Judgemental mothers at playgroup

[andshewillbeloved]

Took dd to playgroup this morning. She is 2.5 and not toilet trained yet - tried and she isn't ready. Went to change her nappy and another mum gave a disapproving look and asked how old she was. I told her and her response was 'wow she's a big 2 year old' plus judgemental bitchy look.

AIBU to think she should mind her own fucking business?

If she really did give a disapproving look and a judgmental bitchy look then YANBU.

Worra that was unnecessay, there's no need to cast doubt on what OP is saying.

OP YANBU, loads of kids aren't potty trained at 2. Even if your child was 5 there might be a medical reason for still being in nappies. Judgy mum should keep her beak out.

*unnecessary

Sounds like she thought your child was older.
Just ignore it. People will and do have 'opinions' so there is no point in letting it bother you.

Ooh it's another 'looking at me' one.

She might not have meant to be bitchy. I have RBF and people always think I am sneering at them, when I often just think i'm being conversational and friendly!

Who cares what some random person you don't know thinks? I would have just blanked her and carried on doing what I was doing. Let her judge away, it makes no difference to your life what she thinks anyway.

She said "she's a big two year old", so had obviously had assumed your dd was a lot older. How on earth do you do a bitchy judgemental face??

I quite often used the "how old is your child?" question as a conversation starter with mums at toddler groups. You may have been so defensive in your reply that it killed the conversation..?

There's no point being upset about it. For your own sanity, try to forget about it and not blow it up in your mind

Ooh it's another 'looking at me' one.

I think a lot of these 'looks' are more in someone's head than actually happening.

Sounds like a normal toddler group meeting someone for the first time conversation.
"How old's your dc?"
"They're big/small/clever... etc for their age aren't they?"

Yes she should. It's also possible you misinterpreted her expression? DD is nearly 3.5 and not toilet trained. There are reasons for that that are not obvious from looking at her so I do feel a bit judged sometimes. Not worth getting upset about it!

My dd is 2.7 years old and we tried last month to potty train and she wasn't ready and we are going to try again next month. It's no big deal let it roll off your back but have a nice comeback for next time i case you go again.

People are so nasty it's none of their business, do people out there really get on like that

Are you sure? I still got those comments about DD long after she was PT, she is a tall girl. (Along with "gosh, she talks a lot doesn't she" and "is she really reading that?") People always comment on children's size. Or other random stuff. It's just for something to say.

judgemental bitchy look

Please demonstrate.

I'm sorry you were upset, but honestly you may be projecting.because you are worried about the toilet training thing.

I have a very dear friend who is always seeing "judgemental, bitchy looks" when I don't see anything of the kind standing right next to her.

I have two very tall children. They are 9yo and taller than lots of 11yos.

I remember being criticised by a stranger in a shop for still having them in a buggy at 4 yo. She was rather embarrased when I pointed out they were only just 2yo. if you have a tall child you just get used to shrugging it off.

BTW 2.5 yo is nowhere near late to not be toilet trained. Lots of my friends kids were well into their third year before they used a potty.

You get a lot of toilet training judginess. I read some on a thread yesterday, and the thread had nothing to do with toilet training! Two and a half isn't so old. My DD was so resistant she was in nappies past the age of three and a half.

Honestly this was not a typical 'how old is your dd?' type of question and I wasn't even defensive in my answer.

Maybe she was bitchy, in that case ignore. Many kids are not trained at 2.5, who cares. It's not the best time of the year anyway, it's so much easier in spring/ summer.

Maybe you completely misinterpreted someone who was just making conversation. I take my bag with me when my take my little ones to the loo, you can't guess if they wear a nappy or not from that. Maybe her own little one is tiny, and the mum is worried about it.

She wasn't involved in any of your business or judging you, it sound like you read too much in what she said.

2.5 isn't old for nappies.

Let it wash over you. My son was almost 3 when we trained him. You do what you think is right - I've known so many people getting stressed about training because they have started when the kid isn't ready!

OP, this may not be a popular stance, but to be honest I think that life is far too short to get ones back up about a look. I wouldn't take it to heart.

I'd also allow people up to 3 comments before really writing them off.

Maybe they were just shocked at DDs height or something?

Wow what a bitch! My boys weren't trained until 3.5 and IDGAF what anyone thinks. Kids train at diff ages and it's no one's GD business! I'd have tossed the diaper at her.

Try not to let it bother you. You will find nicer mums on your wave length that have more interesting things to think about than competitive potty training! Maybe you misread her facial expression slightly? She may just have one of those faces?

MN, can we have a judgemental bitchy face added to the Smileys list?

I forgot to add, I know plenty of kids who were potty trained at 1.5 or 2 years old. Great you'd think, but they still have accidents day and nights 1 or 2 years later. The concept of potty trained is the same as "sleeping through the night", the meaning totally varies depending on who you are talking to.