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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should have changed the nappy?

98 replies

Princessmollygolly · 20/03/2017 14:16

Just a quick AIBU that's been on my mind a couple of days now. One afternoon recently a good friend of mine watched my dd (2 years old) for 3 hours while I attended an appointment. All arranged well in advance. Friend was very enthusiastic, has been asking to babysit for ages (hence why I took her up on it)- she professes to love kids (has none of her own, but is desperately TTC at the moment with her fiancé, we are both 30 years old.) I gave her the usual day bag stuff with nappies, cream, wipes, snacks etc. Friend and her husband took dd to a park and a shopping mall I gather. I came back on time, picked up dd, and found her absolutely reeking of poo (and leaking Confused). Friend had not changed her the whole time and the nappy had almost fallen apart- definitely more than one poo's worth! When I changed her she had awful nappy rash and I feel terrible about it. And also a bit p'd off.
AIBU to think my friend should have changed dd? At said park and mall there are copious baby changing facilities. She wants to have a baby herself by the end of the year. She's seen me change dd a few times. She's the sort of person where I think she is just squeamish and wouldn't want to ruin her nails or whatever. I love her as a friend but I'm a bit disappointed that she didn't change dd. It was obvious, she stank to high heaven and was leaking through her trousers- I could smell her from a few paces away! Hmm The first thing dd said when she saw me was "I've pooed" and she was obviously uncomfortable.
AIBU?!

OP posts:
Mynestisfullofempty · 20/03/2017 15:13

she ^^

Astoria7974 · 20/03/2017 15:15

How can poo cause a nappy to disintegrate within 3 hours? My bet here is that you're exaggerating. Also re: nappy rash - it's always easier to blame someone else about that. The fault lies with you there - if you know she gets nappy rash if poo is left even for a milli-second then you have to tell your friend that. You should also have checked to see if your child has pooed before you left

alltouchedout · 20/03/2017 15:17

If I looked after someone's child and they criticised my care afterwards I would be so upset and would be rethinking the friendship

If you 'looked after' my child and didn't bother to change their soaked, faeces filled nappy which was falling apart and leaking and had left them with nappy rash, there wouldn't be a bloody friendship left for you to question.

justanotheryoungmother · 20/03/2017 15:18

YANBU- she wanted to babysit and knew that babies include nappies Hmm

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/03/2017 15:22

2 year old though - some of those are toilet-trained, so even though she was given a nappy bag etc. she might not have thought the whole thing through, which is why the OP should have checked she would change her DD.

Factorysettings · 20/03/2017 15:23

Astoria If the DD had a shitty nappy before the op had left, she would have smelt it.

Most children would get nappy rash after being in a shitty nappy after more than half an hour.

Nappies can get soaked and limp if full of poo after a that amount of time.

Nothing the op says sounds unlikely.

welshmist · 20/03/2017 15:25

I had to watch DIL change GS nappy the first time after 12 years I was rusty. Re: the stink it hits the room within seconds not to be missed. I always change instantly it is less messy and no nappy rash. I think your friend was genuinely flummoxed or you did not mention the contents of the bag. DIL forgets stuff sometimes so I do remind her of what we might need for the day, nappies and wipes we keep in.

Occadodo · 20/03/2017 15:28

If DD can say that she's pooed and knows she has .... sounds like she needs potty training!!!!

I'd be unhappy too .... but it's done now. Don't allow her to look after DD again until she can use the loo!

HeyRoly · 20/03/2017 15:29

I think your friend was genuinely flummoxed or you did not mention the contents of the bag

Nonsense! The friend knew full well that the girl had done a poo and decided to do nothing about it, because she didn't want to change a shitty nappy. I can't imagine any other scenario.

Wasn't aware of the smell of poo? Didn't know how to change a nappy? Not aware that the OP had provided nappies and wipes? As if. No one is that stupid.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 20/03/2017 15:32

I wonder if she hadn't changed a nappy before and was a bit anxious about it. I would be upset to find my child in that state to be honest and don't blame you, your not being unreasonable but if she asks to babysit again, I would mention the nappy issue and offer to show her how to change her.

sonyaya · 20/03/2017 15:32

mynest and alltouchedout

Well if the friend is someone who would deliberately neglect a child, which is what you and the OP are suggesting, then why the hell would OP leave her DD with her? If she is generally a decent person, and not the kind of cunt to knowingly leave a child in distress, then she should be given the benefit of the doubt.

