AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

If she comes in one morning and moves the desks back, I suspect by the end of the day the 3 men left in her pod will have moved to the other one. And she will feel rotten all over again.

Spend the rest of the day moving into your pod and redecorating. Get flowers.

YY to what HoldMeCloser is saying. I agree that it just validates the misconception.

Isn't this the definition of workplace bullying? As PPs have said, log everything.

Email your line manager and be matter of fact about the incident.

Mention that this is a pattern of behaviour and that you haven't reported previously as there is a company culture that makes you feel uncomfortable to do so, as you would be labelled as a silly emotional woman. Unfortunately the environment is now so untenable you have no choice.

Sign off by saying you're concerned the company isn't taking the matter of workplace bullying and sexism seriously, and ask them what they're going to do about it.

I'd word it all better, but you need to make sure you come across as being deeply serious, but not emotional.

I think it would be best to stay at the separate pod rather than in the office.

I think to us, OP being in the office is taking control and getting some kind of promotion.

But I think at her workplace, because they have such a skewed view of her, to the team and management it will suggest the image of a teenager locking herself in a room.

OP, you don't have your own office. People a few levels above you don't have an office. Trying to claim one will result in you getting kicked out. And the directors will say "Hey, didn't we kick her out of an office a while back? Why does she keep creating these problems?!" And you will feel terrible.

Ugh, I feel for you, I really do. You can't win in these situations. I'd be trying everything to get out as soon as possible.

*I wouldn't get the higher ups involved - it'll make you look weak to these neanderthal. You need to stand up for yourself.

I'd get there early tomorrow, take interlopers stuff and dump it on the floor back on the desk in the separate office.*

Erm...no. OP needs to remain professional all the way please. You can be firm but be strong be calm....and don't take the bait.

Vegan no, that wasn't me, although I read that thread and felt huge sympathy for the OP.

I do remember them moving my things into the spare office and 'pretending' to lock me in but I can't remember the events leading up to that or what happened afterwards. I just remember staying in the office for about a week then the Director said to vacate the office so I went back to my desk.

Clearly they have upped the stakes now, by not leaving my desk empty so I can't go back to it.

So in between them locking all your stuff in this office, and them moving all your stuff today, they also locked you and your stuff in this office? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

When the previous incident happened, did you email anyone to tell them about it - a friend maybe?

I agree that you need to log this OP. You work with utter cunts and now is the time to start protecting yourself and crucially the investment in your education. Never mind this 'black mark' business, better that than systematic bullying as the norm.

• write to your HofD saying that you are taken aback at his acceptence of workplace bullying.
• keep it professional. DO NOT engage in so called banter, it has lowered your boundaries
• don't retaliate to bullying - report each and every instance of it
• Repeat this to yourself 'FUCK THEM ALL'

I work in IT myself, fewer women than men and over the years I have seen sexism played out but nothing like this. The women I work with are, pretty much without exception, devestatingly effective and impressive. Its a joy to behold. You are no doubt that women, and we are all supporting you. You don't have to put up with shit like this.

HappyGoLuckyGirl: "the company have sponsored my degree, so I would have to pay back almost £10k in fees"
Purplepicnic: "That would be negotiable, depending on the circumstances of your departure."
---

First rule of complaining, tell the recipient what you want to make it right again, and make sure it's something they can easily offer.

So, you log it all formally with whoever is in charge, lay out the options available to use (inc oblique refs to Employment Law, CD, ACAS etc) give it a while to stew.

Then proactively and positively request a follow up meeting and announce that you want to see this resolved, and agree that irreconcilable office/personality conflict is never good and you'd be MORE THAN HAPPY to be the the bigger person and leave, if the small matter of your training contract/references could be addressed. All it would take is...xyz.

Tribpot I don't think so, no. But I can substantiate if necessary as the Director took note and I'm sure he would remember telling our HoD that I couldn't take permanent residence in the office.

