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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Small Wedding

46 replies

EWAB · 20/03/2017 19:02

Not saying what my 'interest' is...but who should take priority at a small wedding. Friends or the spouses of siblings?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2017 19:03

We had a small wedding but spouses of siblings were invited. But that was only two extra.

luckylucky24 · 20/03/2017 19:05

Spouses for me. I would feel very rude not inviting long term partners/ parents of nieces and nephews.

Hugepeppapigfan · 20/03/2017 19:05

Spouses.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 20/03/2017 19:05

In my family the spouses of siblings are counted as close family......
Ultimately it is who the B&G want....
Personally for me it would be close family and close friends

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 20/03/2017 19:05

I'd say children of the couple/parents/siblings/ closest friends but not Jane you've not seen in 20 years or bob you only say hello too at work

But obviously some people don't speak to family etc and then i guess it's the people they are closest too

MintyChops · 20/03/2017 19:05

Spouses of siblings should take priority and if that means important friends being left out then get a bigger venue.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 20/03/2017 19:06

Depends who you have the best relationships with. .

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 20/03/2017 19:09

Depends on the relationships. For me, I'd want friends over family every time. You don't pick your family.....

MadamePomfrey · 20/03/2017 19:09

Depend how long have you known the friend? how close are you to spouses? How big a problem will it cause for you not inviting them? Personally if it was that kind of curbing guests I would get a slightly bigger venue

Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2017 19:11

How small is the wedding.

sonyaya · 20/03/2017 19:28

I think it'd be extremely tight not to invite your sibling's husband or wife (unless you had a poor relationship with them).

If you (or the B&G) want to invite friends then have a bigger wedding and cut back in other areas to fit your budget.

Original poster
EWAB · 20/03/2017 19:45

My brother is getting married in a venue that he first visited on a school trip, think a chapel in ruined stately home, followed by a reception where "everyone can sit round one table" all candles etc. We are invited but not our partners.
Been with my partner for 11 years. Brothers and sisters all married, my other brother very recently and he invited them both.
My sister has complained bitterly! She was told that if they invited people that were important to her they couldn't invite people who were important to them.
We have never rowed or anything. One sister-in-law who is of course not invited is refusing to comment , other than to say it is up to them.
Last of siblings to settle down, they definitely don't want children there as they don't want people 'getting up and down' from their seats and they don't want 'tiered' guests (Their words) i.e. people coming for different parts of day. They don't see why they should compromise on their day.
They are getting married apparently so everything will be in order when they have kids etc.
Really upset and I have been crying, my partner is well pissed off but says that I will regret it if I don't go. To be honest my partner's family have upset me in last couple of years and I think he will throw this back at me if we row about anything in future. We are happy but of course we row occasionally.

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 20/03/2017 19:50

I think this really depends - I assume by spouse you mean married or effectively married. Usually spouses would take precedence over friends but there could be exceptions where you are not at all close to the spouse and have really very close friends.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/03/2017 19:52

It's up to them who to invite and up to you whether to accept. I think it's mean to ask people to celebrate your relationship but ask them to ignore theirs, but I'd rather have my best friends present than a distant brother/sister in law who I don't see/get on with.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 20/03/2017 19:54

How well does your brother know/get on with your partner, do they see each other regularly? For a small wedding I'd have to be close to the partner to drop a really good friend I see regularly

Reow · 20/03/2017 19:57

Completely depends on the individual.

I would invite most of my friends over family. It's not that simple.

burnoutbabe · 20/03/2017 20:05

I'd be highly annoyed that my spouse/partner does not count as "family".
I'd also never invite anyone without their other half to a wedding. That's just basic politeness.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 20/03/2017 20:07

I think it's a real shame, but what can you do?

If it's a small wedding then it's just the ceremony followed by lunch isn't it? Why don't you make your excuses after the lunch, and organise something nice for yourself and your partner to do in the evening?

FatOldBag · 20/03/2017 20:25

I suppose it's up to the couple as to who they'd prefer the company of, their siblings or their friends. If they want their siblings there then long term partners should be invited. If dh wasn't invited I wouldn't go, and if I wasn't invited he wouldn't go either. The sibling getting married can't really complain tbh, they're entitled to invite or not invite whoever they want, but equally, you're entitled to decline the invitation.

MissingPanda · 20/03/2017 20:56

The bride and groom get to decide who to invite. The invited get to chose whether to accept or decline. If they decline the bride and groom don't get to whinge about it.

RusholmeRuffian · 20/03/2017 21:03

I think you're overreacting. In this situation I would rather have my best friend there than my sister in law. It's not ideal but I wouldn't take it as a massive insult.

Bardolino · 20/03/2017 21:11

Yeah, yeah bride and groom get to decide; it's their day etc. etc.

So obviously, on the day centring on them, celebrating their legal union, they ignore their own families legal unions. It's hypocrisy: they want everyone to celebrate their marriage but they're happy to ignore the marriages of others because it's convenient.

BigBangTheory789 · 20/03/2017 21:15

I think that's really insulting actually to you OP and to me my bil is family so I guess I see it differently.

Am I the only one who thinks that this perception of bride and groom and their 'big day' is so overrated?? I hate this constant saying that it's ALL about them. In my culture it's not like that, it's not all about them, a wedding is about the bride and groom AND their families coming together to celebrate them. A wedding is as much about the families and friends as it is about the couple so I just get shocked with things like this where they would leave out a few people because it's 'their day' and they're entitled. Yes, they are because they're paying for it but in my eyes it makes them total arseholes and many people might say to you not to go but you know that at the end of the day it is your brother's wedding and you will go but that resentment will always linger, all because "it's the bride and grooms day"... Hmm

It's a difficult decision OP, in your position I would feel really upset too...

JoJoSM2 · 20/03/2017 21:16

Well, it's their wedding and it sounds tiny - only 1 table worth of guests. I'd go as invited and not try to ruin their big day with complaints and/or demands.

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 20/03/2017 21:28

It's up to the bride and groom but personally I wouldn't attend a sister's wedding if she excluded my husband in favour of a friend.

Their choice to exclude. Your choice whether to attend.