he has agreed to let your cousin have some of his ashes for a necklace deal with it you sound extremely pathetic and childish asking him to change his mind about what happens with his OWN BODY.

I think it's hideous to be talking to a sick old man about his ashes at all. If someone did that to me my response would be unprintable, even on here.

This is the worst post I have seen on MN. It makes me shudder in disgust.