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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sruggling to get on board with sons girlfriend, who is a millionarre!

113 replies

Huskylover1 · 20/03/2017 23:16

Actually, her family are multi millionaires. 8 homes across the globe in places like Paris, Milan, New York, Los Angeles....you get the drift. They've been together 11 months. I've met her twice. She is very aloof. I remember meeting my DH parents and trying my hardest to impress. She doesn't do this. They came for one night a few months ago to dog sit for us, but left the place looking like an episode from Hoarders. Food and drink left everywhere, nothing cleanedup. I tried to forget it. took them out for lunch...they never bought one drink and we had lunch and 5 rounds after....where do i go from here...its his bday dinner Weds and im gonna get stiffed again

OP posts:
Littleballerina · 21/03/2017 00:10

You need to sort your son out. This is nothing to do with his girlfriend.

honeyroar · 21/03/2017 00:11

I think her family's wealth is making you feel insecure and you're (in your subconscious) looking for reasons to feel better than her. Yes they shouldn't have left the house a mess (but he's the lead in that) and yes she could be friendlier, but it's not a hanging offence.

Wipe the slate clean, take your son out for his birthday and see how you get on. I'm nearly 50 and have to fight to stop your dad from still paying when we go out.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 00:20

I'm nearly 50 and have to fight to stop your dad from still paying when we go out.

Wow. How many times have you been out with the OP's dad? Shock Grin

OfaFrenchmind2 · 21/03/2017 00:25

^^ It sounds like a "your mum" joke! 😁

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 00:28

It does! Grin

FreeNiki · 21/03/2017 00:28

Money is irrelevant. She sounds like a rude disrespectful madam and your son isnt much better.

Dont try and get on board with her. I'd not invite her again if she cant be civil

Huldra · 21/03/2017 00:30

He has been in a relationship with her for 11 months and has introduced you to her twice. He didn't take the lead by buying drinks. He led the way in how the house was left.

My family have money, they may have assets but they dont give me more money than anyone else my age. (I was given less than my less wealthy friends, yeah we had a swimming pool, multiple houses) I am in a long term relationship but hardly know his parents, I've only met them twice. I'm told we are being taken out and my boy friend doesn't mention money, I don't see him offer to buy drinks either. I dont think anything of it because he has said it's paid for. We stay at his house and I go along with what he does. Afterall I'm young, don't know them and still working out how these things are meant to work. Maybe my boyfriend wants to make a show of how generous and relaxed his family are?

FreeNiki · 21/03/2017 00:31

I'm nearly 50 and have to fight to stop your dad from still paying when we go out.

Wow. I see my family at my birthday and I get the bill to pay. I see my family at their birthdays and I get the bills to pay.

Just because they dont fucking bother working they see me as responsible for paying.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 00:33

Where did the OP say she wasn't civil FreeNiki?

FreeNiki · 21/03/2017 00:36

Worra she is aloof and she was jointly responsible for making and leaving that disgusting mess in someone elses home in which she was a guest.

As I said cant even be civil.

RedBullBlood · 21/03/2017 00:37

A rude, disrespectful, uncivil madam? That's some serious extrapolation!

ScarlettFreestone · 21/03/2017 00:38

I grew up with several kids whose parents were millionaires. None of them had access to pots of money or "Daddy's credit card".

Given that their parents were mostly self made they were expected to work very hard themselves as well as working in the family business.

Any help they got from their parents only came much, much later in terms of help to buy first homes/pay for weddings.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 00:43

We don't even know how old she is Niki

Given that the OP seems to think she should be trying her hardest to impress her, I'm not sure I can entirely trust her definition of 'aloof'.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2017 00:44

Same here Scarlett, that and the bonus of not having to pay back a student loan.

But they were still expected to earn their own keep.

Huldra · 21/03/2017 00:44

Why did you keep paying out 5 rounds later Confused ? Sit down, order food, get one bottle of wine for the table. If someone pipes up that another drink would be nice then smile and say mine will be a Guinness thanks, yes a pint.

FreeNiki · 21/03/2017 00:49

Worra she is old enough to be left in someone elses home with her boyfriend and old enough to drink alcohol outside as the OP refers to them not paying a single round.

Are you seriously suggesting that a female in her very late teens does not know that should not leave food and used crockery and cutlery all over someone elses home when you are a guest and make no attempt to put food away, in the bin or put plates etc in the kitchen?

Interesting.

Nice to know you'd be happy for your teenage daughters to behave like that in someone elses home.

highinthesky · 21/03/2017 00:53

I think OP has a valid point.