HoD is now sat at the pod with all three male colleagues, talking about work and laughing and joking. How-to-isolate-only-female colleague-101 here, these guys should write a fucking book.

I think I will wait until they have all left for the day and then move to the other side of pod B, away from their pod. Hopefully that will go some way to limiting the amount of 'banter' they include me in, as I'll be about 4 meters away instead of 1.

Just the thought of taking it lying down is sticking in my throat.

Ugh, OP. This sucks. You really are between a rock and a hard place. The only thing I can think of is to email your HoD and the company secretary to "ask for their advice" on how to handle this. Your HoD will need to look effective in front of the company secretary and it will spell out in black and white that what they've done was not acceptable. Make clear that you're the only woman and that this is sexist bullshit, but not in so many words as this always seems to make us look weak. Someone else will have better wording, but something along the lines of...

Dear HoD and Company Secretary

I am hoping either/both of you will be able to advise me on how to handle a situation that has arisen with .

As you know, HoD, when I came in this morning after some time off I discovered A had moved my belongings from to . This was done without my agreement, and indeed without HoD's knowledge.

This isolates me from the rest of the team (and it also doesn't reflect well on our department when others see the only woman sitting apart from everyone else), not to mention that I find A's actions quite disrespectful.

I am currently sitting in , but this obviously isn't a suitable long-term solution. Indeed, this was made clear to me by after a similar previous incident.

As I say, I would appreciate your advice on how to handle this. Both in terms of a seat move, and also reasserting my place within the team as this is not the first time something similar has happened. I have noticed that no other members of the team seem to fall victim to this kind of "banter" and it's getting a bit wearing, to be honest.

Thanks

Shit. Director is downstairs talking to the guys but I can't really hear what they are saying. I heard him say "workstations"

Fuck.

I really like Teaching's email.

OP I would advise against doing any moving of their stuff, dumping on floors etc though it is fun to fantasise! If you do that you will loose your credibility making it harder to prove you have been unfairly treated.
The "higher ups" are already involved, because you have talked to your boss already.
Emailing your boss plus the HR woman, in a factual manner is a way to keep a clear, verifiable record.
I would also advise against engaging these men in discussion of your emotions, hurt, sad, taken aback. If you do talk to them about it keep it about work or clearly state the they had no permission from you or your boss to move your stuff.
Taking over the new desk and making it yours is a powerful comeback and shows their plan has not worked.
It is your right not to chit chat. Keeping calm, professional and distant is not passive aggressive, it is the only way you can keep your sanity and maintain credibility.
Find someone who can support you, the union or the education provider and someone up thread has suggested.

When I was doing accountancy exams at a highly ranked college, a pregnant woman had bagged the front seat by the window. She was a few minutes late from lunch but looked bewildered. She shrugged her shoulders and sat down in the front row, middle desk as that was where her stuff had been moved. The tutor sussed what had happened, called out the young man who was now sat in her seat and took him outside. He came back in, collected his things and was never seen again. I hope he learned his lesson.

Finger's crossed OP - maybe it'll get sorted if Director is having a word?

I think I mean fingers crossed.

Why should happygolucky leave?! Her company-sponsored education and internship will have been hard-won. How dare those twats put up a barrier against her career advancement. They should be transferred or resign, not her!

Director came in the office laughing and said "what's going on there?" I shrugged and said "I don't know, they're silly boys".

That was it. He then went into the HoD's office next door to this one but I don't know what was said.

I've lost my chance to say something now, haven't I?

Why didn't you say anything?

Go do it now.

Actually, I don't think that was a bad thing for you to have said. It was unemotional and rather dismissive.

And I think you should send Teaching's email.

Ugh. I never manage to say things when I have the chance either OP. Do you think you could go talk to him now? Or email him and explain?

No, you've shown maturity by saying you don't understand what's happened. Hopefully the director will tell them to move back to the original seating arrangements but it sounds like a horrid place to work, whatever happens.