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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP driving me crazy!

34 replies

esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 07:16

DP and I are getting married at the end of the year so at the moment we are supposed to be tightening our belts and saving.

DP keeps saying he is on a diet he went out and bought an exercise bike about 3 weeks ago.. he has been on it twice the bike was over £100. Then he tells me all this stuff he wants for this diet he wants to do and to be honest it's not cheap.

I do like treat foods myself and I am not on a diet and due to his diet and his working patterns I eat a lot of stuff from the freezer dd is on jars and formula.

Aibu to be so fed up to find that when I go to bed of an evening my DP stays downstairs and helps to himself to everything I have bought for myself including my cereal? He's asked me to get the stuff for his diet I spend ages preparing his food for the following day because of his work patterns he doesn't get home until around 11pm some nights.

It is him who has put himself on this diet not me he does weigh over 18 stone but because he is tall in my opinion he carries it well but I get he's not happy so I try and support him hence preparing these meals he wants. I don't mind doing that but it is taking the piss when he eats all my stuff as well as his own we are trying to save plus have dd to pay for I can't afford to keep doing all this extra food shopping!

He also has a nasty habit of leaving everything switched on I came down stairs to find the tv on, the lamp on and the kitchen Light. He is costing us a fortune in electric he does this most nights!

This may sound a little petty to some put it actually is starting to grate on me a lot it's been going on for a while and I do try and tell him he's dismissive and says he can't see why im in a mood but I'm not being funny he gets to eat fresh meat each day while I'm eating shitty Chicago town pizzas and bastard oven chips! Sorry I'm getting annoyed just writing this but I needed to get it off my chest!

Personally I think it's selfish of him just feels it's always me going without because I don't eat the food I buy for him (most of it I don't like) but he does like these foods which is what I don't understand!

OP posts:
KateDaniels2 · 21/03/2017 07:32

As someone who has recently admitted i have disordered eating, i feel quite sorry for him in the food part.

I have tried my best to eat all the best foods and then binge at night. Its not easy to control and as easy as 'this food isnt mine'.

That said i get how frustrating it is from the other side. Your putting in lots of effort and then he is eating other food anyway.

I dont have answers. I currently live on one protein bat and one protein shake a day as thinking about food, at all, makes me really anxious.

But i just wanted to say its not black and white for us who have eating problems.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 07:37

I'm sorry you are going through that sounds tough. I do understand but it should be simple when it means him eating all my stuff actually means I will be going without. Money's tight I could do without him being on this diet but if it will make him happy then we have to stretch but if he's not going to stick to it he should just say atleast I can go back to eating proper meals again

OP posts:
barefoofdoctor · 21/03/2017 07:39

He doesn't sound very considerate of your needs and if you have very different ideas of how to handle money then I'd be ironing out these issues pretty quickly or reconsidering whether marrying him was a good idea.

Happyinthehills · 21/03/2017 07:41

It's sounds like his foods need preparation and if his handmaiden has gone to bed he's forced to eat large bowls of cereal because he's a little bit hungry when he stays up at night the poor baby.
If he got to bed with you then everything would be switched off properly and he wouldn't be tempted by easy food. Win, win.
Does he jab a good reason for not coming to bed with you?

Happyinthehills · 21/03/2017 07:42

Jab = have!!

neonrainbow · 21/03/2017 07:43

Why on earth are you putting more effort into his diet than he is? And why are you living off frozen shite while he eats fresh food? Why aren't you both just sharing a healthy lifestyle with fresh food? Cook from scratch with a little bit of meat and bulk out with veg and stuff. Then you both get to eat a healthy balanced diet. Stop worrying about what he eats and start thinking honestly about why you're relegating yourself to having to eat rubbish to enable him to NOT follow a diet!

If he wants to diet he should be doing the work!

highinthesky · 21/03/2017 07:44

Let's not be too hasty to label plain habitual greed as an eating disorder. He's completely inconsiderate with no concept of sharing, because that is the way he is brought up. Do you have the influence to change that?

These everyday irritations are a loud warning bell.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 07:44

He's usually good with money elsewhere we have cut back on treats and tend to try and find cheap/free stuff to do In spare time. He does put in some overtime when he can to try and help towards the wedding cost.

It's not just the money it's the time as well food shopping takes up time as does preparing all these meals. My dd goes to bed brilliantly but sometimes after I have finished having my tea and preparing him food for the following day then clearing up I feel like I've sat down for all of 10 mins and then need to go bed. It's alright for him he comes home to everything done sits on the sofa while I'm in bed and watches his series on the telly while eating all my stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 07:47

I get and go to bed around half 11 he has usually not been home from work long so will want to watch telly and things but in all honesty I think he stays up so he can eat I hear him in the kitchen right after I have gone to bed I come down to wrappers everywhere and dishes In the sink (which he knows I hate)

OP posts:
Happyinthehills · 21/03/2017 07:59

He does so many selfish things I wonder why you'd want to marry him. He will get worse rather than better.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 08:04

Starting to wonder myself to be honest! No I'm joking we do get on rather well food battle aside.

