To feel jealous over everything

[TinyMacBar4]

Okay I know I am being U but how do I stop it?
Whenever a friend announces they are trying for a baby I get a sickly jealous feeling. I never had the excitement of trying, to be blunt I just opened my legs and it happened. Within a month of meeting the guy. The same happened with my ex, pregnant within a month.
Now I'm engaged to my new bloke and I hate others announcing their engagement because everyone looks so happy for them but most of our family don't even know, we've not been together a year so didn't want the embarrassing comments from family of 'it's too soon' I just feel like my life is a sham

[liz70]

I give you DD1 - conceived a week after stopping taking the OCP, DD2 - conceived whilst (correctly) taking the mini pill, and DD3, conceived three and a half years after vas reversal.

All arrived safely, all three well and healthy. The circumstances and timing of their conception really doesn't matter.

Oh, and unless there are fertility issues, I have never understood the need to announce that one is "trying for a baby" to all and sundry. Just get the fuck on with shagging without contraception, and tell me when you're pregnant. Nobody needs to know before then.

[Tissunnyupnorth]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

[Londonjam]

I don't know what's wrong with you but you are being very unreasonable. You're sad because you conceive too quickly???

My husband and I have been trying with no luck for over 15 months now. Its killing me. We've been referred for IVF but it's a 6-8 month waiting list.

Go away and count your lucky stars.

[TinyMacBar4]

I am very unhappy yes, if it wasn't for the fact I've got two kids I wouldn't have the strength to live
I just make a mess of everything and quite frankly I don't deserve to have two children.
I guess I feel annoyed that I've got myself into this situation, I probably will never have a decent career due to always needing to work around school hours. Or ever have enough money to afford a fancy holiday to Jamaica. I don't even know if my fiance is a good life long partner but now I feel duty bound to him because I chose to open my legs

[ChasedByBees]

If you're pregnant within a month of meeting someone, then it might suggest that your contraception needed improving. It sounds quite silly to now say that you wanted the excitement of 'trying'.

As an aside, why do you think trying is so great? It means you have a relatively normal sex life life with massive disappointment at each period. As time goes on, you might introduce thermometers and timings into your sex life. You didn't miss much.

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

What do you want your like to be like?

You say you feel like a sahm is your life, if doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it too. how old are your DC? Would you like to return to work and find yourself? Would you like to retrain?

Did you get engaged becuase you thought it would somehow magically make you happy and it hasn't? Do you love him? Does the relationship make you happy? You don't have to be engaged to anyone that you don't want

Ok so you didn't get ttc excitement what ever the hell that is, but no matter what you do you can't change that so all you can do now is focus on the fact you have lovely dc

Do you have regrets about life? Is that the issue here? Did you want the whole meet a man, fall in love, be together a long time, have a baby etc etc? Life is a bitch and rarely works out how we would hope and the majority of us have regrets

[BipBippadotta]

OP, I can understand this feeling (despite - or perhaps even because of - having had years and years of fertility issues & miscarriages). It is awful when you feel your life isn't working out the way you'd like, and you feel different from everyone else, and largely unsupported. Social media is terrible for this, as other people's happy announcements - about anything - can feel like you're being slapped about the face with your own inadequacy.

You ask how to stop feeling this way: get off social media if you can, even for a little while. Seek some counselling - there will be agencies near you that offer free or low fee support. I hope you get to feeling better.

[ChasedByBees]

Cross post.

Fancy holidays to Jamaica aren't all that. Everyone's lives are different and you'll have some things (children for one) that others could look at enviously but what does it achieve to look at what you don't have? And you're not bound to your fiancé. He should be in your child's life but he doesn't have to be in yours beyond that.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I don't even know if my fiance is a good life long partner but now I feel duty bound to him because I chose to open my legs

Why are you duty bound to him? Are you pregnant again?

You speak about yourself in such a coarse way, it makes for a sad read.

[TinyMacBar4]

I have a 3 year old and a month old baby. If I don't stay with this guy then that's means I've got 2 kids by 2 separate people and I'll be looked down on. I just want a relationship that isn't forced, that I don't get pregnant from within a month of meeting them.

[TinyMacBar4]

But bitchy this is how I see myself. I have no self worth, no self belief, no self confidence. I feel sorry for my children being stuck with me when I have nothing to offer them

[BaDumShh]

Get better contraception.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

But bitchy this is how I see myself. I have no self worth, no self belief, no self confidence. I feel sorry for my children being stuck with me when I have nothing to offer them

That much is obvious (about your lack of self esteem).

I don't really understand the logistics here: is your elder child by your ex and your younger child by your current partner?

Were you using contraceptive and it failed?

