Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Sruggling to get on board with sons girlfriend, who is a millionarre!

113 replies

Huskylover1 · 20/03/2017 23:16

Actually, her family are multi millionaires. 8 homes across the globe in places like Paris, Milan, New York, Los Angeles....you get the drift. They've been together 11 months. I've met her twice. She is very aloof. I remember meeting my DH parents and trying my hardest to impress. She doesn't do this. They came for one night a few months ago to dog sit for us, but left the place looking like an episode from Hoarders. Food and drink left everywhere, nothing cleanedup. I tried to forget it. took them out for lunch...they never bought one drink and we had lunch and 5 rounds after....where do i go from here...its his bday dinner Weds and im gonna get stiffed again

OP posts:

TheVeryThing · 21/03/2017 09:43

I can't get over the fact that you sat on the floor in your own home! Yes, she was rude not to move, but why didn't you say anything? Are you intimidated by her because her family is wealthy?
I think it's normal to pay for your children's meals out at that age, but don't arrange something you can't afford.
Don't go for drinks afterward if you can't afford it, and you won't feel resentful.

MissGoggins · 21/03/2017 09:46

When we got back from this night out, my son was sat upright on the sofa and she was lying with her head in his lap and feet up on the sofa. Me and DH sat with them for a bit with drinks before bed. DH sat in the chair. She didn't move

Am I the only one who is thinking you caught her mid blow job and moving would have compromised the sons modesty? asking for a friend

iloveuihateu · 21/03/2017 09:51

I come from a fairly well off family but have zero access to their money. At 20 I was working in a call centre while looking for a graduate job; it's relatively rare that well off parents give their children access to their money!

Mine expected me to work for my own money (quite correctly) so don't make the assumption that because her family are well off that she is. It doesn't follow.

It's also quite normal to expect parents to pay for food and drink when they've been invited as a guest to a birthday dinner. To be honest both my parents and PILs pay for everything still and we're in our mid 30's. We take them out and pay for everything on some occasions like Mother's Day but wouldnt have in our 20's as we wouldn't have had the money.

Yes, I agree her not moving on the sofa was a bit off as was not clearing up. That being said it was primarily your DS responsibility to clear up as she was the guest (and you don't know if she offered and he said 'Nah, Mum will do that' or some such).

Give her the benefit of the doubt for a bit longer and give your DS a harder time...he should be offering to buy a round when you're all out too shouldn't he?

readthethread · 21/03/2017 09:52

none of it has anything to do with her wealth
they're just typical fairly spoilt 20 year olds. your ds included.
she's probably not used to paying for anything.
why should she tidy up in your home if your ds isn't? she doesn't know where everything goes. it's your ds i'd be mad at, not her.

CecilyP · 21/03/2017 09:52

Thanks for putting that thought in my mind while I was just innocently wondering why no second arm chair!

Megatherium · 21/03/2017 09:58

Did you ask your husband and son why they left you to sit on the floor?

theothercatpurred · 21/03/2017 09:58

It may be simply that the GF hasn't been socialised into being helpful. In my family, when you are hosting people you don't ask them to put their hand in their pocket or expect them to do any work like helping with washing up etc.

When I met my BF's mum as a teen she was gobsmacked at my - in her eyes - laziness at never offering to help or pay. I was oblivious. Luckily we got on personality wise. Over the years I started to pick up the hints and follow the example of my BF as he offered to wash up / pay etc.
I truly was clueless! I had no idea I was being rude by not offering to pay/ help out.

I'm completely different now, a very helpful person! I just didn't know what I was supposed to do.

Also if her family are minted she may have no concept that you would struggle to pay for what seems like a trivial amount to her. It might not even cross her mind.

If you like her and/or think she's going to stick around then the key is getting your DS to model the right behaviour I think.

So, I agree with others, he should have tidied up!

MontePulciana · 21/03/2017 10:01

I'd be mortified going to my in laws house when I first met them and leaving a shit tip. They are both as bad As each other. Does he not regularly clean his mess? Have a word with them. You either put a stop to it now or they'll continue towalk all over you... saying that, 11 months at 20 years old doesn't mean they'll get married tbh.

BoboChic · 21/03/2017 10:10

TBH when families merge, working out new boundaries for domestic behaviour is a minefield more often than not. Don't overthink it.

NotaSnowflake · 21/03/2017 10:16

So because her family are multi millionaires, suddenly they have to pay for your meals and drinks???

You invited them for his birthday dinner. You pay. Everyone knows that....?

And you chose to keep going back to the bar........if it genuinely bothered you that much then you should have drunk up and gone home. Sorry to be abrupt but it's true?

Notso · 21/03/2017 10:18

I think the sofa thing was rude, but I think if I had done that DH would have given me a nudge to move up or got up himself and said sit here Mum or something forcing me to shift.
Tidying up and paying for drinks etc are pretty much all your son IMO.