There may be something princessy about DS' GF but that doesn't mean the OP must treat her differently to any responsibile adult.

PerspicaciaTick · 21/03/2017 01:00

It was 100% the son's responsibility to make sure the house was tidy - after all his GF was his guest.

And the OP does sound like she expects the GF to bankroll family celebrations, which is odd given she hasn't said how old she is.

Unpropergrammer · 21/03/2017 01:02

Dp's parents thought I was stuck up and aloof when they met me.

I wasn't I just am incredibly shy and get anxiety around people I don't know. I wouldn't have dreamed of offering to pay for a round of drinks as I was overthinking literally everything that came out of my mouth and spending most of my time with my lips closed.

I think shyness is so often confused for rudeness. People don't really what it's like to have social anxiety.

ScarlettFreestone · 21/03/2017 01:39

Niki I agree that a guest in someone else's house should leave it tidy.

But we don't know who made the mess. I'd suggest it's far more likely that the DS who (presumably) grew up in the house made the mess rather than his gf. None of us would say that she should be responsible for cleaning up after her boyfriend just because she's female I hope? Hmm

I have a DD and a DS. I would expect my DD to behave well in someone else's house but in the situation described I would lay the blame wholly at the feet of my DS. He was effectively acting as the host and should have kept it tidy for his parents.

Original poster
Huskylover1 · 21/03/2017 08:42

Thanks all. Ok, to clarify a bit....

They are 20 years old.

The first time I met her was last October, when they came here to dog sit, so we could attend a night out. When we got back from this night out, my son was sat upright on the sofa and she was lying with her head in his lap and feet up on the sofa. Me and DH sat with them for a bit with drinks before bed. DH sat in the chair. She didn't move, so I had to sit on the floor. I find that really odd that she wouldn't move (and a bit disrespectful). Anyway, after a few drinks, we left them to it and went to bed.

When we got up the next morning, they had left for the early train and we found take-away cartons all over the table, plus the plates, spoons etc. (I paid for this). They had wine, beer & cocktails, and the glasses were left all over the sitting room/on the floor etc. I personally, would not do that (at any age). I told my son off for the mess, but not her, obviously.

The next time we saw them, we went out for lunch. Not a special occasion. I picked up the tab (£135) and then when we went for drinks after, and we paid for every round. I wouldn't mind if we were loaded, but I am on almost minimum wage, so this is a lot of money for me.

I'm not going to say anything. When we got out this week, I will pay for everything. I suppose it would be nice if they bought one round, and yes, I suppose I feel a bit like this because I know that she is loaded.

I feel like the only time I can see them, is if I take them out. And that's hard as it's so costly. I've never been invited to the flat. I used to cook for my parents at that age, and I'd love it if they'd offer to do that.

Fwiw, me and my son have a great relationship, so it's not that there's anything wrong there, I think they just don't think. I guess that's the norm for their age though.

Aargh, I feel like a mean old husk now, for even starting this thread.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/03/2017 08:49

At aged 20 I personally wouldn't have invited my parents round to cook for them, they still used to pay for meals etc (to be honest they still insist on paying now even though I'm in my 30s).

I don't see what the wealth has to do about the mess. In my opinion that's your son's fault, she was his guest and it's not up to her to tidy his parent's house. He should have done it.

I don't see what any of this has to do with her wealth. If you don't want to take them out tell them you're staying in and cooking, if you want them to pay then tell them. It's unfair if you're expecting her to pay because her parents are minted and not your son.

IamFriedSpam · 21/03/2017 08:52

Agree with PP. If I was staying at my parents house I would consider it my job to leave it in a decent state and if we were staying at the in laws it would be mainly DH's responsibility. Likewise if you take me out for a meal I expect you to pay. The trick is not to offer something you're not prepared to provide. If you don't want to take your DS out for a birthday meal (fair enough) just have him round for dinner.

PurplePen · 21/03/2017 08:54

I know the term 'cocklodger' applies in romantic relationships on here, not sure if there's an equivalent when it's your own child, but that's what your son is by the sounds of it.

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 08:55

Her parents may be wealthy but it doesn't mean she is. She is also probably used to her parents paying, as is Your son.

It's up to him to leave his home tidy and set an example. It's also up to you to not take them places you can't afford.

A couple of my daughters friends are in the same wealth bracket. One in particular has several homes and the father is managing partner in a law firm that has offices in 13 countries. I wouldn't dream of asking her to pay when I take them out to dinner. She's not wealthy her father is.

I think you need to stop focusing on the fact her parents are wealthy, and treat her like any other twenty year old. But primarily you need to deal with your son and stop taking them places you can't afford to go.