[BipBippadotta]

OP, please go to your GP and ask to be referred for counselling - you will be fast-tracked as you've got a very young baby. You shouldn't have to feel like this and it sounds like you could do with some support.

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

If your baby is 1 month old could you be suffering from pnd? Have you spoke to a gp or midwife?

2 dc by 2 differen men certainly isn't uncommon these days and as long as the children are loved that's all that matters not how many dads.

When you can do look in to contraception to protect yourself in future until you are ready to ttc

If the relationship isn't doing it for you, you do not have to stay. Nobody can make you stay in a relationship you do not want to do in. Plenty of women do it on there own every single day

[Flashinthepan]

Start making better choices now. We can all look back and regret, but the way forward is to make choices that reflect who you hope to become. Start using effective contraception so that you don't have any more children until/if you want and are ready to do so. Focus on your relationship with your fiance and make the effort to cultivate that separately from the fact that he is also your youngest child's father. If there is no relationship worth salvaging in the long run, accept that the positive that came from that is your child and move on. People may well judge, but we all make bad choices, or have unfortunate things happen, some are just more visible than others.

As you have a month old baby, have you considered that you may be suffering from post-natal depression?

[Flashinthepan]

Sorry x post re PND

[Isthismummy]

Oh op. I'm sorry I was so harsh earlier. You sound in such a bad place.

Having two children with different fathers isn't a terrible thing. It would be a terrible thing to tie yourself to another man to avoid imagined stigma.

Getting engaged after less than a year is very quick. How well do you even know this man?

You have so much to offer your children. You are their mother and their entire world. They need you more than anybody or anything.

Have you been to your gp? You sound so depressed and you need help.

[Toobloodytired]

I second coming off social media.

I came off fb last year, I don't need to see all the "happy families" whilst I'm stuck here about to become a single mother on a very low income wondering if my electric will last before I get paid!!

Should I simply be grateful for the fact my son will be here next week??

No! Because I'm scared about how il afford everything, scared he won't have everything he needs, scared I won't do a good enough job!!

Why did I decide to have a child?? Because I was in what I thought initially a loving relationship with security. We had the money between us to do this.

I shouldn't just have to love life & be grateful it took me no time at all to conceive!!

Other aspects of op's live can be less than perfect too.

Should women in the poorest parts of Africa be grateful because even though they can't afford to feed their children, they aren't having issues at actually conceiving! No that's messed up.

[GotToGetMyFingerOut]

Cool story bro

[whatssheonaboutnow]

OP it sounds as if you feel like life so far has just "happened" to you. Now you want to go back and do it again in s more "proper" or more planned style like these friends. This is what you're jealous of. TTC can be stressful for many couples.

Please stop referring to your DC as the result of you having just "opened your legs". It is disrespectful to them, to yourself and women in general actually. Obviously you did a lot more than that. You carried them for nine months, gave birth to them and you're now raising them.

Your DC are what you have brought into this world and all you will leave behind after you're gone. You are very lucky to have them and never take this for granted.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's never too late to take control of your life. It sounds like the problem is that you're not happy with your new DP, but feel trapped with him because of the baby?

[TinyMacBar4]

Yeah that's correct, eldest by my ex and newest with my fiance. I only split with my ex this time last year and by April I was with new guy
I wasn't on contraception (well if you call the planning method conteaception) I wanted a baby both times when I was having a manic mood change (used to be on medication for bi polar but stopped after becoming pregnant both times) then as soon as it happened the reality of what I done kicked in and I realised I didn't want it iyswim

[liz70]

OP, everybody deserves to be happy, and you are no exception. You do yourself down for no reason. You are just as worthy as the next person. Can you talk to your DP? Would he be understanding, do you think? Your outlook is what needs to change, really, not necessarily your circumstances.

[AyeAmarok]

Well, you have a choice.

Stay with someone who you don't really want to be with, who makes you feel so insecure and unhappy that you look at every other relationship or life event and feel jealous.

Or, call quits on the relationship that's making you miserable and work on yourself.

[Pinkheart5915]

I think you need to speak to a gp or midwife about this, as your baby is so young I do wonder if you could have pnd? Have you felt worse since the baby arrived? Or always felt this way?

You can take control of you life if you really want too

Sahm, you don't have to be if you don't want. You can go back to work, it might be easy but it can be done

Relationship your not happy in, you don't have to stay. Thousands of women do it on there own

Having 2 babies and 2 dads is nothing to be ashamed of these days it happens, life doesn't always work out and relationships do break down and then people move on.

Don't want to get pregnant within a month of meeting a man, then if you was to leave and in time meet someone new look in to contraception, really spend time getting to know each other being ttc.

Very few things in life can't be changed