Just don't ask her to babysit again.

tiktok · 20/03/2017 15:36

The most likely reason is she hoped you'd be back soon!

A family member looked after one of mine one afternoon and he came back with the fresh nappy on inside out - really. Don't know how she managed it. She was absolutely clueless (she's had a couple of babies since so we laugh about it now). But she did change him.

NoLotteryWinYet · 20/03/2017 15:37

that is super-duper lame. I remember being dubious when my DN pooped in our bath pre-DC but we still dealt with it and babysat him again for my Dsis. Chalk it up - she'll be an expert in a year so don't lose her as you can do each other favours once she's upskilled herself! My Dmum wouldn't change a poopey nappy, she thinks she's past all that now :)

gamerchick · 20/03/2017 15:38

No more babysitting OP. You should have said something there and then.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 20/03/2017 15:38

I've just been writing some 'toddler instructions' as I might have to leave my DS with childless friends in an emergency (going into labour with DC2!).

I can well remember being pretty clueless before I had my own DC and whilst I like to think I'd have taken a bit of initiative if faced with a stinky nappy I certainly didn't know when or how to change them.

So my 'instructions' include some basics like pooey nappies need to be changed as soon as possible. It might be seem patronising to anyone who has got some experience already but I'd rather know that I'd informed them about the basics.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 20/03/2017 15:38

tiktok that's made me smile :)

silkpyjamasallday · 20/03/2017 15:41

YANBU I'd be very pissed off if this happened to my dd, not knowing how to do it just isn't an excuse, if a person genuinely can't work out how to change a nappy they definitely don't have the intelligence to care for a child. It was obviously just pure laziness, knowing you'd be back within the hour or whatever when they noticed the smell so decided to leave it for you to do. Yes, other people's children's poo is not nice, but if you've agreed to look after a child it's an essential part of that. As a PP has said I would tell her that your DD now has nappy rash because they left her with a dirty nappy, if your friend falls out with you over it so be it, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone with so little empathy for a child.

CoolCarrie · 20/03/2017 15:41

I remember babysitting my cousin's daughter and managing to put the nappy on inside out, and back to front! In my defence I was 16, and the nappies had no fancy patterns on them as they do now.
Show her how to do it properly.

Mynestisfullofempty · 20/03/2017 15:43

That's precisely how I feel too silkpyjamasallday.

chestylarue52 · 20/03/2017 15:45

I have no children of my own, at 33, I have many friends and nephews and godchildren, so I definitely know how to change a nappy.

Did you not discuss the care of your child when they were handed over? Whenever I take care of someone's child - especially a littlie and definitely for the first time ever! - I would expect to get 'this is when she last ate, this is what she eats, I last changed her nappy 20 minutes ago, here are her nappies, she'll probably need another change in approx however long, are you ok to do it, this is her favourite toy' etc etc.

Why would you just assume your friend knew how and when to change nappy, and then borderline accuse her of child neglect after?

I think YABU. Your daughters welfare is your responsibility,

SuperFlyHigh · 20/03/2017 15:46

I think your friend had no idea to change a nappy or when to check and she was nervous. I'd have done a practice run beforehand with her.

I did childcare and minded a baby/toddler when a teen so I knew what to do but otherwise as I'd follow instructions on a packet of nappies I'd be a bit clueless what to do.

theDudesmummy · 20/03/2017 15:46

I would have been furious

CheshireChat · 20/03/2017 15:52

I actually know someone that kept putting the nappy back to front and she's a nanny- baffling.
FWIW she takes good care of her mindee so it doesn't really matter.

I'd be annoyed as well OP.

KayTee87 · 20/03/2017 15:58

I think as she hasn't had her own child she maybe just doesn't know how important it is to change nappies and maybe doesn't know how to.
My mil has done this 3 times with my 7.5mo... I don't think her sense of smell is great but it makes me not want to leave him with her Sad

heron98 · 20/03/2017 16:00

I am also childless and clueless and recently looked after my niece. She did a massive shit and I didn't realise or think to do anything with the nappy. I thought there was an odd smell but concluded it was the dog Blush. I doubt she did it deliberately.

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