To think she should have changed the nappy?

[Princessmollygolly]

Just a quick AIBU that's been on my mind a couple of days now. One afternoon recently a good friend of mine watched my dd (2 years old) for 3 hours while I attended an appointment. All arranged well in advance. Friend was very enthusiastic, has been asking to babysit for ages (hence why I took her up on it)- she professes to love kids (has none of her own, but is desperately TTC at the moment with her fiancé, we are both 30 years old.) I gave her the usual day bag stuff with nappies, cream, wipes, snacks etc. Friend and her husband took dd to a park and a shopping mall I gather. I came back on time, picked up dd, and found her absolutely reeking of poo (and leaking ). Friend had not changed her the whole time and the nappy had almost fallen apart- definitely more than one poo's worth! When I changed her she had awful nappy rash and I feel terrible about it. And also a bit p'd off.
AIBU to think my friend should have changed dd? At said park and mall there are copious baby changing facilities. She wants to have a baby herself by the end of the year. She's seen me change dd a few times. She's the sort of person where I think she is just squeamish and wouldn't want to ruin her nails or whatever. I love her as a friend but I'm a bit disappointed that she didn't change dd. It was obvious, she stank to high heaven and was leaking through her trousers- I could smell her from a few paces away! The first thing dd said when she saw me was "I've pooed" and she was obviously uncomfortable.
AIBU?!

I think she should have changed the nappy too. Did you ask her why she didn't?

Bit odd... but she might just be a bit clueless!

Hmm I agree she should have changed her. But she could have JUST pooed and it was very unlucky that it leaked. I work as a nanny and at the moment I nanny share so have 6 kids over the course of the week who are in nappies. I've been a nanny for years. And sometimes the kids will just do a horrible poo and it will leak and stink, even though I notice straight away! These things happen. Do you really think she'd have been happy to sit smelling the poo herself?

YADNBU - she should have definitely changed her.

I'd drop her a text and thank her for looking after your baby and ask if there was a particular reason she didn't change her nappy as she now has a rash and was quite upset.

See what she says - there won't be a reasonable excuse but you can then it's been brought out into the open and if she looks after her again she'll know it's expected (although how she wouldn't have known anyway is beyond me).

Has your friend ever changed a nappy before? Perhaps she hadn't really thought about it or factored it into the romantic view of the day out with your DD. I would think no more about it, but if your friend wants to babysit again, get her to change DDs nappy under your guidance first, so that she would be confident to do it.

Why didn't she change her? I would of had to ask them! As your dd said about having pooed to you surely there's a good chance she said the same to them?

I know it sounds really stupid but do they know how to change a nappy, people never surprise me that don't know how. A friend came over when dd was just born and said "I'll change her you drink your tea" then in the next breath "how do I change a nappy"

3 hours isn't long either. Nappies don't need changing until 3-4 hours unless particularly wet or obviously a poo. Especially at 2 , as they tend to have more control over weeing less.

She definitely should have changed it. If she was taking care of your child properly she would have known especially since your child verbally says she has pooed etc.

You need to mention it to her or it will just annoy you there's no excuses for not changing a child's nappy.

When I pick my child up from grandparents they always have a fresh nappy on for the car journey home

Your poor DD. Of course she should have changed the nappy. Surely even a clueless person understands that children should not be left sitting in their poo?

Mqybe she liked the idea of babysitting rather than the reality. Maybe she is my sister in law

I think it's more likely DD poo'd as you arrived, presumably you changed her at your friends house when you picked her up, why didn't you comment then?

I highly doubt anyone would leave a poo leaking child to wander round for any reason. I think you've jumped to the wrong conclusion totally.

It's quite easy to tell the difference between a poo that's been done as you pulled into the drive, and one that's been left to fester. Was it dried on?

YANBU. Not nice.

I think I can time stamp my kid's poo to a 30second window based on the level of stench alone Beached, I thought all parents could, maybe THIS is my talent

If she doesn't have kids, she may not have realised that she would need to be changed in that time frame? Maybe she was uncomfortable with giving intimate personal care to your DD - I know I'd be very reluctant to change someone elses child.

I think she should have changed her but I think you're being a bit OTT. She helped you out with childcare. She doesn't have children of her own. You were only gone 3h. If you trusted her to look after your DD presumably she's not the type to deliberately cause distress or neglect a child so why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

If I looked after someone's child and they criticised my care afterwards I would be so upset and would be rethinking the friendship. The way to go here is don't mention it just don't ask her to babysit again if you're not happy with the care provided.

Did you not confront your friend at the time? "Mate, how long has she been like this?" Did you really not say anything?

OP says DD had an awful nappy rash - that would not have happened if she just did it before OP arrived

If I looked after someone's child and they criticised my care afterwards I would be so upset and would be rethinking the friendship

Seriously? So the OP is supposed to be so grateful for the babysitting, it doesn't matter that her DD was left sitting in her own excrement for an unspecified length of time? And she mustn't hurt her poor friend's feelings even though she failed to deal with a poor toddler covered in poo?

Nope. Not having that.

Does she even know how to do it?
Where to go for babychange facilities?
When I was childless, I was clueless about that, I reckon she could be too.

Does she know how to change a nappy? Did you take her through it before leaving your DD with her?

I could'nt change another child's shitty bum even though I have my own, pre child would have had me retching, I just could'nt do it.

Three hours is'nt long between nappy changes or long enough to cause awful nappy rash.

Of course she should have changed her. You should have asked her at the time why she didn't. It can't have been pleasant for her if the stench was so bad and it must have been like that for quite a while for your daughter to have a rash. No excuse.

It is with shit in the nappy memy.

Yes as pp said there was a rash which dd only tends to get if the poo has been sitting around (it was also a LOT of poo and yes I can also tell when it is "older" poo! I did say immediately after dd told me she had pooed "oh! Yes you definitely have!" And my friend/her fiancé just ignored it. If she'd have said "really sorry it only just happened" or "I'm sorry I don't know how to do it" or anything but she didn't.
I was very grateful to friend for the babysitting help so please don't think otherwise. But I actually wouldn't have taken up her offer of help if I had seen this coming because dd had a really sore rash (which is still lingering) and I don't like of thinking of her sitting in poo. However as some pps have said maybe my friend was just clueless. I genuinely am curious as I have never left dd with anyone except my mum/sister/childminder before and they all are very well versed with nappies!

So what did she say when you enquired? You didn't just both gloss over it did you?!!