His mum always spoilt him and his DB. I could give you a list of stuff she still does for him but it would be terribly outing.

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 21/03/2017 08:06

Why on earth are you living off frozen food and cooking him healthy meals? That's insane!

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 08:10

The food I cook for him I don't like. Can't afford to cook all these separate fresh meals each night and to be honest I don't have the time to either. Yes it is insane!

OP posts:
Happyinthehills · 21/03/2017 08:16

Maybe spend your time looking after yourself? Cooking healthier food you do like?

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 21/03/2017 08:26

I want to be supportive of the diet as I know he wants to lose the weight and feel good about himself. He has gained 4 stone since meeting me. I am very slim size 8 and seem to be able to eat or drink whatever I like at whatever time I want (no it's not always healthy and just because I can doesn't mean I should) unfortunately dp only has to look at a piece of junk food and he gains so I do feel I am partly to blame I know he will be unhappy if he has to hire his suit the size he is.

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 21/03/2017 09:44

Why are you marrying this lazy arse? You know you're setting yourself up for years of moaning about his inconsiderate behaviour. Are you happy for him to let you do all the housework and for him to sit his arse on the sofa while you run around looking after his every whim?

If you are, where is your self esteem?

HermioneJeanGranger · 21/03/2017 09:45

Cook meals YOU like! He can either like it, or cook himself something else. You can't spend your life pandering to his whims and living off frozen pizza!

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 09:53

He probably has good intentions but then can't carry it through.

My husband is a bit like this. We try to talk him out of his ideas. He once bought a blender, decided to eat only a juice diet for however long, went on and on about it, got to the supermarket, he went to the fruit and veg aisle to get all the stuff to blend, then when I said ok, so I'm not getting meal stuff for you he looked at me and said " don't be daft". 🙄

He does it all the time, he recently bought a guitar, he hasn't a musical bone in his body, decided he wanted to learn, i thought he was kidding then a 150 quids worth of quitar turned up. In three months he's strummed it once. It's like a friggen ornament. There is hundreds more examples sigh.

As said, I think it's the difference between good intentions in their heads and the reality. I get your frustration, but it's hard to change their ways.

Chloe84 · 21/03/2017 09:55

Yes, OP, you need to stop cooking meals he likes but you don't.

You'll get addicted to that cheap fast food pizza and chips.

He's not even bothering with his diet if he's eating all that food on top.

Stop the cooking now. Hide your food. Think about whether you really want to marry this man.

Forager · 21/03/2017 09:58

He sounds like a big child. Living with a man child masquerading as an adult would drive me insane.

A child might expect their mother to make their dinner, run around turning off the lights, TV etc behind them and allowed to be inconsiderate, but a grown man certainly shouldn't.

Clnz4fun · 21/03/2017 10:06

He needs to look at a diet that's sustainable and doest hit your pocket as well as doesn't affect your own diet.

No one needs to eat meat everyday, proteins can be had from other foods
Instead of meal prepping everyday can he not set aside one day in the weekend to prep all the food for the week?.

You can get pdf's of lean in 15 the food is actually normal and really nice but it's up to the person to portion control and eat the appropriate food at the right time. Ie before or after exercise.
It's clear he doesn't have much time with his work pattern so not sure what he can do for exercise unless he has time in the mornings. Brisk walk/run or a swim.

He is being unreasonable.

Forager · 21/03/2017 10:07

Are you sure you'll be able to trust him to be a grown adult when he needs to be when those inevitable trials of life happen, such as a serious illness, accident, money troubles etc?

I personally need to feel that I'm not the one always having to be the responsible person in my family. It should be a partnership.

He sounds like he needs to grow up .

Sophiesausage · 21/03/2017 10:07

My husband was like this. Eating food i had bought, drinking a whole bottle of wine before I'd even got to have a glass. Our dishwasher was broken (was on his list of things to do) and so I used to hide my wine in there Smilethen when he found this one day I emptied out a cereal box that had been in the cupboard unopened for about a year (another daft diet idea) and hid my wine in there! I realise this makes me sound like an alcoholic! But he would literally eat and drink everything nice before I got chance to have anything.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 10:13

Why don't you like fresh meat, are you a vegetarian?

I think you need to sit down together and try to work through a healthy menu that suits you both.

Surely you can't dislike every fresh meal you cook for him? Although obviously if you're veggie then that's different.

ExplodedCloud · 21/03/2017 10:18

He is a functioning adult who holds down a job. You are not responsible for his weight.
He either takes responsibility for it or not.
And why on earth is he going to bed leaving everything on? He's not a teenager.
Cook meals you both like. He is currently expecting you to do all the work, your food intake is suffering and he isn't even sticking to it.

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