NotaSnowflake · 21/03/2017 10:20

Sounds like a case of 'mummy's precious little golden boy can do no wrong'

My Mum is just like this. Drives me INSANE!!!! My older brother could commit the worst crime imaginable (well he wouldn't but you know what I mean) and even if there was hi-def 4K CCTV footage of him doing said crime, she would still try to blame somebody else and make excuses for him. It's just (some) Mums & their boys.... 🙄

JustSpeakSense · 21/03/2017 10:27

I don't know why you're getting a hard time here op. I understand exactly how you're feeling.

I would have an open and heart to heart with DS if I were you, but I'd leave any comments about her being 'loaded' out of it because it might sound a bit petty.

1horatio · 21/03/2017 10:29

Sounds like a case of 'mummy's precious little golden boy can do no wrong'

My Mum is just like this. Drives me INSANE!!!! My older brother could commit the worst crime imaginable (well he wouldn't but you know what I mean) and even if there was hi-def 4K CCTV footage of him doing said crime, she would still try to blame somebody else and make excuses for him. It's just (some) Mums & their boys.... 🙄

Sotrue. My grandmother is like that very very much.... It annoys the heck out of me. Also because she clearly preferes her male grandchildren (and great-grandchildren)...

The sofa thing? her fault. (although, she may have been somewhat drunk... Which is a bit of an excuse, tbh)

The rest seems to be on your son. He could lead by example.

"thanks mummy, we had a lovely evening. So, let's split the bill..." Easy.

LizzieMacQueen · 21/03/2017 10:30

5 rounds after your lunch out

several drinks after your night out

Maybe the level of drink is clouding your judgement.

GirlElephant · 21/03/2017 10:52

Why are you going out on such expensive lunches followed by drinks when you can't afford it? That's just silly.

Your son sounds messy and I presume as he did the favour of dog-sitting thought he could leave your house a mess. If I had been the GF in that situation I would have offered to help clean up but it was mainly his responsibility.

When I was 20 people who lived away from home were skint students who visited their parents for a decent meal & wouldn't have invited their DPs over for dinner.

Judge her on her manners (the sofa thing was rude but you could have asked her to make space). To judge her on being rich when it's her parents is ridiculous. For all you know they give her a small allowance or perhaps don't support her at all.

pootleperkinandposy22 · 21/03/2017 10:57

MissGoggins I'll be your friend!! My first thought too!
I'd still have told them to move though. Your DH should have said something too!
I'll bet her lifestyle is very different to yours and as pp said she is just used to being entitled. Your son has probably experienced her way of life with her family and is now being influenced by it...
You need to stand up to DS and tell him to stop it now otherwise they will both keep trying it on.
Don't be intimidated by her money. It's unfair of you to assume the GF will be able to pay or even think she should but that doesn't mean you have to either. Just treat her exactly the same way you would treat any other GF.

LagunaBubbles · 21/03/2017 11:10

The next time we saw them, we went out for lunch. Not a special occasion. I picked up the tab (£135) and then when we went for drinks after, and we paid for every round. I wouldn't mind if we were loaded, but I am on almost minimum wage, so this is a lot of money for me

That's an insane amount of money for a lunch if you can barely afford it! Why?? There are loads of places much much cheaper for a nice lunch!!

1horatio · 21/03/2017 11:13

Honestly, tell your son to split the bill.
It's so easy...

"that was really delicious. Can I see the bill? I want to know how much I need to pay."

Or he could just say that he wants the waiter to already bring split bills.

Talk with your DS He can fix this easily...

PaulAnkaTheDog · 21/03/2017 11:19

That's an insane amount of money for a lunch if you can barely afford it! Why?? There are loads of places much much cheaper for a nice lunch!!

Presumably she was hoping that a certain someone would pick up the tab...

RubyWinterstorm · 21/03/2017 11:35

Why go out for expensive lunches at all?

Also, I'd never expect the kids to pay even if they are in their 20s, it's nice to treat them!

I would never expect a young new DIL to pick up the tab for me

LagunaBubbles · 21/03/2017 11:39

Presumably she was hoping that a certain someone would pick up the tab...

Good point there.

unfortunateevents · 21/03/2017 11:58

Is your son a 20 year old student or working? Because that makes a big difference. What about this GF?

DoJo · 21/03/2017 12:35

I suppose it would be nice if they bought one round, and yes, I suppose I feel a bit like this because I know that she is loaded.

So you wouldn't expect your son to stand a round, but because his girlfriend's parents are rich, you expect her to? It sounds like you are the entitled one to be honest - she is under no obligation to pay for the celebrations you have organised for your son!

ScarlettFreestone · 21/03/2017 13:42

The only thing I can see that the gf has actually done wrong is the sofa thing.

But why on earth didn't your son ask her to move?

All of this comes down to your son's respect for his parents.

You say you have a great relationship with your DS? In which case why does seeing him require you to "take them out"? Why have you not been invited round to their flat? Why didn't he tidy up/offer drinks?

Your issue here is your son, not his girlfriend.

And her parents money is completely irrelevant to the issues raised.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread