To feel jealous over everything

[TinyMacBar4]

Okay I know I am being U but how do I stop it?
Whenever a friend announces they are trying for a baby I get a sickly jealous feeling. I never had the excitement of trying, to be blunt I just opened my legs and it happened. Within a month of meeting the guy. The same happened with my ex, pregnant within a month.
Now I'm engaged to my new bloke and I hate others announcing their engagement because everyone looks so happy for them but most of our family don't even know, we've not been together a year so didn't want the embarrassing comments from family of 'it's too soon' I just feel like my life is a sham

[ChicRock]

She didn't say SAHM

she said sham. Her life feels like a sham.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Would you be/able willing to get the implant, OP? That way, regardless of any mood swings and/or desire to get pregnant, you won't be able to.

I second the suggestions about going to see your GP about this.

[MissJC]

OP, I think you need to go and see your GP. With you mentioning being on meds for Bipolar and coming off them when falling pregnant, sounds like you need a gentle nudge back in the direction of feeling good about yourself again, maybe a medication review?

Feeling the way you are is nothing to be ashamed of, I have a 4 week old newborn and it can play hell with your hormones and be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

You sound like you have a good life, I bet people on fb etc look at you and wish they had some of the blessings you do.
Sometimes OP, you have to step out to look in.

Big hugs, hope you feel better soon xxx

[TheNaze73]

I know engagement's done mean that much however, could announcing yours create a good vibe for you?

[acquiescence]

Yabu. Ttc can be extremely stressful. If you don't want to get pregnant quickly use appropriate contraception until you are ready!

[acquiescence]

Yabu. Ttc can be extremely stressful. If you don't want to get pregnant quickly use appropriate contraception until you are ready!

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Yabu. Ttc can be extremely stressful. If you don't want to get pregnant quickly use appropriate contraception until you are ready!

Have you read the thread?

[MrsXx4]

I can't believe you just said you are jealous of people TTC?! YAB so VU!!! I know plenty of people that would love it to be as easy as 'opening their legs'...which is delightful btw!

The way you describe your life and your relationship makes me wonder if you just do things to conform or if you genuinely want them.

[welshmist]

Tinymac go and see your Doctor with a month old baby you are very vulnerable right now.

[TheVeryThing]

Why won't people at least read all the op's posts before posting?

I second the suggestion to see your GP and get some support. You sound so low and speak about yourself in such an awful way.
You really don't deserve to feel like this and there is help available.

There's no need to make a decision on your relationship just yet (unless you are at risk, obviously) so take some time to look after yourself, and keep posting here if you need support.

[Wdigin2this]

If you think this engagement is not worthy of celebration, it's probably because your heart's not in it. You sound like the kind of passive person that life 'just happens to'!
Have a long hard think about what you really want in life, then just do whatever it takes to achieve it!

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I would hide this thread, OP.

There are a bunch of muppets weighing in who can't be arsed to read your posts.

[TrueBlueDem]

Ok, I'm gonna bite.
OP, I get it. I do. I sometimes feel a little jealous too, even tho I never struggled to conceive. DH and I met, got pg right away and had a m/c, then got PG with DC1, eloped a year later in Vegas, and then had 3 more kids (with a couple more m/c's in between our kids). I am BEYOND grateful for our kids and the fact that we get pg easily. Sometimes I feel a little jealous of people who have many years together before getting PG, have a fancy wedding, buy a great house, then start trying and get PG and, idk, just have everything in what seems like a perfect order etc. So I get it OP.

I do want to add that my heart really goes out to those of you going through infertility, I think that would be one of the hardest things to go through. I haven't gone through that, but I've dealt with other severe heartbreak too (multiple miscarriages, father died from overdose, my 5-year-old son died in my arms). So even if we haven't struggled with IF we may have gone through equally hard, or even worse things.

[Olympiathequeen]

I think your life is like many other people's lives. Neither something to be ashamed of or particularly proud of. It's just a normal life. I don't even see why your bothered by what other people are celebrating or doing. Just live your own life. Love your children and your partner and thank heaven nothing drastic has happened to you and hope it continues that way.

i agree with others that if these are new feelings for you and post baby (or even not) see your GP.

[CircleofWillis]

OP you are in charge of your own life. You don't have to marry a man just because you have a child together and you shouldn't feel negatively about the fact that your children have different fathers. You sound as if you are probably still in your twenties if so you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do with your life. It is possible that you do have PND. As PP have said it would be a good idea to see your GP. Part of your feelings of your life being a mess and your feeling of not deserving what you have could be due to this. Lots of mothers have good careers and a fulfilling home and family life. This does not have to involve a man if you don't want it to.

