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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel jealous over everything

90 replies

TinyMacBar4 · 21/03/2017 14:00

Okay I know I am being U but how do I stop it?
Whenever a friend announces they are trying for a baby I get a sickly jealous feeling. I never had the excitement of trying, to be blunt I just opened my legs and it happened. Within a month of meeting the guy. The same happened with my ex, pregnant within a month.
Now I'm engaged to my new bloke and I hate others announcing their engagement because everyone looks so happy for them but most of our family don't even know, we've not been together a year so didn't want the embarrassing comments from family of 'it's too soon' I just feel like my life is a sham

OP posts:

sonyaya · 21/03/2017 14:01

I don't want to be harsh but you are being totally unreasonable.

Announce your engagement and celebrate. Be thankful you never knew the pain of struggling to coneceive.

Your life isn't a sham -it sounds fab so enjoy it!

monkey1978 · 21/03/2017 14:08

As someone who is currently struggling to conceive I find your post very unreasnoble

xStefx · 21/03/2017 14:10

Yes , Im struggling to conceive too after 2 miscarriages. Why don't you start counting your blessings instead?

Congratulations on your engagement

Toobloodytired · 21/03/2017 14:12

Every one has their own story!

Op wanted it to happen in a way that made her feel happy!

You can't start throwing in "as someone who is struggling to conceive".

I struggle with losing weight yet my friend is struggling to put on weight, is she allowed to have a pop because I should be grateful putting more than 1 cake in my face makes me fucking fat?? No.

Give op a break, we all have a right to want things a certain way!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 21/03/2017 14:13

As someone finally pregnant after 3+ years and 3 rounds of v expensive IVF, I think YABVU!

Why must you compare everything you have (even happy things like having babies and getting engaged) to other people?

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 21/03/2017 14:13

What does the ttc bit matter? A baby is the aim wether you have trying excitement & love shagging swinging from the chandeliers or not. The baby is the only bit that matters regardless of how quick you conceive

If your not happy being engaged and keeping it a secret and don't want people to say it's too soon ummm maybe you aren't ready to be engaged? Or grow up announce it if you really believe his the right man for you and let people say why they say

Yes yabu

Isthismummy · 21/03/2017 14:14

You are being vvv unreasonable op.

Just announce your engagement ffs. Anyone who isn't happy for you can bugger off.

Frankly I find your complaint about conceiving easily offensive. We've just had our NHS ivf withdrawn at the final minute due to bad results on my final blood test. The pain of infertility is beyond horrendous. Spare a thought for the many women out there who wish more than anything they could just open their legs and get pregnant.

KayTee87 · 21/03/2017 14:15

You're complaining about conceiving easily and being engaged?! In the nicest possible way op, get a grip.

Toobloodytired · 21/03/2017 14:15

And!! As someone who fell pregnant in the same way as op with a sister who's had 3 miscarriages, I am still entitled to be upset that although I'm having a baby, it isn't the way I imagined I.E not with the father.

Too much of "well I've got the flu" when someone says they've got a cold

"I've got a tumour" when someone announces they have a headache

Let op feel her own way about things.

Just because someone wins the lottery doesn't mean their whole life has to suddenly be happy!

Isthismummy · 21/03/2017 14:15

And there's NOTHING thrilling about ttc after a few months anyway. It's just stress, monthly let downs and takes all the joy out of your sex life.

Count your blessings.

Introvertedbuthappy · 21/03/2017 14:16

I don't understand the jealousy of people TTC, surely you had that but got the end product quicker? Try and be happy with your lot, they were determined by your own choices after all!

PurplePen · 21/03/2017 14:16

Yes I've got pregnant twice, to two men, "within a month of meeting the guy".

Now you're engaged after less than a year to a third man?

You're deeply unhappy aren't you?

I don't know what you're looking for but rushing into relationships and comparing yourself to others won't help.

welshmist · 21/03/2017 14:16

As someone with a sister who conceived straightaway and another that never did get pregnant be glad that you can conceive quickly and naturally. The grief when it does not happen never goes away.

Isthismummy · 21/03/2017 14:18

That's a good observation actually PurplePen

Pinkheart5915 · 21/03/2017 14:18

The ttc bit really doesn't matter, I'm don't even know what you mean my ttc excitement tbh. I came off the pill and yes did feel excitement as I knew I could possibly get pregnant but that was it
the only aim is to have a baby and you got that, you got to be pregnant and have the love of a newborn.

With your engagement well if this man really is the one for you and you can't imagine being without him, announce the engagement, turn that sour face in to a happy one, let people say whatever they want as if he is right for you in time your prove them wrong anyway

I do think yabu

SorrelSoup · 21/03/2017 14:18

Okay I know I am being U but how do I stop it?

But this is what the op said. She knows.

OhTheRoses · 21/03/2017 14:19

Who announces they are trying to conceive. OP I remember friends ringing to tell me happy news (when people rang). I was thrilled for them, always. My tears were for me and my inability to hang onto pregnancies. The awkwardness after losses at 17 and 27 weeks was much harder to bear.

I think it's sad if you haven't planned your babies and you regret that but mainly I'm not sure what you are jealous of.

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 14:20

What is it you want op? What are you jealous of exactly? You conceived, you had children that you chose to have, you're now engaged to a man I assume you love.

So why is it a sham? What is it you're jealous of exactly?

Do you wish to plan a baby together, is that it? You wish to have been in a longer relationship? Is that it? You are not happy and dislike when others are? Is that it? It's not really clear what is bothering you exactly.

Toobloodytired · 21/03/2017 14:21

Op obviously has her own issues, like many.

Yet you are all just ripping into her.

Just because she didn't struggle trying to conceive, doesn't mean every aspect of her life has to be happy.

You lot need to chill. No offence but you not being able to conceive isn't the ops problem, same as her being able to conceive straight away.....to be honest, it's not even about that!

It's simply how quick it happened, I can't imagine she met the guy & told him she wanted to start trying for a baby straight away.

Too much of "well you should just be grateful".

Lochan · 21/03/2017 14:22

I do think you need to start counting your blessings OP.

What I took from your post was that you have two children and a man who loves you?

Have a quick look at the Relationship or Fertility boards and you should start to feel better.

Meanwhile talk to your doctor or family planning clinic about good long term contraception if you have two unexpected pregnancies.

JustSpeakSense · 21/03/2017 14:23

You need to find a way to stop comparing your life to others, when you understand why you do this it will be easier to stop it.

Everybody's life is different, what has happened easily and quickly for you won't do so for others, but they will have other blessings you don't, it's all swings and roundabouts.

Concentrate on enjoying every moment of your own life and stop looking around at what others are doing.

Finola1step · 21/03/2017 14:23

This isn't about others and what you think they have or don't have. This isn't about ttc or getting engaged. This is about your own unhappiness. PurplePen has nailed it.

FlyingElbows · 21/03/2017 14:24

I too conceived all my children without any effort and I fully appreciate how lucky that makes us. How on earth can you be jealous of the wretched misery some people endure trying to have a baby? Surely you've read their heartbreak and disappointment? In the kindest way, op, get something serious to worry about.

ChicRock · 21/03/2017 14:24

Well I can see why you feel your life is a sham.

There has been no real substance to any of the relationships you described, pregnant twice to two men within a month of meeting them. Engaged to someone else after less than a year.

You have a pretty flippant attitude to building your own family.

You want what your friends have but you're not actually willing to wait to see if the man or the relationship or the time is right.

WaitrosePigeon · 21/03/2017 14:24

You're deeply unhappy aren't you?

This

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