Who is in the wrong?

[lucee12]

Who is in the wrong?
My grandad is very ill, he has cancer and is now in a hospice with not long left to live. My cousin has asked him if she could have some of his ashes to have made into a necklace, my grandad said yes and wrote it down on paper "x is to have some of my ashes for a necklace". I've told him that I wouldn't like him split up, and to reconsider so I think he is. I also think she is selfish to even ask him. But now I'm getting called selfish for getting him to reconsider.

yabu its his body not him himself. Its also his choice.

Wow. You are being incredibly unreasonable and selfish. Awful behaviour. Have a word with yourself.

Presumably he is also your cousin's grandfather? And now you're asking him to play grandchild top trumps?

Classy.

How do you know he wasn't thrilled that your cousin thought so much of him that she wanted to keep some of him forever?

Did you join MN just to post that, or are you a namechanger?

I think that it was odd of the cousin to ask tbh.

But having done that & the GF agreed, I can't believe that Op has effectively disagreed with someone about a decision that they have made about their own ashes!

Op do you think that your cousin coerced your GF somehow?

I also don't get what the big problem is if he'd agreed to it?

Personally I think putting ashes into jewellery is a gruesome idea but it's your cousin's choice. Your GF has agreed, I'm having difficulty seeing what business it is of yours and think you should have a hard think about how your GF feels about your interference.

I think it's disgraceful of you to put a dying man under any kind of pressure to retract something he did willingly. I can understand your family's reaction.

The poor bugger hasn't even died yet and you are arguing over his body. Get a grip of yourself and apologise.

Concentrate on enjoying the time you have left with your grandfather, OP, and let this go - you don't want your last memories of him to be clouded by a disagreement.

YABVU

I'm shocked that you would make an issue of this - his body, his choice!

I can't believe you asked him after he'd already given his permission.

The only unreasonable one in this is you OP!

The poor bugger hasn't even died yet and you are arguing over his body. Get a grip of yourself and apologise

This. My mum is dying and I'm sick fed up of people making it about them and how they feel. It's about my mum and dad first and foremost, the rest of us need to follow their lead.

YABU OP. His body,he can decide what happens to his ashes.

Another vote for YABU.

It's totally up to him. You're wrong to put pressure on him.

Yabvu
Once he had agreed it was not your place to make him feel bad about his decision because you feel uncomfortable. I agree it's an odd request but he was fine so you should have supported his decision.

Who do you think you are? How awful. YABVU. I hope your cousin manages to get a part of HER grandad into a necklace. It's a beautiful idea and she has gone totally through the right channels to do so by going through him. It's his choice to make and not yours.

YABU, I can understand why as it's hard to think of his ashes being in different places but his wishes are the important ones.

Yep totally VVU.

They are not YOUR ashes, they are HIS to do with what he likes, he can chuck them off a cliff for all that it has to do with you.

Sorry you are being incredibly selfish, why should your wishes come before anyone elses?

Apologise and tell your GD you were being silly and its fine you will honour his wishes.

You are completely in the wrong.

YABincrediblyU. My mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly in October. She had once mentioned that she would like to be cremated and scattered in a specific place. Her sister hates the idea of cremation yet she followed my mum's wishes. As for scattering, the majority of her is scattered in the place she mentioned, whilst some small parts of her are all over the country with different family members (including myself). I know she would be happy with our decisions as we have also honoured her wishes.

You need to apologise to your poor grandfather, as this would probably have caused so much unnecessary upset in his last few days. He's happy with your cousin's request, so what's the harm in it?

There's a surprising amount of ashes made when a person is cremated, you won't notice a very small amount going towards a necklace. Have a think OP

You've behaved badly, as has your cousin. I'm sure the last thing your Grandad wants is to be worrying about what will happen when he dies ffs. Enjoy and cherish the time you have with him.

Why does your wishes trump that of your cousin?

Your grandad had no problems with it.

You should apologise immediately, your poor grandfather.

I understand that there are certain conversations that need to be had with a loved one that knows they are going to die.

But this is not one of them.

Did it occur to you that perhaps your poor grandfather had actually felt comforted by knowing that your cousin wanted to keep some of him near to her after his death? That it was possibly comforting to both of them?

You need to apologise profusely to both of them. You put a dying man in a horrible position.