[ExConstance]

"Trying" would be terrible. Even if you are lucky fairly early on waiting to conceive must be very worrying if several months or more pass.
When I became pregnant in my first month of not being on the pill for 18 years I just counted m blessings over and over again, nothing could have made me happier than not having to worry about whether I was too old or infertile.

[WhereDoesThisRoadGo]

Boo hoo, you are engaged and have two children. How do you manage to get through each day?

My point, whilst less well-made than I would care for it to be simply because I can't be bothered to try with people whose glass is as half empty as yours appears to be, is look at it from the perspective of those women who do not have children, who are not in loving relationships, and who do not have a family to judge them.

[UnmanWitteringAndZigo]

Aeschylus said "It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered."

I think he had a point - it's very human to envy.
It's also very unpleasant (for you, I mean) and can keep you in cycles of misery. You can do something about it though. I really think it's about practice, like most things. Over time, I think you can start to notice yourself having envious thoughts, and just let them go (or even laugh at them). They're just mind tricks. You could compare yourself to someone with a week to live, or whose family has died in a famine, or to Kim Kardashian, or to whoever you think has done things "right", like in your OP. No comparison is any more "right" than any other, but some will make you feel particularly shite.

Hope you feel better soon

[TinyMacBar4]

I'm not keen to get implant or coil right now not while my hormones are swimming madly, I'm still recovering from a c section and with 2 kids sex is the last thing on my mind

[Asuitablemum]

So perhaps you feel your life is going too fast, the changes are too quick? Are you really careful with contraception now? Can you just put your engagement on hold and announce it when you are sure that you are ready and have booked a wedding date? Try not to compare. Work on doing as much as you can of the things that make you happy.

[dnwig]

Agree with those saying see your GP. If you have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder you are at greater risk of mood changes (including pnd) after birth of your baby. But if you are depressed it can be treated.

OP, be kind to yourself. Take care.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

You have a month old baby. I could barely find my head with both hands at that stage! Just let unnecessary worries go (like the 2 x 2 thing - it's really not the end of the world!) look after yourself and your dc's, and in your own time think about what you want to do.

If your relationship with your fiance is generally good but just needs some work, look into that. And make sure you keep asking your doctor for help whenever you need it. And if you're happy to be engaged, celebrate it! If a friend of mine just had a baby and then announced her engagement I'd be thrilled for her. Give your loved ones the opportunity to be happy for you.

[broodylady123]

Oh op I'm sorry.
This is a classic case of the grass is always greener.
Ttc is shite. It's emotionally destroying and I can't get rid of it, I actually hurt I can say as I've been since 2015, but if I had got pregnant by XBf within a month that would've been shite too
What you want is to get pregnant as soon as you start actively trying and want it.
Unfortunately as we all know too well that doesn't happen

Congrats on your engagement though

You seem sad op, I'm so sorry have you tried talking therapies etc?

Yabu and yanbu - you can't help how you feel

Unmumsnetty hugs

[flapjackfairy]

I fielt like this when i was young.
I felt so rubbish about myself that i compared every single thing about myself to others and found myself wanting.
I have to say it is guaranteed to make you v v v unhappy. Madness that way lies!
I have learnt a lot over the years with counselling , self help books and mostly analysing why i felt the way i did.
Surprise, surprise it was overly critical parents who loved me dearly and yet somehow made me feel i was never quite good enough.
The good news is that wisdom really did come with age and i have loved my 40s and now 50s because finally i do not go there in my head. I choose to ignore my feelings a lot of the time iykwim!
I ignore those thoughts and dont dwell on them .
I truly like myself now and dont envy anyone.
You are unique.
Celebrate it. Let go and learn to accept yourself and the rest will slot into place.
At least that has been my experience anyway.
Here endeth todays lesson!
V best wishes for a better future xxx

[SpitefulMidLifeAnimal]

I'm not keen to get implant or coil right now not while my hormones are swimming madly

Copper IUD, my dear. Zero hormones. Fit and forget. I cannot stress how important it is to arrange a LARC. Breastfeeding/Billings/withdrawal etc. simply don't cut it. No, you might not feel like sex right now. But you will. Or he will and you'll allow it. And you'll be back to square one.

This is one area of your life where you can take control right now.